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Original poster

Finally admitting a lie!

81 replies

EJMOM14 · 06/10/2025 08:07

My children play with all their cousins, around 6 months ago we was at my sisters house and there was an incident by which her garden furniture was all scratched - it looked like it had been scored with something. This turned into a large event by which all the kids had been called inside, including my 3, and questioned who scratched the new furniture, every child said it wasn’t them.
we always have little things breaking when the kids get together but this furniture scratch was really bad.
it then caused a big family argument my sister said her kids said it was one of my kids, my other sister said her kids would definitely not do that etc.
so when we got home i questioned my kids individually and asked them to tell the truth if it was them they both said no.
I asked my sister again if she knew who it was she said no, a few weeks after its got a little bit awkward now we have stopped getting together and seeing each other - i asked my sister if she was free one weekend she said no but when i spoke to my other sister she said she had been round hers
This made me think she thought it was my kids so we all fell out there was a big argument
we have not spoke in ages
she since had her furniture replaced as the scratches were really bad .

Fast forward to now 6 months on, i was speaking to my DS about lying as one of the kids at school had lied and got in trouble, he said he don’t want to lie and i said to him he can’t lie to me i am his mom no matter what
he then said mom can i tell you
something but please don’t tell anyone i said yes he said it was me i scratched aunties furniture i found a small
stick thing and i was drawing patterns.

I am absolutely mortified, i thanked him for being honest and explained how wrong that was but i also explained you cannot lie about these things and he should always tell me the truth,
he has now begged me not to tell my DH or my sister.
what do i do, do i leave it and let it settle for a while or do i admit it was one of my kids?

OP posts:
Bobiverse · 06/10/2025 08:19

Her kids obviously saw him and told her it was your kids doing it. Your kids said it wasn’t them and you backed them up… so you essentially called her kids liars. Now you know they didn’t lie, yours did. You’ve fallen out with your sister over, and your kids have lost out on playing with cousins. I don’t think it’s because of the scratches; I thinks it’s because you called her kids liars. So you actually can fix it.

You apologise for not getting the truth earlier, but that your child lied to you and you didn’t know. You apologise for calling her kids liars and you get your son to sincerely apologise to his aunt, and find a way to make it right with a gesture or something.

You need to teach your kid about honesty, apologies and consequences.

I’d be talking to my sister first and ask that she doesn’t give him “into trouble” because you don’t want to punish honesty and instead you give consequences, so he has a punishment but isn’t left with the fear of being yelled at and horrible disciplined for being honest.

Peoplepleaserincrisis · 06/10/2025 08:17

Yep, agree with PP that you can decide your own reaction/response to this but cannot promise NO consequences. I'd be contacting my sister and offering the money for the patio furniture and (depending on age of son) he would pay a portion of any pocket money towards that going ahead. It"s great he was honest but equally learning to wait until the heat dies down, confessing and then insisting there be no consequences isn't a helpful or realistic lesson.

newworki · 06/10/2025 08:13

You haven’t said how old he is, but he doesn’t get to call the shots here and decide you can’t tell anyone. I think the best way is always ‘you can tell me anything’ but with an understanding that does not remove consequences. I feel for kids in this situation, I would have owned up as a child but was accused of similar and the host kids who did it lied through their teeth. It’s horrible for everyone and you need to make it known so the doubt is no longer cast on them all. Obviously offer to replace or pay for damage.

ShesTheAlbatross · 06/10/2025 08:12

Out of interest, did your sisters blame your children because they are generally quite destructive of other people’s things? Or did they blame them because they are a bit “my children can do no wrong” so would have blamed any other child in the house regardless of that child’s history?

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 06/10/2025 08:12

Your sister already thinks it was one of your kids, possibly she actually knows based on what one of the other has said?

You have to now be honest with her, see her face to face and just tell her that you have just found out what has happened.

MumChp · 06/10/2025 08:09

You let your sister know. I would offer to pay for the new furniture.