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Original poster

Partner refusing to pay

184 replies

Eeeek1 · 05/10/2025 21:52

Looking for some advice please (D!)P
has decided to stop working (self employed) so 0 money coming in from him. Everything house and bills wise has always been 50/50!
This has now been going on for 8 months and I cannot afford it any longer I can’t afford 100% of everything.
We have one DC
The house is on the market desperately hoping it will sell but no luck as of yet.
He simply refuses to work / contribute any money. He is in a terrible financial situation but my concern is our home our bills.
When we sell I want to be able to start again on my own so mindful of my credit rating.
What do I do? I simply cannot find the money any more. I spoke with the mortgage company and they can help for 6 months but after the 6 months if the house has not sold the repayments will increase to cover the period of help which worries me in case things are not sorted in 6 months il be in a worse position. Do I write to mortgage company and say I can continue to pay 50% as with the other bills or do I let everything default?
Can’t get through to DP at all. He refuses to work and refuses move out, says the house is still his. I just cannot believe it has come to this. I’d be grateful of any advice. Just want to be out of this horrid mess

OP posts:
SkipAd · 06/10/2025 12:00

Donttellempike · 06/10/2025 11:47

At the end of the mortgage term you have to repay the capital outstanding. If you can’t they certainly will throw you out

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Good point, sorry of course they could. I guess I was trying to say, don’t panic about the repayment part of mortgage immediately, if that is what is worrying the OP the most.
And mortgage terms can be extended, it is definitely not necessarily sensible or desirable but in certain circumstances it can mean that you get breathing room, if you really need it.
Interest only mortgages do exist.

Donttellempike · 06/10/2025 11:53

WanderingWellies · 06/10/2025 11:25

50:50 is by no means set in stone. When my ex and I split up, she originally insisted on 50:50 split; however, I got legal advice and I had good grounds for getting a higher percentage. We agreed a settlement through mediation in the end but had it gone to court there was a strong chance I would have been awarded more than half. Things such as having a child to support (which limits a lone parent’s capacity to increase their income) and him not contributing to the mortgage payments for x months are in OP’s favour.

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They are not married

Original poster
Eeeek1 · 06/10/2025 11:51

Thank you for your comments.
His family are aware and at their wits end about it but have helped me where they can.
No he is not sabotaging the sale of the house at all and will go through with the sale. There is equity in the house
Yes we are separated but just stuck sharing the house. Relationship has broken down since he stopped working.
Trying to keep the atmosphere as best as possible for DC sake.

OP posts:
Nonameagain31 · 06/10/2025 11:51

What a terrible situation you are in. I have my fingers crossed for a quick sale for you? Can you save 50-60% of mortgage costs so this will get you another 4 ish months?

Is there anything you can do to get other bills down?

I can't wait to see your post when you are free of him... this is short term shit for long term gain!

Donttellempike · 06/10/2025 11:50

HopingForTheBest25 · 06/10/2025 07:03

I think you do need legal advice - you might be able to claim the extra money you are spending on his half of the mortgage from his share of the profit. Or a court might award you more than 50% if you are solely responsible for housing your child.

These proceedings cost a fortune. Money down the drain

Donttellempike · 06/10/2025 11:47

SkipAd · 06/10/2025 07:02

Sensibly, you have decided to live your life without him.
Mortgage wise, your repayments won’t necessarily become too much. Going interest only for six months, won’t make it more expensive when you start to repay. IF you ever choose to repay. I know this is weird for people, but, you could literally just pay the interest for the rest of your life. It’s like renting but they can’t chuck you out. It isn’t a sensible idea, you are paying a lot just to live in your house, you are wasting money. BUT if it is the only way to manage, it is a possibility?

At the end of the mortgage term you have to repay the capital outstanding. If you can’t they certainly will throw you out

Naanspiration · 06/10/2025 11:46

@Eeeek1

Strange behaviour from him.

If you were married, I could see some method in his madness. He'd have stopped working to deplete his assets and income in preparation for a messy divorce. So the financial settlement would be less of a hit.

But as you're not married, it doesn't make sense.

Is he hoping you will get fed up and just leave?

How does he behave whenever someone comes to view the property? Any sign that he is actively trying to achieve or not achieve a sale?

At what point did you guys make a decision to end the relationship? Has that actually been discussed and agreed?

Edit: actually I've just though he could be looking to make himself poor so it reduces his child maintenance liability. Does that sound plausible? I don't know much about child maintenance but I know a lot about what motives men.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 06/10/2025 11:46

@Eeeek1 Does he consent to selling the property?

YellowMellow99 · 06/10/2025 11:43

Bobiverse · 06/10/2025 07:58

What do you mean that he doesn’t believe you will separate? Surely you already have?

I know you need to live in the same house as him until it sells, but you’ve ended the relationship, yes? And sleeping in your kid’s room/the living room?

If you haven’t then you’re nuts. End it. Reduce the price to get the house sold or use one of those “buy any house” companies and just get out. You’ll lose money but you cannot afford to live there and you need to get away from him and start a new life. Just get it sold and start over.

Will he allow the sale when it actually comes to it?

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She’s not nuts, she’s smart!

Bambamhoohoo · 06/10/2025 11:41

I think it would be worse if they were married. They would be expected to leave the relationship with some semblance of equal footing which might cost OP since he is going to struggle to raise a mortgage.

the judge would expect him to work though. It could cost £20k odd to get to the point here this is said in court.

what they have is like 2 friends owning a property- no obligation to each others future lives. Yes the child arrangements need sorting out but i maintain this is not a priority use of cash at the moment.

Donttellempike · 06/10/2025 11:39

parakeet · 05/10/2025 22:06

You need to reduce the price so the house sells. Good luck.

Just what I was going to say. Any deal on your mortgage is bad for your credit rating. Get the house sold ASAP

YellowMellow99 · 06/10/2025 11:38

ERthree · 06/10/2025 10:48

Legal separation this week and start divorce proceedings. Protect yourself and your child.

Please read the posts! They aren’t married!

YellowMellow99 · 06/10/2025 11:35

BMW6 · 05/10/2025 22:36

Sell it to We Buy Any Home? You'll get shot of it and him although you'll get a lot less than its true worth, but at least you'll be free of him.

Definitely do not do that! They pay 25% below market value!

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 06/10/2025 11:34

I hope he isn't using the WiFi you pay for. Change the password..

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 06/10/2025 11:34

Did you both put a hefty deposit down on the house? Will you leave with any equity? Does your soon to be Ex have family who might buy you out and allow you to leave cleanly?

I'd personally be selling anything I could and shutting down any discretionary services like streaming etc. How old is your child? The atmosphere must be toxic.

WanderingWellies · 06/10/2025 11:31

Bambamhoohoo · 05/10/2025 23:14

eh?! She might earn £60k a year! What is all this demands to claim benefits. I’m sure OP would’ve checked to see if she can get free money by the time he’s been out of work for 8 months and they’re having to sell their house!

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Not necessarily. It never occurred to me that I would be entitled to anything (despite being on far less than 60k) because I have a mortgage and had never been able to claim anything beyond job seekers allowance when I was out of work years ago.

YellowMellow99 · 06/10/2025 11:31

TheHouseElf · 05/10/2025 22:17

Considering selling the property by auction - get what you can, and get away from him and this situation.

🤦🏻‍♀️

WanderingWellies · 06/10/2025 11:25

Bambamhoohoo · 05/10/2025 22:25

That’s great news that you can get somewhere alone

god knows what legal advice you could have. One of you has to pay the mortgage, a lawyer can’t make him work, and splitting the house proceeds 50:50 when you own it 50:50 is standard. You’re not married.

Show quote history

50:50 is by no means set in stone. When my ex and I split up, she originally insisted on 50:50 split; however, I got legal advice and I had good grounds for getting a higher percentage. We agreed a settlement through mediation in the end but had it gone to court there was a strong chance I would have been awarded more than half. Things such as having a child to support (which limits a lone parent’s capacity to increase their income) and him not contributing to the mortgage payments for x months are in OP’s favour.

ClickClickety · 06/10/2025 11:20

Can you ask his family for money?

ERthree · 06/10/2025 10:48

Legal separation this week and start divorce proceedings. Protect yourself and your child.

zingally · 06/10/2025 10:35

What's his reason for deciding to stop work? That's bonkers.

Either way, I think you need legal advice as soon as possible.

I'd imagine divorce is your own option at this point. He's opted out of the decision-making process, so it's down to you. You also have your son to think of.

Jellyslothbridge · 06/10/2025 10:17

Are you still talking? Does he interact at all with your child?
Did this behaviour coincide with the breakdown of your relationship or has the relationship broken down since he stopped working.
If he is not paying he needs you to be able to rent out a room and minimise things like heating costs.

RedToothBrush · 06/10/2025 09:52

You say (D) P.

Why is it not Ex P?

You are using language that suggests the relationship isn't over. Why?

pottylolly · 06/10/2025 09:51

Get legal advice. If you have evidence you’ve been paying these past 8 months then you will receive more money when you sell the property.

IAmThePrettiestManOnMyIsland · 06/10/2025 09:46

Here's to wishing you a speedy sale!