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Original poster

AIBU to say that the future should include multi generational living?

206 replies

Cluborange666 · 06/10/2025 09:02

You always see comments on Mumsnet about the failure of older kids still living at home and adult kids being annoying if they are home but I just don’t get it.

Firstly because I actually like my kids and don’t have any issue with them living with us for as long as they want. I don’t want to see them living in some horrible little flat that sucks up all their money. I lived in a freezing flat when I was 18 and it was grim. It didn’t motivate me. It just made me jealous of my friends who were still living with their parents. Poverty isn’t a rite of passage. It’s just depressing.

Secondly, the young ones are going to find things really hard in the future. They aren’t going to be able to follow the same script that our parents did. I see Asian families looking after each other, their married kids with decent lives because they live with their parents (often no need for childcare) and having much more money as a result. The parents benefit too as they have company and support as they age.

This idea that we must all live separately seems counterintuitive to me. Our cave people ancestors would never have lived in separate caves. I think multigenerational living would be better for (most) people - excluding people like me who got away from abusive parents - better for the environment and better for young people as there would be far less pressure on them to pay hundreds of thousands for tiny homes.

OP posts:
GarlicBreadStan · 06/10/2025 09:11

I'm 27 and still live with my mum for support, and I have a son who also lives with us. I honestly don't see myself ever living away from my mum. I tried it once and I had a mental breakdown which had been festering for years.

She loves living with me and my son, and we love living with her.

I see no problem with it as long as I contribute to bills, which I do.

OneNewLeader · 06/10/2025 09:10

The issue comes when people get old and home has to be sold for care costs. I think there may be some sort of exception/delay but I’m no expert.

In theory it sounds like a nice idea.

LightDrizzle · 06/10/2025 09:10

It’s already an option. Sometimes it works, often it doesn’t. Women normally seem to be the ones to pay the price in the latter case.

I think lots of people would be happy to have their adult children live with them but would be less keen on their parents and in-laws living with them. People also tend to be less tolerant of their son or daughter-in-law’s foibles than they are of the foibles of their own children.

There are countless threads on sites like this where people have temporarily moved in with parents/ in-laws during house renovations or similar and it’s totally destroyed relationships.

AIBU to say that the future should include multi generational living?
Worldgonecrazy · 06/10/2025 09:10

I enjoy multi generational living. Moved out and had my own home, etc. for many years.

When DD was born we made a decision to find a house suitable for both families, and moved in together. Works really well for us, especially now dad is a widower. We can keep an eye on him, it helps with loneliness, etc. and no worries about childcare.

I don’t know why it is seen as such a terrible thing, I’m sure if it was more acceptable it would solve a lot of stress for many women.

childofthe607080s · 06/10/2025 09:07

Tricky one for me to get my head around

i personally love the calm of an empty house , of being able to utterly relax. And abusive families may be quite common - and the more people you live with the greater chance you have a really nasty one in the mix

but I can totally see the huge benefits of multigenerational living - lower housing costs all around - so many wasted rooms in today’s houses , sharing of heating , reduction of loneliness and less costs associated with care in the early stages of decline and with less loneliness, less mental and physical decline so less need for social care all round
… edit to add - but all need to be equal partners not expecting mums hotel

Orangepate · 06/10/2025 09:06

Bloody try it, I have got to the end of the summer holidays with two adult DD and my Mother in one house.. and yes, I do like my children ( fucking cheek) but it is stressful, more mess, more work for me, less independence for them. My girls are now back at uni and it is a relief. You may judge me as much as you want.