In Law Wedding Drama

Op, I don't think you were being unreasonable, having being accused of lying by in laws years ago over something , I totally get how upsetting it gets, I would leave any contact down to your DP, I would also think about moving your wedding closer to your family tbh!

If you have a child with ASD then you'll know that no two are the same surely?

People saying that yes, you were unreasonable, when you ASKED them. Having to even ask should have been your first clue.

hardly an uproar 😂

Yes! It takes seconds to add someone on!

Also what on earth has ASD got to do with needing your car? I have a child with ASD and it has absolutely no bearing on us having a car or not!

especially when you (or your partner) are a very last minute no-show after you accepted the invitation

Sounds like a storm in a teacup to me, whichever side of the equation you happen to be standing on.

In my world this comes strictly under the category of 'small stuff'.

Wedding websites are absolutely normal and so are engagement photos. Just don’t send them out on another family member’s wedding day/weekend and you are good.

OP, I really admire your patient responses given some seem determined to paint you in the worst light possible!

Of course you're not being unreasonable, they're being absolutely batshit.

I don't use social media anyway, but I wouldn't post or share with family the photos of my wedding (even old) so close to another family member's wedding... It just screams call for attention.
I would have waited a week or so.

This is jut a bucket load of projection on your part, though. I don’t see any obsession or competition between OP and the cousins. Despite your experience weddings—even family weddings—are not a competition and the bragging rights for “we got married “ don’t obtain for more than the day.

you've said that, again and again, but clearly your DP's family has seen them, and can't have been that casual if they had immediately known it was for the wedding!

If your DP was my own son, had rudely not shown up at a wedding when he accepted the invitation and then put photos about his own wedding the same day or the following day, I would have asked him what the hell he was playing at and to learn some basic manners. It wouldn't have killed you, or him, to wait a few days instead of jumping "me me me" before most guests put the photos of the cousins wedding on their own social media (because people do nowadays..)

Just rude.

You are confusing RSVP: no thank you
and apologies for not turning up on the day after accepting the invitation.

Having basic manners is not being in awe of anything.

The only bridezilla here is the OP who had to post about her own wedding that exact weekend, to make sure the attention was on her.

It frequently costs over £100 pp to cater for each guest, so yes I would expect apologies. And I would apologise profusely myself if I didn't turn up to a wedding on the day regardless of the cause.

Nothing to do with bridezilla. I'd apologise for wasting someone's money and food whatever the event.

The thing is, you or DP being at the cousins wedding wasn’t a significant event for anyone else either. They sent the invite to their aunts house, that’s how little they cared whether you came.

yet you’ve posted, what, 3 times about it? You do seem rather more invested in it than you should be, and I suspect it’s that common pre bride jealousy when you want your day and anyone coming nearby is a bit of a rival for attention.

OP i have a horrible Mil. I wasted loads of head space around my wedding trying to get her to care about us. I was eaten up by the weddings before and after which were more important to in laws.

this is just a symptom of a fucked up family. you’re marrying into it, you have to find a way to cope that doesn’t drain your emotional energy. It took me 10 years to get to that place and I’m still bitter. Start recognising it now.

Maybe DP’s mum is deflecting somewhat by not having your back - she was at fault for not passing on the invitation till a month before the wedding (though also the couple getting married should have sent it directly to your DP and you). She’s happy enough for people to think the lack of attendance from you two is more due to you having secret photo plans, rather than as a partial consequence of her poor organisation in not passing the message on (coupled with unexpected car problem).

@Hohumdedum grovelling apologies for not attending the wedding?? 🤣🤣🤣

You’re one of those bridezilla types that thinks your wedding is oh so special and everyone should be in awe of the occasion.

News flash: no-one else cares. 😆

The relatives are batshit and drama llamas so I’d ignore them and not dignify their ramblings with any comment whatsoever.

I think it's not surprising your ILs are upset.

It's a wedding. Often very expensive to invite per guest and super rude to bail on the day. It doesn't sound like either of you really made much effort to solve the problem - add him to your insurance, get a hire car, drive him somewhere closer so he could get easier public transport part of the way, find a garage that offers courtesy cars....

If every effort was made to get there and sadly failed, it's still super insensitive and needless to post stuff about your own wedding the day after pulling out of a relative's! Totally looks like you're rubbing their face in it rather than offering grovelling apologies.