AIBU to say that the future should include multi generational living?

I guess it depends on the relationship but I rarely see it being a good option for anyone. Cultures where this is normal tend to be patriachal family structures where the women are expected to all take their cue from the eldest (usually the MIL) in order to run the household. It doesn't work if the "child" is an adult in a relationship with their own decisions to make about division of work which they do not want someone else's input into.

I know people who still live with parents in their 30s and they are just very childlike in their behaviour. It should look like 3 adults living together but it's not because the parents continue to do all the organising of everything (calling the landlord if something's broken or if they own the home, fixing it, making decisions about decor and upgrades, paying the energy bills and home insurance) and the adult child doesn't even know about the decisions that need making.

And it constantly slips back into a parent/child dynamic where the parent is telling the "child" off and giving them advice. It's not an even power balance when you live with your parents.

DD and I had to briefly stay with my parents when we had some delays with purchasing a house and DH was stuck in a different area finishing off his work contract, and after 6 weeks of my Mum giving me her opinion on every aspect of my parenting, my sleep pattern, what I spent my money on, I felt like a bloody teenager again.

That's a fair point.

Our great grandparents DID have to do it though. Early 20th century it was quite the norm.
I don’t think it’s at all desirable to live in one another’s pockets. It strains relationships and ultimately makes people resentful and less supportive than if everyone has their own space. Personal view; obviously others disagree, and I guess it depends on the individuals involved.

I think it really depends. Like everything. We are debating moving to a bigger house and my mum moving in. We all get along though for the most part (though who knows once living together again?) and my husband and my mum adore each other. However, I could never live with mil. She's nice enough but we are very very different people and it just wouldn't work.

There are plenty of large homes for sale on Rightmove. What is wrong with the current crop? Surely they need to be purchased first.

And living with your partner's parents is a very different - and, for most people, much worse - prospect than continuing to live with your own.

I don't doubt that multi-generational living works well for many families. Personally, I would rather be sewn up in a sack and dumped in the Thames.

It can only work if there is a marked and agreed transition in roles from parent>child dynamic to adults sharing. If we let young adults behave like teens, expecting everything to be done for them and to pay for nothing because the magic fairy creates heat, broadband, full fridges, etc then it can't work. Nor can it work if parents expect their adult kids to contribute but live by 'their' rules - eg no overnight guests, no cooking or bathing late at night after long shifts. There would have to be compromises that everyone agreed to.

We've still got our children living at home (oldest is 23) but the older 2 have ASD so slightly different scenario. I still work full time and, frankly, I absolutely do not want to be providing substantial childcare within the next 10 years. In 10 years time, I'll be 67 and almost certainly knackered. I'll probably be working part time because retirement is nothing but a pipe dream and to give up my non working days to look after a grand child regularly is not what I'm hoping for. I'd like some flexibility in (semi) retirement, to do some travelling, finally get the time to go to the gym daily, some swimming and properly look after my health if its not too damn late!

I'm an introvert and sharing my house with my husband and children is enough for me, adding their spouses would not be sustainable. Unless I was in the granny flat (alone) and people had to make an appointment to visit me! :)

Couldn’t agree more. Been piled on several times on those threads for saying the same thing.

This is assuming that the family can afford to buy out the elderly family member and buy a smaller home for them.

I think if you live in a suitable property, it's a very sensible solution. Keywords being suitable property. It's not like everyone could cope with multiple generations being rammed into a standard 3-bed semi indefinitely - where's the personal space and quality of life? If on the other hand, you have a spacious house with annex or separate cottage on the same grounds so everyone has their own space, that sounds pretty great.

I think the majority of us are obviously happy to house our children until they can get on their feet . It's when partners and grandchildren arrive that it becomes difficult.

What really needs to happen is for the retired generation to move out of the large family homes they occupy and free them up for the families

Where are these smaller - appropriate for elderly people - homes?

Firstly because I actually like my kids and don’t have any issue with them living with us for as long as they want.

Out of interest, how old are they now?

It's not a race to the bottom.

Also educate yourself about other cultures and how controlling and abusive that would be. It's often not through choice but through being essentially owned by relatives and severe repercussions that people live like that.

Mimsnet is getting nuttier by the minute.

We don't need to be pushed to turn into a third world country, it's happening anyway.

This has happened recently in some of the councils I work with. The LA change the qualifying criteria to a points system which changes the eligibility and for many families has halved or even removed their entitlement.

I think the main thing is space and having a big house.

In my work I find that a lot of people want to keep granny at home, instead of a nursing home, to hang onto their pension and benefits.

The thing is that not all families are exactly peas in a pod. My mum was highly abusive and negligent. I was merely surviving when I lived with her. She'd divorced my dad years prior by way of social contagion (she had some pretty vindictive divorced friends who convinced her to divorce my dad and she regretted it hard days later). There was no food in the house and she was obsessed with making money without having any kind of plan to make money. She took all of her failures out on me, sometimes every day. She was also controlling; if I got up in the night to use the toilet, I was yelled at. If I sneezed or coughed in the night, I was yelled at.

Not being able to 'launch' as it were is considered failure, but most people conscious of how hard it is to find an affordable rental or buy a house these days don't consider it failure to launch when they know the system is actively working against them. Why do you think parents gift their children with money for a deposit? The know and they want to help.

Multigenerational families are more of a cultural thing. It's seen a lot in countries like Italy, India, Pakistan and Bangladesh etc. Brits are the polar opposite and value their independence. If multigenerational families do become normal, it'll be forced due to financial pressures leading to social engineering.

I’d rather my kids live here at home and save their money to buy a home , than spend it on rent.

If you don't have immediate family you obviously can't live in an interational set-up. You would rent a room or rent a flat or house or buy.

Scrapping housing benefit will happen in the next few years when other cuts come into place. It won't happen overnight but will be phased in.

Would happily have my son home after uni for as long as needed as long as he pulls his weight.

The idea of living with either my parents or DH’s Mum frankly horrifies me!!!! 😬😳😆

I wouldn't mind my DS staying home as long as he needs to, as long as he pulls his weight and pays his way.

But if the boot was on the other foot, I couldn't live with my mother any longer than I had to. I moved into my Grandparents house at 13 as I couldn't bear it any longer. She is definitely reminded frequently that I get to choose her nursing home 😆

Ok what about those who don't have parents? (If they died?) what if they have no other family? Where is the evidence to suggest housing benefit will be scrapped?