AIBU to say that the future should include multi generational living?

No ‘should’ about it. No way I would have lived with my in-laws and also will be quite relieved when some of my (adult) kids move out, as some are harder work living together than others. Once you start shoving the word ‘should’ in there, you lost me.

My elderly mother now has a hospital bed in the lounge. I have an adult daughter and a grandchild , my sister and her husband have 2 adult children who are both pregnant and married, so in a few months time there will be 11 people. There's no way we would all fit into the 3 bedroom house with no use of a lounge.

I have a DS26 living at home who is showing no signs of moving out and that’s fine with us. We also enjoy having him around. He works in digital forensics so is a bit of a geek and not one for clubbing etc so I would worry he would become too insular if he lived on his own. I doubt he will leave home until he finds someone to house share with or gets into a serious relationship.

I also have my DM85 living next door. She now has dementia and needs support. She eats with us every evening otherwise she would just eat crumpets! It can be hard, especially for my DH I think, but we try to make sure we have time out together and see our friends, especially now we are both semi retired. There was a time about 10 years ago when we were both working full time jobs and we would have to do a two hour journey each way once a week to collect his parents’ washing and to do some cleaning as they weren’t coping at all. Then later on we would be getting calls from the ambulance service or their neighbours in the middle of the night. Eventually they both went into care homes but the weekly trips continued. It was awful. Having DM next door is so much easier and I can take her out and about and she can stay in her own home.

My nanna also lived opposite my aunt and they had a similar set-up.

its not for everyone but it works for us.

It depends on the house and the dynamics really. The danger is that whoever is considered to be the the default mother-figure, she's going to end up doing the majority of the donkey work and - let's face it - it's going to be the mid-generation woman waiting hand and foot on the older generation and the younger generation, probably whilst also working and carrying all of the mental load. If multi-generational living becomes a norm or an expectation then, while individual households might be more mindful of this pitfall, at a societal level it's going to start hammering opportunities open to women.

The other downside is that adult children staying at home can keep them in a child-like role. Again, down to dynamics but how many threads do we see on here where the OP is overinvested in the comings and goings of their adult DC? Independence is a life skill and while it may look different from person to person, the end goal is to be as autonomous as possible. Living in a dynamic where you are the 'child' isn't healthy.

I adore my kids but I don't want them living with us permanently. They've both moved out (mid 20s) and they know they will always have a room here if anything happens with work or relationships but they need to live their own lives, away from us.

I have a nephew in his 30s who has never left home, it's odd, and I'm sure it puts women off him.

As for elderly parents, as someone else has said, it's usually the woman who ends up doing all the work, no thanks. My mum had her in laws living with her for years and she always said she'd never expect them from me as it nearly broke up their marriage.

I love my calm quiet house. I love when the kids descend with their partners (no grandkids yet), and I enjoy the noise and the energy, they come over a lot, we all get on very well, but it's nice when they leave again.

My DS will probably always live with me. He has autism but he functions well enough, holds down a job, has friends etc. He even worked/lived abroad for a while, so does have experience of living alone. He doesn't want a relationship. I'm single and also not looking to date again. So no awkwardness in that area (which is to me the main reason for people wanting their own place). Also we live in London so it's more common here I think. A few of his friends also live at home.

It works well for us, he does his own cooking, washing etc, helps with chores. If he moved out I'd probably get a lodger to help financially so it's not as if I'd have the house to myself anyway. As it is, he gets a cheaper place and I get help with the bills. We both have more disposable income as a result.

We do get on very well though. The house is also a decent size/layout that we're not on top of each other. I might feel differently if not for those two things.

I think it might well become more common but what I mean is when people have a choice that isnt based on finances they seem to want to not live with thier parents. It seems to be something people do to avoid being poor rather than because they wanted to look after thier mother in law in her dotage.

Everything has a cultural element to it. If thing are the social norm people go along with it and wouldnt feel odd doing it, but I think you are looking it as isnt it lovely my children stay forever, perhaps not factoring in that thier parter doesnt like you that much and they are there too.

Most old people die without needing care costs. This will be more common again when people stop receiving life lengthening but not life saving ops in their 60/70’s

I think generally speaking multi generational living is not popular because women bear the brunt of the care needs. It’s all very well having young adults with you who may create some mess and washing but are actually healthy and self caring.
Having elderlies with you with ever increasing care needs - eg continence, mobility and cognitive issues and needing costant supervision, would be a killer I’m afraid.
All very well years ago when women may not have worked, and expected less from their lives and folk didn’t live as long.

So parents are going to have to buy big houses to potentially accommodate their children, spouses and grandchildren?

I bought a little (shit) house for my older kids, they paid the mortgage on that and when they were ready to move on, sold it and that was their deposit.

It’s house size OP. The majority of houses in the UK are small semi detached 3 beds houses. One kitchen, and a living room diner. Where are all these adults going to fit in?

There’s no should about it. Circumstances vary.

My DS moved back home for 3 years after Uni to save up for a house deposit. It was never his intention to move back home, or even to his home town, but he just happened to find employment here. He's moved out now but frankly it was not always a harmonious 3 years. It certainly couldn't have been a permanent arrangement - and we have plenty of space here for him. We get on much better now he has his own place 5 miles away.

I certainly couldn't have lived with my mother and neither was having her living with us an option in her later years. From a distance we got on just fine, but under the same roof and with constant scrutiny and judgement from her it would have been a disaster.

I'm sure it works well for some, but even in Asian communities where it has always been the culture, I'm sure that many wish it wasn't.

I think multigenerational living can work and be fantastic.
my parents built an annexe to their home which both my sisters, their partner/ dh’s and kids used whilst they saved for a house deposit. Both lived there 3 years each.
my bf and her parents bought a big house and live together. I was a bit skeptical knowing all their personalities but it works. The grandparents help with the kids,do school pick ups, babysit, do homework and play with kids. I think it will keep the GP’s young.
I don’t think my bf has thought about the future though. Her parents are 70 and in good health. Their parents lived until well into their 90’s so my bf potentially has another 25 years of her parents living with her. By that time she’ll be mid 60’s and her kids will have probably left home. I personally wouldn’t fancy that.

Different for mine both have disabilties youngest ds has one that is life threatening 24/7. I don’t mind if they live with me when Im old but both do have large savings that they cannot touch till 21, so if they want to move out they have the ability to do so.
That said I lived with my MIL twice and I bloody hated it and moved out of my parents at nineteen. I have no desire to do it again.

Absolutely not. You couldn't pay me.

I can only see it working if everyone only has one child. I'm one of two siblings, and between us we have 5 kids, should we all live with our mum forever? And if not which family should live in the big house, and which should go it alone? Which grandkids are going to benefit from live-in grandparent care and which will be in nursery & wrap around, it would lead to two-tier families.

I think multi-generational living often = more stress for middle female parent, i.e. you. You have concerns for your children and your parent(s) (in-law). Really not judging you one bit.

I have zero interest in always living with my kids. I would like some peace and privacy at some point. I’m not interested in being regular childcare for grandchildren, nor in never having the freedom to enjoy just being alone with my spouse.

I’m not about to kick my kids out, I currently have AC at home. But I do look forward to it being just the spouse and I one day.

Absolutely not. I grew up living like this, as did most of my friends. There's a hell of a price to pay, usually by women who do 99% of the domestic dross and caring. The younger generation are never free to say what they like or do what they like without questions and judgements.
In a granny annex, fine.

The houses here are generally not built for peaceful multi gen living. In places where it's common, everyone has their private spaces, not just bedroom where you can hear everything 😉
I grew up in multi gen house. So did my DH. Everyone had their own unit like a flat.
I would absolutely not do multigen living in a 40s 3 bed semi....

I definitely agree the future will be tough for many and that many will end up having to stay at home for longer or for good. I will be happy for mine to stay as long as they want.

Im late 30’s and am already in talks with my parents about moving back home if things don’t improve in the next few years. With bills rising I am struggling and don’t know how much longer I will be able to continue with the way things are going.
The future is a constant worry for me, so I am thinking I might as well enjoy a few years with my parents before I’m on my own again and stressing about the bills or where I’m going to live.

The thing is there is nothing stopping people living this way now. So if it were a popular choice, people would be making it already.

Its already financially favourable to live together in terms of cost sharing.

The only possible incetive would be new housing developers thinking of multi generations when designing houses and throwing a few like that on each estate..