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AIBU?

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In Law Wedding Drama

112 replies

ellie09 · 05/10/2025 21:29

Hi all

My DPs cousin got married yesterday. I have made previous thread about this as we assumed I wasnt invited until really recently, and by time I was told, I couldn't make it (no space for dogs & cats at carter/kennels) but ultimately, DP decided he would go on his own and I would stay behind to look after the pets.

The wedding was 2.5 hours drive away, so it meant DP had to stay overnight.

Anyway, on the day, DPs car broke down about half an hour from home. I had to pick him up and car got towed to garage to assess the work. They figures out what was needed, but could only fix it on Monday, which meany DP had no car. There is also no public transport can get you there directly and would require 2 trains and 2 buses, plus a taxi. I didn't offer to drive him up, as its a 5 hour round journey and I had ASD son for the day and planned activities etc.

Unfortunately, this meant that DP couldn't get up to the wedding.

Anyhow - about 2 weeks ago, me and DP had a photoshoot for some nice photos for our wedding website etc. We weren't expecting these back so soon from the photographer, but we got them back today. I was delighted with them and put up a post on my own social media, tagging DP, with a few of the photos.

Now, several of DPs family have started drama and fights with DP.

They're accusing us of having got the photos yesterday (bit of a reach when you consider how long it takes to edit etc)

A few have taken a strop and said they aren't coming to our wedding now, as "DP bunked off the wedding for the photos".

This is absolutely not the case.

I posted these up as I received them back and wanted to share with my own family and friends.

AIBU in sharing these photos?

The bride and groom in question yesterday, are not even on social media, just other family members.

OP posts:
TheLemonPeach · 05/10/2025 23:02

ellie09 · 05/10/2025 23:01

I cant speak for DP, but I was GUTTED O couldn't go - I love a wedding!

He didnt seem too thrilled about going but I encouraged him to go, as I felt bad that I couldn't make it

so bad that to cheer yourself up, you decided to immediately put professional photos about your own wedding on social media, for his family to see.

Thoughts and prayers in these difficult times for you 😂

TheLemonPeach · 05/10/2025 23:01

when trying to look after a dog and two cats as well

How much looking after do your "2 cats" need??😂

ellie09 · 05/10/2025 23:01

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 05/10/2025 22:54

@ellie09Ah so actually ...the car breakdown WAS a relief for him.....

I cant speak for DP, but I was GUTTED O couldn't go - I love a wedding!

He didnt seem too thrilled about going but I encouraged him to go, as I felt bad that I couldn't make it

OP posts:
ellie09 · 05/10/2025 22:58

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 05/10/2025 22:53

Um? ... You could have done something different with your son as this is a one- off important event... Once he missed the wedding - that is for ever!

Or did your OP not really fancy going? And the car break down was a relief?

No one would suggest you would encourage him to drive uninsured... Adding someone to the insurance takes less than 15 mins..
I've done it for friends for my car for a few days use...

Try changing plans with my son! His ASD means he is so rigid with plans/routine that the sudden change would have cause a meltdown for the rest of the day and night, which isnt ideal when trying to look after a dog and two cats as well

I cant speak for DP but he wasnt exactly happy about all the travelling etc, but I had encouraged him to go as he would have a lovely time

For our wedding, we booked somewhere close by to his side of the family (5-10 min drive for most) and it'll be my side travelling almost 2 hours to our wedding

I didnt think about the insurance at the time, as I depend on my car for DS (its a motability car for his safety as he cant use public transport)

OP posts:
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 05/10/2025 22:54

@ellie09Ah so actually ...the car breakdown WAS a relief for him.....

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 05/10/2025 22:53

ellie09 · 05/10/2025 22:00

Well, yep thats it, isn't it?

I politely declined the wedding invite as I couldn't go. Made plans with my DS who has ASD and needs plans/routine to be kept and we cant use public transport as he runs away etc and its a safety concern.

I did mention to DP if he could ask around anyone, or if there was any way up, but ultimately he decided to come back home instead.

I couldn't cancel or let down my DS to let my DP drive my car, uninsured on a 5 your round trip

Um? ... You could have done something different with your son as this is a one- off important event... Once he missed the wedding - that is for ever!

Or did your OP not really fancy going? And the car break down was a relief?

No one would suggest you would encourage him to drive uninsured... Adding someone to the insurance takes less than 15 mins..
I've done it for friends for my car for a few days use...

ellie09 · 05/10/2025 22:49

Shoemadlady · 05/10/2025 22:45

I think it’s bad form to let someone down in their wedding day. Why couldn’t he have driven your car? It takes 5 minutes to get short term car insurance for a couple of days or add him to yours. If you were staying at home to look after animals you could have given up your car surely?

Well, even if I could have given him my car, surely the fact he didnt ask etc isnt exactly my fault. I was out and about with DS at the time and didnt even get his call/text until half an hour after he broke down and had stuff to do all day

He called me at the garage to be picked up - I tried to give him some alternatives but he said he wanted to come home

OP posts:
Shoemadlady · 05/10/2025 22:45

I think it’s bad form to let someone down in their wedding day. Why couldn’t he have driven your car? It takes 5 minutes to get short term car insurance for a couple of days or add him to yours. If you were staying at home to look after animals you could have given up your car surely?

ellie09 · 05/10/2025 22:44

TheatricalLife · 05/10/2025 22:39

Well, what can you do then 🤷‍♀️ if they don't believe you when you've shown proof, there isn't any point in continuing a conversation about it. If people choose not to come to your wedding then that's up to them. I wouldn't engage with the drama.

This is what I have told DP.

At the end of the day, I gave DP options that he could try to get up to the wedding, but he decided to come home instead.

I posted photos because I was excited about getting them and wanted to share with MY family and friends (most of his family are NOT on my social media, except his mum and sisters), I gave DP a choice on to accept the post on his wall (and he accepted it on) and didnt think this would be an issue, as the photos dont exactly scream "bridal" or "engagement" - just us posing next to some flowers in our jeans and jacket - two weeks ago!

You win some, you lose some, eh?

OP posts:
TheatricalLife · 05/10/2025 22:39

ellie09 · 05/10/2025 22:34

We did send screenshots of WhatsApp arrangements with our photographer and videos of the car broke down being towed away .. Lol. Apparently, we are both liars

Well, what can you do then 🤷‍♀️ if they don't believe you when you've shown proof, there isn't any point in continuing a conversation about it. If people choose not to come to your wedding then that's up to them. I wouldn't engage with the drama.

GoodOldTrayBake · 05/10/2025 22:38

ellie09 · 05/10/2025 22:34

We did send screenshots of WhatsApp arrangements with our photographer and videos of the car broke down being towed away .. Lol. Apparently, we are both liars

Well then I would surmise that there is a lot more going on and your in laws really don’t like you and are using this as an excuse to make this clear

ellie09 · 05/10/2025 22:36

TheLemonPeach · 05/10/2025 22:31

that's not what you said at all, you wrote that YOU put them on your own social media.

Hardly the same as being tagged, which you can keep private for a few days anyway.

Luckily my MOH is exactly like me
fabulous, around a bridzilla like you, what could possibly go wrong 😂😂

Yes, I posted them as well as the photographer because I was excited to share them with people close to me

A DP's cousins wedding, that I did not go to, dont have most of the family on my social media and no bride and groom on any social media platforms, I thought it was pretty safe to post without any fall out - I thought wrong clearly

OP posts:
Sevillian · 05/10/2025 22:35

ellie09 · 05/10/2025 22:15

Well, technically not on the day, the next day,and shared after the photographer already put them up and tagged us, so they would have seen them anyway...

Not my fault that the photographer happened to finish the edits and post/send them today!

The photographer won't be allowed to put them up on an independent website without your prior approval.

You also went pro-active and chose to put them on your own social media too.

Incredible.

ellie09 · 05/10/2025 22:34

GoodOldTrayBake · 05/10/2025 22:30

Urgh you all sounds as bad as each other.

”Wedding website photoshoot”.

And yeh posting it the day after a family member wedding is a poor move. They might be your DPs family, but if you’re getting married, they will soon be your family and so you should show a bit more tact and class.

And why are you extending the drama by posting on MN? Just send them a screenshot of your photoshoot appointment date from two weeks ago and a screenshot of your car breakdown service invoice. Evidence provided. Drama over immediately. Hopefully apology given. Move on.

But I think you like the drama…

We did send screenshots of WhatsApp arrangements with our photographer and videos of the car broke down being towed away .. Lol. Apparently, we are both liars

OP posts:
TheLemonPeach · 05/10/2025 22:33

ellie09 · 05/10/2025 22:26

Maybe I am just too laid back, or attended too many family weddings/friend weddings to really care if someone posted up photos of their other half in a photoshoot done weeks ago the following day after my wedding

My friend got engaged and posted up photos the night after my engagement party - did I care? No! I was delighted my friend was getting married too

Very weird behaviour to me - but like I said, maybe thats just me!

Yes, it's just you.

Most people would have just kept a low profile and not try to bring all the attention to themselves and their future wedding in such circumstances.

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 05/10/2025 22:32

ellie09 · 05/10/2025 21:51

I needed my car that day and the following day - and he isnt insured to drive my car anyway.

Half of this is a valid excuse, but the other isn’t: he easily could have paid to be insured on your car for the duration of the trip.

TheLemonPeach · 05/10/2025 22:31

ellie09 · 05/10/2025 22:22

We were tagged in the post - anyone who is our friend would see it pop up on their feed at some point anyhow

Luckily my MOH is exactly like me - two peas in a pod, bring on the antics, cant wait to see how many distant family members we can piss off

that's not what you said at all, you wrote that YOU put them on your own social media.

Hardly the same as being tagged, which you can keep private for a few days anyway.

Luckily my MOH is exactly like me
fabulous, around a bridzilla like you, what could possibly go wrong 😂😂

GoodOldTrayBake · 05/10/2025 22:31

ellie09 · 05/10/2025 22:28

If its any consolation, the photographer had also posted them with us tagged, as the photos were done and sent to us.

Even if I didnt put them up, people would have seen them

I’m sure you could have messaged the photographer and asked for the tags to be removed or for the upload to be delayed by a few days. But as I said in my previous post, it sounds like you like the drama and you come across as very ‘me me me’ - so the idea of you considering someone else’s feelings before your own may be an alien concept

GoodOldTrayBake · 05/10/2025 22:30

Urgh you all sounds as bad as each other.

”Wedding website photoshoot”.

And yeh posting it the day after a family member wedding is a poor move. They might be your DPs family, but if you’re getting married, they will soon be your family and so you should show a bit more tact and class.

And why are you extending the drama by posting on MN? Just send them a screenshot of your photoshoot appointment date from two weeks ago and a screenshot of your car breakdown service invoice. Evidence provided. Drama over immediately. Hopefully apology given. Move on.

But I think you like the drama…

ellie09 · 05/10/2025 22:28

Owly11 · 05/10/2025 22:25

He should have taken your car - you can get insurance by the day and the wedding was the priority over anything you had planned. It was also insensitive to post your own photos the same weekend of their wedding. You are being unreasonable.

If its any consolation, the photographer had also posted them with us tagged, as the photos were done and sent to us.

Even if I didnt put them up, people would have seen them

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 05/10/2025 22:27

sittingonabeach · 05/10/2025 22:00

You can add someone onto your car insurance on the day. I have had to when DS’s car broke down and he needed to use my car.

Never heard of anyone having photos before a wedding

Well you have now.

ellie09 · 05/10/2025 22:26

Bambamhoohoo · 05/10/2025 22:22

It’s usual for there to be jealously and angst when young family members start getting married, especially when it happens close to each other. You’ll have your day soon enough

Maybe I am just too laid back, or attended too many family weddings/friend weddings to really care if someone posted up photos of their other half in a photoshoot done weeks ago the following day after my wedding

My friend got engaged and posted up photos the night after my engagement party - did I care? No! I was delighted my friend was getting married too

Very weird behaviour to me - but like I said, maybe thats just me!

OP posts:
Owly11 · 05/10/2025 22:25

He should have taken your car - you can get insurance by the day and the wedding was the priority over anything you had planned. It was also insensitive to post your own photos the same weekend of their wedding. You are being unreasonable.

ellie09 · 05/10/2025 22:24

PullTheBricksDown · 05/10/2025 22:22

In these pre wedding photos, are you wearing your bride and groom outfits then, so it's like advance wedding photos? Or something else?

No, just normal clothes, jeans and jumper and it was taken two weeks ago at a botanical garden near us

It was part of pur wedding package to have an "engagement shoot", but all the photos were just us walking, sitting on a bench etc. I spared the photos of any close up ring etc as its not my style

OP posts:
Bambamhoohoo · 05/10/2025 22:22

It’s usual for there to be jealously and angst when young family members start getting married, especially when it happens close to each other. You’ll have your day soon enough