AIBU to say that the future should include multi generational living?

I would also say that my kids did not get on well throughout the whole time that they lived together, but they learned a lot about sucking it up and getting on with it and looking at the bigger picture
Obviously no actual abuse but quite a lot of bickering and nonsense that you probably wouldn’t have gone in a normal Student house because they wouldn’t dare talk to other people the way they dare to speak to each other
I don’t think it did them any long-term harm but maybe it might’ve done them both a bit of good in learning how to negotiate reign it in when necessary

Well as luck would have it two of them went to the same university so it worked really well and they both lived in it and pay rent because they have to pay something to live somewhere.
That paid off 20 grand of the Mortgage I put down 20 grand and then there was capital gains of about five which covered the fees.
I’ve given it unconditionally but They were both very aware that there was no more and there really isn’t.
Ideally, what I would’ve liked to have done was not killed the golden goose and just remortgage but they both needed the money at the same time.

all of the children living with abusive parents are counting down the days until they can be independent. I will not support a system that makes moving out of the family home abnormal. Nor will I support a system that expects children to provide care for their aging parents.

these things can be done by choice, but if they are built into society as the default, people will continue to face abuse and exploitation. Women especially will suffer as they are expected to be caregivers at multiple levels.

It’s great as long as you all get on. I would think you’d need quite a large house also! Or somewhere to escape to if unwell/elderly/need a break.

I wish my parents had been open to me living with them after uni, they really didn't want me and I felt pushed into some poor decisions because of that.

DS (19) is welcome to stay here after uni as long as he likes - it's just typical that he's desperate not to be still living at home!

Multigenerational living is quite common in Spain and some other European countries.

YABU. Lots of youngsters can't live at home (or near home) because of the crap job situation. Many graduates never return to their home towns because there are no graduate jobs for them, especially out in the regions, rural areas, run down Northern cities, run down seaside towns, etc. They aren't going to come back to their home town and work for minimum wage in crap hospitality/retail/care jobs if they've got a degree in economics or engineering or actuarial science etc. Not every graduate wants to be a teacher which is one of the few professions were job opportunities are in most towns!

If we want our young to stay close to their home/family, then we need to seriously re-think the employment situation and change things so that there are more job opportunities throughout the UK and not centralised in London and a handful of large cities.

We also need to re think public transport (and roads) so that it's easier to commute if you do want to stay close to home. And introduce things like tax relief on commuting costs to make working and commuting a financially viable option.

Hell would freeze over before my inlaws lived in my house! I don't think it's a bad idea if you all get on well enough, but in practice, I don't think most families in this day and age and in this country can weather it for a long time.

have you spoken to the women who are carrying the burden of caring for everyone? Away from any of their family members when they can speak freely?

One of my friends grew up in a huge family where her mum was the middle woman who did everything. And she was a bundle of nervous exhausted depression until my friend left home and took her with her.

This is my ambition. Out of interest, did you gift it directly or hold onto ownership until a certain age? A long way off for me but I'm interested in the most sensible approach.

More generally, I think there is a bit of an English cultural expectation around setting up an independent home in young adulthood. It's not the same in all cultures.

I don't think that it should be a general expectation that we live in intergenerational households. For some that would mean remaining in abusive or otherwise unhealthy situations. But I don't think it should be a taboo and think it is fine if it works for everyone involved.

It is down to individual choice and your family dynamic. Parents and next generation families living in one very large house is still cheaper than separate houses. Only one council tax and also saves on potential care costs. Of course, you can choose separate living, funds permitting.

Also how many generations.

I couldn’t live with my mum or my mil.

If all children are staying who’s are leaving. We are not making dils new slaves while packing off our daughters are we??

Living with my mother? Nope.

Ugh - no thank you.

You’d have to have huge houses. To end up with your children, their partners, their children and so on.

And one tiny living room isn’t going to cut it either.

Also rules. They need to then be communally agreed not just Im the oldest so what I say goes.

Houses big enough to basically be their own flats with a floor each or a granny annex plus an over garage flat sure. Where everyone has their own space more than just a bedroom.

But me and dh, our three children and then their partners and their children in a bog standard 4 bed semi no way.

I'm somewhere in the middle. I have zero issue with my DC continuing to live at home for as long as they like. They will always be welcome here. Equally the thought of living with my mum or my in-laws makes me hyperventilate. 😂

I know a few people who have bought houses next door to their parents (or a few doors down) or have an annexe for the parents. And one whose mum lives with them. It does work well for them and definitely massively helps with childcare. Seems to be more commonly daughters and often where the dad works away a lot which probably helps. Or where a daughter has become a single mum and moved back home.

I lived with in laws for a few years whilst at uni and found it tough. But I don't think I'd like to live with my own family either. I like my space and independence.

Annexe/self contained extension seems the best of both worlds though. Or neighbouring houses though that still means two sets of bills

My grandmother lived with us for a decade or so when I was a child, and I think that was why my mother never even suggested the possibility to me...

There is no way I could ever have lived with my parents (or my in-laws) as an adult, due to personalities, lifestyle, locations and many other reasons. Likewise, much as I love my adult offspring, I would not want to live with either of them. Relationships are much better with a bit of personal space, I find.

But of course it should be an option, and it might be helpful if the housebuilding, planning and tax systems made it easier for people who want to have multi-generational housing, or other currently unconventional patterns, like co-housing.

Would he be happy to do that much once a DIL moves in? Are you happy for your children to have parties when they want (with some drug taking)? Will you compromise on Christmas etc? What makes it a bit easier is having two living rooms. It's interesting that you wouldn't let them take over the decorating. My neighbour's son would have him live with them, but he has let his personal hygiene go and has started to hoard. The neighbour (83) won't compromise on his TV schedule. He doesn't believe in sitting around in pjs etc.
Cultures that have multi generation living are very different to ours. It's starting to become less popular now women's rights are increasing. People in those cultures don't live in the physical state we do. If they have heart issues etc, they die the ages we used to. Care burdens are greater in develped society. Those, like yourself, who are happy with it, can crack on. It shouldn't be the norm here.

But you must know that most people - even in a 'decent sized home' - don't have two living rooms? Of course that would make it easier (though assuming you have one kitchen and dining space I still think you might find some conflict over communal spaces).

Also, are you suggesting that your preference would be that they pay you and you extend your home, rather than them putting their own money into having their own home? I don't think this seems like it's in their best interests, at all.

I think they did? Perhaps it's a wealth thing? My mum's family lived in a 2 up 2 down. 3 children. Bone poor. My great-grandma lived in the front downstairs room. My father and his mother shared a house, my grandfather had died. As a child growing up, all of my friends had grandparents sharing the house. Grandparents upstairs, next generation downstairs. Very, very common in the 1960s.

It’s really is a personal preference. I agree with the argument that the next generation isn’t going to have the same ability to afford housing like the boomer generation did, that is already visible today. But frankly I couldn’t live with my mother. We are very different people. It just wouldn’t work. And I also love my kids and want to support them - hence saving for a deposit for them - and want them to stay home as long as they want but I think it is beneficial for them to have their own space, especially once they are married with kids. I enjoyed my space with my DH, and then with the kids. So it really is up to what works for everyone. Not everyone can help with deposits - therefore maybe allowing them to stay longer for them to save it’s a good idea. But again - each to their own.

Surely this all depends on what parents can afford, if you own your house, rely on benefits? Any mention of childcare on this thread all involves females

Same here but not Asian - so that’s just parenting young adults, is it not ??

I completely agree, OP. I grew up with at least one grandparent living with us at any one time so always three generations in a house. Until my mum passes away my DDs had the same.

DDs are welcome to stay as long as they like.

Lots of single people living alone has hugely contributed to the housing crisis.

And if there are any disputes the husbands normally side with their parents, there have been many threads on here regarding this.