Should I pay halves for the hotel?

Tell him to cancel the hotel and instead you can all get up early and go over to Manchester. £200 for a Premier Inn is ridiculous.

Of course she can change her mind and tell him he can't come on the holiday she has paid for in full. Why do you think she can't?

Presumably she offered to pay for those things? She can't turn round later and change her mind.

Not to mention that if hes only splitting costs in half, and she's responsible for 2 out of 3 of them, then hes been subsidising her plenty!

Either all money is shared or its not. If she's choosing to ring fence a quarter of a million pounds (which I absolutelyagree is sensible), she can't expect someone, likely poorer than herself to subsidise her choice to work in a self employed low paid role.

He is being tight. It's boring to watch someone race - yes you go to support them but that doesn't extend to subsidising the hobby of someone you don't even live with. If it's a one off then I'd forgive the cheekiness (but still not pay) but if this is a pattern of behaviour its very unattractive

Fair enough, as long as he pays his share of the expensive holiday she has booked and paid for. And his share of the car loan she paid off, and an equal share of meals out etc. As a low earner, a £250k inheritance has the potential to be life changing if not frittered on subsidising someone else's life.

I have a time consuming and expensive hobby. My DH is very helpful and gives up days even whole weekends to come and help/ support. If we go away I pay for everything involved and try to include some nice treats to make it appealing if he's helping me and I want him to come again 😅
No way would i expect him to stump up towards the cost as well as being my support. I'd expect him to say thanks but no thanks next time I asked! 😆

Yes, very sensible. But if she's taking a "what's mine is mine" approach, she can't be expecting him to subsidise her in day to day life. So she needs to always be paying her and her sons costs when going out, unless he offers to treat her/them. That's probably going to be hard for her as a low earning self employed person with no entitlement to benefits.

This. Get that inheritance invested, 90% in your pension scheme and 10% in a long term isa that has penalties if you make withdrawals in the first 5 years. You need to get through to him that your inheritance is committed, and not available for leisure spending.

I would get that £250k into a long term investment somewhere so that you remove his ability to keep spending it for you.

If he invited you, then he should really expect to pay. If you jointly had a discussion together about it'll be a nice day or two out for the 3 of you and you all agreed to get the hotel in a joint conversation then I'd offer to pay half. However you are asking him to share a small room with your 11 year old son, so it's not really a fun/romantic night/date night for the 2 of you.

Cheering people on at marathons, cycling races, triathlons, iron men is unbearably boring a lot of the time! Depending on the length of the race you are basically on your own all day, waiting for them to appear all sweaty and exhausted and possibly too tired to do anything in the evening! So he should offer to pay due to the ask anyway!

The 6k holiday is either a no strings attached generous gift or it's something you are going to hold over him or refer to/think about every time money comes up.

I'm not sure if you are being unreasonable or not, I don't think so but I would say he doesn't sound very appealing or kind.

a half-marathon is 13 miles, it's hardly the sporting event of the year 😂

I can't imagine being with someone for 10 YEARS and squabbling a hotel room, it's not a relationship on any level.

I wouldn't be impressed to be told to pay on this occasion when you are paying so much for other things. 250k is a good amount, but hardly a life-changing inheritance, he's ridiculous if he expects you to waste it - I am not being unpleasant, just looking at the average prices of properties. It's not that big an amount when it's not enough to buy an average medium size house in most of the country, that's all.

He's a tight arse.
I'd remind him you're paying or the 6K holiday and therefore he can pay for the 200 quid hotel room and then I'd be rethinking the entire relationship.

If I’m dragging my DP to support me at races, I pay for pretty much everything! Hotel, petrol, most of the food and drink though he will pay some of that too. He’d rather stay home and play golf!

if he still insists on half the hotel, ask him for half the villa.

What were things like before your windfall? You’re a low earner with a child, so before would you be going 50/50 or would he often treat you? If he’s previously picked up the financial slack between you, then the only one being tight here is you for not wanting to even things out now that you have a bit of spare cash.

why not just break up? You clearly don’t even like him and don’t even live together.

If it’s only an hour away I would stay at home and meander in for the finish

I’ve just looked at the start times OP, the earliest he will be running is 9, why is this even an issue? You can easily leave at 7, park up and cheer him on from there. If he wants to go down the night before, let him.

On that note he should pay half the villa holiday.
suggest that then see what he says.
Id be done with someone so petty .
you’re going to support him and he wants you to pay for the privilege!!

Is this the first time he has behaved like this over money and does he usually expect you to pay for 100% of things like holidays, meals out etc?

Is there a bigger back story to this and he is generally tight with money and expects you to pay for everything? If that’s the case, your issue is bigger than him asking you for £100 towards the hotel.

The train from Sheffield to Manchester takes under an hour. Book in advance for about £18 and be there at the finish line.

My long-term partner and I don’t live together or combine finances.

Jointly agreed trip? We split the cost.

Visiting parents/trip for one person’s hobby/wedding of a friend that isn’t ‘joint’? The person concerned typically pays for travel and accommodation, the other will share costs of meals etc while there.

So in your circumstance, the racer would pay.

We don’t keep a strict ledger but neither of us feels the other doesn’t pay their way. You probably need a discussion on how things are split - that is based on circumstances and fairness, not on who has just come into a wedge and who feels entitled to some of it.

This is rubbish. ‘The amount of money you’re sitting on’.

She doesn’t have a well paid job or a decent pension. She needs every penny of that £250k. It won’t go as far as she thinks. She’s already subbed him what £5k??! She will fritter this away on him - we don’t know if he has a decent job and a pension?

He clearly expects her to sub him and spend a lot of this inheritance on him. Big red flag. They are not married. OP protect this money!

That would be my first comment as I was dumping his cheapskate arse!

Someone said you should pay but see if its part of a pattern, but I think its already part of a pattern.
You have paid for

• an expensive 6k villa holiday with kids and DP
• paid off our car loan of 4k.
• bought him meals out.
• When you wanted him to support you in Devon you paid for everything- hotels in Exeter, Plymouth and Paignton, and petrol as it wasn’t a ‘jolly’ for him.

It's clear you need to be careful with this inheritance as you need to save for your retirement.

It's also clear that he's got different priorities.

Do you really want to spend a day watching a Marathon? I think he should definely pay for this outing... I'd be tempted to decline if he didn't

and you need to invest your money and be careful tthat he doesn't expect you to constantly dip into it... or it will be gone before you know it.

Ask him to pay half the villa and the car charge then - so what £5k?

What a tight arse. This would seriously put me off him and question our future.

Your inheritance is needed for your future. Not to subsidise him..don’t fall for this.

Also - for a race an hour away there is zero need to stay overnight!

Well if you ask me I think a hotel room for a half marathon is a huge luxury. But I run over 20 races a year so getting my family to support isn't a done thing any more. Even marathons they don't come any more

Well yes. My family don't come and watch me any more either as they've seen far too many races over the years and they're boring now. Unless it's one of the big fun ones where we can make a family weekend of it (eg London marathon) and in that case I don't expect them to wait and watch me on the course; we'd just meet up afterwards.

That doesn't sound like the case here though. The OP doesn't say the DP is a regular runner and the fact he's asked for her support on the day suggests he's quite new to it. So not quite the same thing as those of us who do these things all the time.

I might have been better to just not even tell how much your inheritance was. All you needed to say was there was- an inheritance. People always want more!
Another time never give out detail…be ‘economical with the truth’?