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AIBU?

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In Law Wedding Drama

112 replies

ellie09 · 05/10/2025 21:29

Hi all

My DPs cousin got married yesterday. I have made previous thread about this as we assumed I wasnt invited until really recently, and by time I was told, I couldn't make it (no space for dogs & cats at carter/kennels) but ultimately, DP decided he would go on his own and I would stay behind to look after the pets.

The wedding was 2.5 hours drive away, so it meant DP had to stay overnight.

Anyway, on the day, DPs car broke down about half an hour from home. I had to pick him up and car got towed to garage to assess the work. They figures out what was needed, but could only fix it on Monday, which meany DP had no car. There is also no public transport can get you there directly and would require 2 trains and 2 buses, plus a taxi. I didn't offer to drive him up, as its a 5 hour round journey and I had ASD son for the day and planned activities etc.

Unfortunately, this meant that DP couldn't get up to the wedding.

Anyhow - about 2 weeks ago, me and DP had a photoshoot for some nice photos for our wedding website etc. We weren't expecting these back so soon from the photographer, but we got them back today. I was delighted with them and put up a post on my own social media, tagging DP, with a few of the photos.

Now, several of DPs family have started drama and fights with DP.

They're accusing us of having got the photos yesterday (bit of a reach when you consider how long it takes to edit etc)

A few have taken a strop and said they aren't coming to our wedding now, as "DP bunked off the wedding for the photos".

This is absolutely not the case.

I posted these up as I received them back and wanted to share with my own family and friends.

AIBU in sharing these photos?

The bride and groom in question yesterday, are not even on social media, just other family members.

OP posts:
TheLemonPeach · 06/10/2025 11:28

WildLeader · 06/10/2025 10:47

Yanbu at all. Let your dp deal with his family, they made it clear you’re not a priority so don’t make them one in your life.

you do realise however that putting your OH on your insurance may in fact reduce your premiums. Look into it, it might save you a few bob.

and even so, you still needn’t have altered your plans with your son.

Indeed, the OP on the weekend of someone's else wedding is not a priority.

Why on earth should she 😂

WildLeader · 06/10/2025 10:47

Yanbu at all. Let your dp deal with his family, they made it clear you’re not a priority so don’t make them one in your life.

you do realise however that putting your OH on your insurance may in fact reduce your premiums. Look into it, it might save you a few bob.

and even so, you still needn’t have altered your plans with your son.

ellie09 · 06/10/2025 10:37

AC246 · 06/10/2025 10:29

Do not respond or engage.
Take it as a heads up that his mother is not to be trusted.
Put her on a full information diet and keep your distance.
Enjoy your day.

I already keep my distance and I think DP is learning now himself (I didnt want to say or bitch about his mum, he needs to figure that out for himself)

He's basically told her if family members have conveyed they wont attend our wedding, then thats grand - we save money and can invite more of our friends instead.

We were supposed to head up to see his family next week, but I think that is now off the cards considering the behaviour and vibe we have been getting. May leave it to cool a bit first.

OP posts:
AC246 · 06/10/2025 10:29

Do not respond or engage.
Take it as a heads up that his mother is not to be trusted.
Put her on a full information diet and keep your distance.
Enjoy your day.

ellie09 · 06/10/2025 10:06

Peoplepleaserincrisis · 06/10/2025 09:44

I think people are being really weird on this thread. Wedding websites with an engagement shoot photo of the couple are really normal these days - it's and easier and more streamlined way of getting out invites and managing RSVPs. OP says she doesn't really have any of the wedding party on her SM so wouldn't have really considered her posting to be stepping on any toes.

The break down was unfortunate and a last minute let down to the wedding couple is disappointing and frustrating but I think the suggestion that OP drop all plans (regardless or ASD son), buy roadside insurance on her car (which presumably her DP won't need to really use again), drive them half an hour back home, THEN set out again (by this time at least an hour later than planned) seems bonkers. She has evidence that the car broke down which the family don't believe. DP reached out to try and get a lift and was unable to and surely not everyone can justify the cost of just hiring a car (admittedly don't know how much this costs but sounds like they will soon have to pay out money for car repairs as well). If OP's DP had really wanted to go, he would have found a way but its hardly OP's job to micromanage the travel of her adult partner.

Really don't get the vitriol directed at OP for what seems to be an (incorrect) assumption by her partners family.

I absolutely did not expect anything to blow up. DP hadn't seen his cousin in years, they aren't close by any means.

The organisation of the wedding itself seemed "half assed", where our invitation was sent to DPs mum, who lives 1.5 hours away and they relied on his mum to give us the information - one month before the big day. They couldn't even be bothered to try getting our address or reaching out directly. All this combined meant it was extremely difficult for us both to attend, so we settled on DP.

When DPs car broke down, I was already out and about with DS doing the full day of activities I planned and relayed to DS. Anyone who has ASD kids will know that cancelling this to drive in a car for 5 hours, would result in absolute meltdown and disregulation.

Even if I could have drove him down, it was an amber warning day with high winds and rain - driving in conditions like this even down the road frightens me, never mind 5 hour round trip up the coast where the weather was atrocious. DP quite rightly said that he didnt want me driving on my own with DS anyhow for that length of time back home and in dangerous conditions.

Thanks for the well thought out reply

OP posts:
CoastalCalm · 06/10/2025 10:06

Post evidence of the booking for the photoshoot and of the car breaking down and leave it at that

Peoplepleaserincrisis · 06/10/2025 09:44

I think people are being really weird on this thread. Wedding websites with an engagement shoot photo of the couple are really normal these days - it's and easier and more streamlined way of getting out invites and managing RSVPs. OP says she doesn't really have any of the wedding party on her SM so wouldn't have really considered her posting to be stepping on any toes.

The break down was unfortunate and a last minute let down to the wedding couple is disappointing and frustrating but I think the suggestion that OP drop all plans (regardless or ASD son), buy roadside insurance on her car (which presumably her DP won't need to really use again), drive them half an hour back home, THEN set out again (by this time at least an hour later than planned) seems bonkers. She has evidence that the car broke down which the family don't believe. DP reached out to try and get a lift and was unable to and surely not everyone can justify the cost of just hiring a car (admittedly don't know how much this costs but sounds like they will soon have to pay out money for car repairs as well). If OP's DP had really wanted to go, he would have found a way but its hardly OP's job to micromanage the travel of her adult partner.

Really don't get the vitriol directed at OP for what seems to be an (incorrect) assumption by her partners family.

ellie09 · 06/10/2025 09:43

Bambamhoohoo · 06/10/2025 09:09

A website with the wedding details? Haven’t you been to a wedding in the last 15 years?!

Its just a digital way for us to get RSVPs etc than depending on calls/texts or paper copies arriving to the house. Its really good for checking confirmed guest lists etc.

I'm also using it to put up some useful info for wedding guests on my side that are travelling up and dont know the area - places to stay, recommendations for make up or hair if needed, discount code for booking rooms etc and directions to the venue.

We're also planning to QR code the table plan etc so its also on the website and we can edit right up to the day.

We need some images to make it look a bit nicer and personalised, so we thought it was a good idea to utilize our included shoot in our wedding package to get some nice, candid photos for it. None of the photos have a ring in clear view etc as it isnt my style. We are just walking, chatting, sitting on benches - candid type photos in jeans, jumper etc

OP posts:
GAJLY · 06/10/2025 09:22

parietal · 05/10/2025 21:37

They are all being ridiculous. Just tell them that DPs car broke down and separately you posted some photos taken 2 weeks ago. And ask what they are bothered about.

Agree with this 👆

Sunfloweranddaisy · 06/10/2025 09:18

Bambamhoohoo · 06/10/2025 09:09

A website with the wedding details? Haven’t you been to a wedding in the last 15 years?!

Yes thanks I have been to many, but usually get an invite in the post! Never heard of a wedding website or anyone having one.

Bambamhoohoo · 06/10/2025 09:09

Sunfloweranddaisy · 06/10/2025 09:00

What’s a wedding website?

A website with the wedding details? Haven’t you been to a wedding in the last 15 years?!

Sunfloweranddaisy · 06/10/2025 09:00

What’s a wedding website?

ellie09 · 06/10/2025 08:55

Ponderingwindow · 06/10/2025 02:55

It’s tacky to bring the focus to your wedding on another person’s wedding day.
In 2025, that includes with overlapping family members on social media.

No wedding photos are shared or will be shared, as the couple aren't even on social media!

Im beginning to think that no social media is the way to go

OP posts:
ellie09 · 06/10/2025 08:54

LunchtimeNaps · 06/10/2025 00:07

So you posted some photos relating to your wedding on the cousins wedding day that DP didn't turn up to. I personally think by posting those pics you were asking for trouble/drama. I doubt you are that naive and probably knew that yourself and could have delayed your post for the sake of family harmony.

Well, if you wanted to get technical, it wasnt on the wedding day.

The photos dont look engagementy or wedding like - just professional photos of a couple (no ring pics etc). I didnt think photos of this nature would cause such a stir, especially with extended family (I would understand if it were close family, but even DP hasn't seen his cousin in years so they aren't even close)

OP posts:
ellie09 · 06/10/2025 08:52

TheLemonPeach · 05/10/2025 23:01

when trying to look after a dog and two cats as well

How much looking after do your "2 cats" need??😂

Not so much the actual care of the cats, its everyone combined - a DS that requires constant supervision because of his ASD, and being a peacemaker between two cats and a dog (who are civil but still wind each other up)

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 06/10/2025 02:55

It’s tacky to bring the focus to your wedding on another person’s wedding day.
In 2025, that includes with overlapping family members on social media.

Selttan · 06/10/2025 02:01

TheLemonPeach · 05/10/2025 23:01

when trying to look after a dog and two cats as well

How much looking after do your "2 cats" need??😂

If they are anything like my two princesses - a lot!

Latenightreader · 06/10/2025 01:05

ellie09 · 05/10/2025 21:54

Last minute, on the day, at the roadside?

My Dad leant me his car earlier this year at short notice and it was a very quick process. Can't remember what needed to be done but it was definitely under half an hour.

PrincessofWells · 06/10/2025 00:28

ellie09 · 05/10/2025 21:54

Last minute, on the day, at the roadside?

Yes, it can be pretty much instant - it just takes one call.

LunchtimeNaps · 06/10/2025 00:07

So you posted some photos relating to your wedding on the cousins wedding day that DP didn't turn up to. I personally think by posting those pics you were asking for trouble/drama. I doubt you are that naive and probably knew that yourself and could have delayed your post for the sake of family harmony.

Shutuptrevor · 06/10/2025 00:01

It’s all a bit MAFS, innit.

UneFoisAuChalet · 05/10/2025 23:53

ellie09 · 05/10/2025 22:02

If it was a legitimate emergency, I dont think.it would bother me at all.

As long as my close family and close friends are able to make it - I will be happy.

Just to note, if it were my family, one of mine would hands down drive down and pick up somebody as a favour.

Me me me

Diarygirlqueen · 05/10/2025 23:40

This is the third post about this wedding, you're trying to act all cool but you def love the drama.
It was very tasteless to put them up so soon. People would have been disappointed he didn't attend the wedding and then to see photos up is a kick in the face. Although, I'm starting to think you're loving all this attention.

Delphiniumandlupins · 05/10/2025 23:11

Cancelling on the day of a wedding is really rude and you'll understand that soon. Your DP sounds a bit hopeless.

Nearly50omg · 05/10/2025 23:09

ellie09 · 05/10/2025 22:58

Try changing plans with my son! His ASD means he is so rigid with plans/routine that the sudden change would have cause a meltdown for the rest of the day and night, which isnt ideal when trying to look after a dog and two cats as well

I cant speak for DP but he wasnt exactly happy about all the travelling etc, but I had encouraged him to go as he would have a lovely time

For our wedding, we booked somewhere close by to his side of the family (5-10 min drive for most) and it'll be my side travelling almost 2 hours to our wedding

I didnt think about the insurance at the time, as I depend on my car for DS (its a motability car for his safety as he cant use public transport)

I don’t think legally you could have insured your dp on a notability car as it’s meant to be for your ds carer to drive him around