My husband is giving up on our 7 year old daughter.

You need to parent separately. He lives somewhere else cheap, pays you maintenance. It's shit but his state of mind is not safe for her. He needs to recover from whatever it is, burnout, mental health, whatever this blocked care thing is pp have mentioned. (Off to Google next because I've not heard of it but betting I will recognise it)
He needs to ease your burden in ways he can manage that do not involve caring for her.

Parenting autistic/ADHD/ODD kids is relentless hard work. On top of full time long hours work and not sleeping it is no wonder he is struggling. Support from the state is shit or non existent. School can make things worse rather than better. (Experience of both) It is very easy to get to breaking point. He needs help. Your daughter needs protecting, you are going to need a shit load of support.

I think what you are missing here is that the parent isn't wanting to offload their child as if that child is a problem, what the parent wants is for the child to be able to access resources to meet the child's additional needs, leaving the child at a hospital doesn't do that, it just leaves the child more open to further problems.

I don't know what they'd do but I do know that there are an overwhelming amount of children held in hospitals on sections or likewise for long term or very long term without receiving actual therapeutic treatment.

Heck there are lots of adults who are ND who are also held in hospital long term and very long term (years) without any therapeutic treatment. It's a significant cause of trauma and exacerbates comorbid conditions like eating disorders and mental illness, further exacerbating dysregulation and impulsive behaviours, even self harm and suicide attempts.

A lot of these children and adults are awaiting social care and placements in some sort of foster placement or supported living, taking up beds and spaces that people who could benefit from therapeutic inpatient treatment need or are simply being turned away.

Parents of ND children aren't exempt from child abandonment rules either, so police would definitely be involved.

Police involvement wouldn't magically create a placement in a supported living or care facility.

They would put a lot of pressure on the parents to pick them up and the parents would also be threatened with a charge of child abandonment. Not many parents would hold out against that.

There really are no ‘placements’ handily available for ND children and young people. My DD1 is finally at a residential college, but we’ve had to go through a very long process to get her there. And it isn’t residential yet, it’s a day placement moving towards a residential placement in due course.

Tbh @RubySquid you are BVU to dismiss the bond between a parent and child as if it can just be ‘put into a placement’ and forgotten about.

And any sort of insistence that the child is removed would not mean that the family could continue seamlessly with no interruptions, nothing to see here.

The first thing would be extensive SS intervention and monitoring. If you refuse to parent one child it naturally calls into consideration your bond and fitness to parent the others. Huge pressure would be put on you to have the child back; it would not be an arrangement with any sort of permanency.

@Southshore18 given you can’t answer me with courtesy it does rather call into question what you consider to be ‘hate speech.’ There was none in the post I saw that I can recall but as you curtly said I appear to have had a ‘memory lapse.’

So what would they do? I'm asking . If the parent refuses to have the chid then something would have to happen. Instead of answering that question you are repeating about lack of provision. We all know that's an issue but in the scenario I statef something would need to be done

You are absolutely ignorant as to the lack of resources, and keep trying to push this idea they'd 'find' a placement.

so you write a post full of hate speech (which rightfully got removed) and as I don't agree with you, you are now going for personal insults. Charming.

He likely is setting up for or is having an affair. He wants you to end it.

For a lone chid?

The ‘placement’ would likely be a bed and breakfast or a room in travel lodge or similar. And it would be for an extended amount of time because as has been said a million times before, suitable placements, tailored for the needs of these disabled people are thin on the ground.

DH and I have been married nearly 27 years. I’m surprised we’re still together tbh because as you rightly point out the stress of raising ND kids is immense. Our marriage has definitely been stressed to breaking point over the years, there’s just no support out there.
I think we’re on the home straight now, DS1 is 25, engaged and living in his own home. DS2 is 18 and is much more self aware now and more able to control his emotions.

i didn't memorise either but I reported it because is was a horrific post. You having a memory lapse doesn't change that fact.

Was it? I didn’t see any nasty or vile language at all although of course I didn’t memorise it.

I think ‘placements’ is an outdated concept. Things have moved on and it’s naive to think anybody could just put their child in a ‘placement’ and move on. But there are parents and children living half lives out there where they are trapped through no fault of their own in a hellish situation.

There was an advert for a washing powder that featured an autistic teenager and her sister. It was meant (I think) to show how hard life was for teens with autism but I think (inadvertently, possibly) it also showed how acute the suffering of their siblings was. The girl in question couldn’t even chat to her friend in the car on the way to school.

Go back and read your own posts.

Refused what ? What hospital are you going to take your child to and leave there ? What parent would abandon their child at a social services office ? These children may be disabled but they are still human beings and deserve to be treated as such, not just entities to be abandoned because they’re too difficult to deal with and the able bodied ones take priority. YOU CAN’T FIND A PLACEMENT THAT DOESN’T EXIST !!!!

Where am I blaming the parents?

But there aren’t any more. EVERYTHING is over stretched and over subscribed. Blaming the parents for the failings of society to provide adequate support isn’t the answer.

If the parents refused until they got help what would actually happen then? Say for example the kid was left in a hospital or at social services office. They cannot force the parents to take the kids back. .would have to find a placement then

But there should be options and used to be Read my bloody post above .

There haven’t been placements for these kids for some time. The provision just isn’t there. They are violent and abusive and the facilities available to cope with such behaviours are thin on the ground. So families have to cope. Calling them out for it and accusing them of essentially neglecting their other children is ignorant and ableist. Respite is non existent. We all know what should be done but the resources to do it aren’t there. What do you suggest families do that they aren’t already ?

You’re not telling the truth, you’re apportioning blame. If you can’t see that then I can’t help you. Other than taking these children out in the car and dumping them miles from home, these families have no option but to try to cope as best they can with minimal support. You have no idea what the truth is.

But there used to be placements for these kids. Just apparently this is a no no now. It's not helping many people is it all this " care in the family/ community"

Parents should have options on whether they can keep the child , have respite or give it up totally.

All this inclusiveness stuff has caused this giving no one help or choices these days

Why? Because I'm telling the truth even if it's not palatable ?