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Original poster

Partner refusing to pay

184 replies

Eeeek1 · 05/10/2025 21:52

Looking for some advice please (D!)P
has decided to stop working (self employed) so 0 money coming in from him. Everything house and bills wise has always been 50/50!
This has now been going on for 8 months and I cannot afford it any longer I can’t afford 100% of everything.
We have one DC
The house is on the market desperately hoping it will sell but no luck as of yet.
He simply refuses to work / contribute any money. He is in a terrible financial situation but my concern is our home our bills.
When we sell I want to be able to start again on my own so mindful of my credit rating.
What do I do? I simply cannot find the money any more. I spoke with the mortgage company and they can help for 6 months but after the 6 months if the house has not sold the repayments will increase to cover the period of help which worries me in case things are not sorted in 6 months il be in a worse position. Do I write to mortgage company and say I can continue to pay 50% as with the other bills or do I let everything default?
Can’t get through to DP at all. He refuses to work and refuses move out, says the house is still his. I just cannot believe it has come to this. I’d be grateful of any advice. Just want to be out of this horrid mess

OP posts:
Original poster
Eeeek1 · 05/10/2025 22:38

Bambamhoohoo · 05/10/2025 22:34

Why would the child just live with her? Standard would be 50:50.

again, OP please don’t waste money on legal fees. You need to pay your bloody mortgage 😭

surely no one in real life wastes money like this when they can’t afford their mortgage???

Show quote history

No I won’t be taking legal advice.
The split of the house is straight forward thankfully. There is no money there on his side so no one can force him to pay.
Child arrangements won’t be an issue

OP posts:
BMW6 · 05/10/2025 22:36

Sell it to We Buy Any Home? You'll get shot of it and him although you'll get a lot less than its true worth, but at least you'll be free of him.

Bambamhoohoo · 05/10/2025 22:35

Btw OP my would guess would be he hasn’t just decided to stop working but the work has dried up or hes in some trouble with competitors/ suppliers/ the revenue which has put an end to it. It happens more often than you’d think.

Original poster
Eeeek1 · 05/10/2025 22:35

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 05/10/2025 22:31

Will your child live just with you after?
be warned, he may fight you to be the main care giver claiming he has been a stay at home dad so he would get universal credit and priority housing for you and your child. You need legal advice about child areanmgenrs more than finances in my view.

Yes child will live me. He absolutely has not been a stay at home parent. I do 99.9% of everything for child. Neither of us would be entitled to housing.

OP posts:
Bambamhoohoo · 05/10/2025 22:34

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 05/10/2025 22:31

Will your child live just with you after?
be warned, he may fight you to be the main care giver claiming he has been a stay at home dad so he would get universal credit and priority housing for you and your child. You need legal advice about child areanmgenrs more than finances in my view.

Why would the child just live with her? Standard would be 50:50.

again, OP please don’t waste money on legal fees. You need to pay your bloody mortgage 😭

surely no one in real life wastes money like this when they can’t afford their mortgage???

Original poster
Eeeek1 · 05/10/2025 22:32

Summerhillsquare · 05/10/2025 22:25

Are you claiming universal credit?

No

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 05/10/2025 22:31

Will your child live just with you after?
be warned, he may fight you to be the main care giver claiming he has been a stay at home dad so he would get universal credit and priority housing for you and your child. You need legal advice about child areanmgenrs more than finances in my view.

Bambamhoohoo · 05/10/2025 22:31

I have a friend who has just spent £16k not getting an occupation order.

OP please don’t pay out for legal advice unless you genuinely have something to take advice on. It’s massively expensive and obviously isn’t something you should direct cash on right now

Original poster
Eeeek1 · 05/10/2025 22:30

JLou08 · 05/10/2025 22:24

What a strange thing to do. Did this come out of nowhere? Is he abusive? Depressed? It seems so extreme to go from paying 50% of bills to nothing and watching whilst you lose the family home, your child's home.
If he is abusive are you confident you can safely get away when the house sells?

He has never been good with money but never to this extreme. He is use to me always making sure we are ok!
He has talked of being depressed but I’m not so sure. He is not acting depressed in any other way just simply not working.
No not abusive, can just be a complete d*
No safety issues what so ever.

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 05/10/2025 22:30

have you got a spare room to take a lodger into in the meantime?

Pieandchips999 · 05/10/2025 22:29

Eeeek1 · 05/10/2025 22:11

Thank you. I have reduced by a lot at the end of last week! So fingers crossed

Show quote history

If I'm reading the maths right, if you get six months payment holiday you could save the half you are able to pay really carefully. Then you would get another 3 months? Just do not let him know under any circumstances that's what you are doing and say there's nothing spare as he's got you in a financial mess. Will he leave if it gets him out of paying? If so you could get a lodger, even if this means moving your little one in the room with you to keep your head above water. Is there any other abuse? As this is a really messed up thing to do. If he is abusive you can ask for occupation order although it's quite a high bar

youmustbeshittingme · 05/10/2025 22:27

TheDayWeGotMinnie · 05/10/2025 22:02

I'd say you need legal advice pronto. Divorce him and let a court decide.

Why assume they’re married? She referred to him as her partner.

Bambamhoohoo · 05/10/2025 22:25

Eeeek1 · 05/10/2025 22:22

Thank you and yes Iv thought about legal advice but really not sure what they can say / do to help.
Feeding him comment made me laugh but trust me I’m not doing a thing.
Yes il be able to afford something albeit much smaller but at least it will be something I can 100% afford on my own

Show quote history

That’s great news that you can get somewhere alone

god knows what legal advice you could have. One of you has to pay the mortgage, a lawyer can’t make him work, and splitting the house proceeds 50:50 when you own it 50:50 is standard. You’re not married.

Summerhillsquare · 05/10/2025 22:25

Are you claiming universal credit?

JLou08 · 05/10/2025 22:24

What a strange thing to do. Did this come out of nowhere? Is he abusive? Depressed? It seems so extreme to go from paying 50% of bills to nothing and watching whilst you lose the family home, your child's home.
If he is abusive are you confident you can safely get away when the house sells?

Original poster
Eeeek1 · 05/10/2025 22:22

Bambamhoohoo · 05/10/2025 22:14

Legal advice for what? They have the house on the market, they’re reducing the price.

there isn’t advice or help that people can offer OP to solve this (although “stop feeding him was quite special) but she could probably do with some solidarity and sympathy.

all I’ll say OP is that this will be over. The house could sell at any time you’ll be closer to getting out of this.

will you be able to afford to buy alone?

Thank you and yes Iv thought about legal advice but really not sure what they can say / do to help.
Feeding him comment made me laugh but trust me I’m not doing a thing.
Yes il be able to afford something albeit much smaller but at least it will be something I can 100% afford on my own

OP posts:
EmeraldRoulette · 05/10/2025 22:20

Eeeek1 · 05/10/2025 21:58

I’m not and have not done a thing for him for months!

Show quote history

So he's got enough money to feed himself?

What do you think the end goal is?

I think you do need legal advice.

TheHouseElf · 05/10/2025 22:17

Considering selling the property by auction - get what you can, and get away from him and this situation.

Bambamhoohoo · 05/10/2025 22:14

Legal advice for what? They have the house on the market, they’re reducing the price.

there isn’t advice or help that people can offer OP to solve this (although “stop feeding him was quite special) but she could probably do with some solidarity and sympathy.

all I’ll say OP is that this will be over. The house could sell at any time you’ll be closer to getting out of this.

will you be able to afford to buy alone?

Mischance · 05/10/2025 22:12

You need legal advice.

Original poster
Eeeek1 · 05/10/2025 22:11

Tigerthatcametobrunch · 05/10/2025 22:08

Whilst it might be difficult to stomach losing money if get a court order to sell the house and drop the price. It feels difficult taking a £20k hit on a house sale but it will save you money in the long run subsidising him

Thank you. I have reduced by a lot at the end of last week! So fingers crossed

OP posts:
shhblackbag · 05/10/2025 22:10

parakeet · 05/10/2025 22:06

You need to reduce the price so the house sells. Good luck.

Basically. And then run and not look back.

Lindy2 · 05/10/2025 22:10

Reduce the price to sell quickly. Take your half of the sale proceeds and start again on your own.

I'm sorry you're in such a horrible position with such a horrible man.

Tigerthatcametobrunch · 05/10/2025 22:08

Whilst it might be difficult to stomach losing money if get a court order to sell the house and drop the price. It feels difficult taking a £20k hit on a house sale but it will save you money in the long run subsidising him

parakeet · 05/10/2025 22:06

You need to reduce the price so the house sells. Good luck.

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