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AIBU?

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Original poster

Niece sold family property

308 replies

Sodi · 05/10/2025 18:10

Hi, so my parents owned a property that has been in our family for generations. About 15 years ago my parents had to move out as it was a flat in a building which did have a lift but it didn’t go to the top floor and they weren’t mobile enough to use the stairs. My sister was going through a divorce at this time and moved in. When my parents passed away in 2019 and 2020 respectively they left the flat to my sister in its entirety as she was living there. I got the holiday home and some savings they had but ultimately the flat was worth much more (central London location). I didn’t really mind as long as it stayed in the family.
my sister then passed away quite suddenly in 2022. My niece was abroad for university but it was left to her. We stepped in to help with funeral planning etc as my niece was only 21 at the time and an only child. We also helped her organise insurance for the property, and we were the ones who checked in on it regularly while she was abroad.
She moved back to London for her masters in 2023 and moved back in, we lost touch with her despite trying to keep contact, she wasn’t interested.

The property meant a lot to me, I remember my grandparents living there, then in my late teens and uni years I lived there with my parents, then it was my sisters. We no longer live anywhere near London as we moved 2 years ago but I liked knowing it was in the family.

Recently my son asked me what happened to the flat, I asked what he meant and he told me that he had noticed niece had moved back to her country of birth and fathers home country so probably wasn’t using the flat. I reached out to my niece and she told me she had sold it. I got extremely upset, and was probably a bit harsh on her. But if I had known she was wanting to sell I’d have found a way to purchase it myself for my own family. However she gave me no notice she was planning to do this.

She told me she didn’t want to keep it as it reminded her too much of her mums death, which is fair enough. However I think it was extremely insensitive of her to sell a property that had been in the family for so long without checking in with me or my cousins.

My husband thinks I’m being unreasonable as the property wasn’t mine, it was my nieces to do as she wished with and that happened to be selling it. However I’m not disagreeing with her right to sell it just her choice not to check if anyone in the family wanted to buy it before letting strangers have it (and most likely turn it into a rental or AirBnB).

AIBU?

OP posts:
HaveItOffTilICough · 05/10/2025 20:11

If you had bought it, then what? Who would have lived there?

This is a very good point. OP is being very sniffy about the prospect of the new owners turning it into an Airbnb, but is she planning to keep it empty as a shrine?

catlover123456789 · 05/10/2025 20:10

Its a shame she didn't offer to sell to family first before selling but perhaps she just didn't think. As you say she's still quite young.

moderndilemma · 05/10/2025 20:07

Deliveroo · 05/10/2025 19:48

I don’t think an expectation of first refusal in completely unreasonable - I’m hoping to be offered similar if my db decides to sell a property that he inherited that I have a huge sentimental attachment for.

But realistically, it opens up the seller to a world of trouble. what if you can’t quite stretch to market value? What if you need more time to get the money together? What if more than one relative is interested? If someone was contemplating this, would you not advise them to just go ahead and list the property and avoid all that potential?

It’s hard to adapt to changes of ownership, when you have a sentimental connection. My gps house was left to my uncle (largely because he failed to launch, and my gm wanted him provided for). When he died he left it to my db, not to my dm or to me because he wanted it to stay in the family name. Neither myself nor my dm ever used our married names but the sexism prevails because it is his right. And I find myself with complex feelings about my sil’s ownership of, and plans for, a house that as a child I felt I belonged in. The logical part of me knows IABveryU but my inner child is still sad.

You need to let this go op, and apologise. And then grieve a little. But don’t let bricks and mortar break relationships.

I doubt the OP is going to come back after the kicking she's had. But I agree with this post regarding the 'inner child' the one who isn't always rational and logical and would have loved to live inthe house.

I had a different but similar situation when my dparents died. Their home (the family home from df's parents was left equally to me and my sibling. My sibling (who lives far away) had a stronger emotional attachment to the house than I did - not only was it a connection to their home but also to their town and country of origin. Sibling is well off and wanted to keep them house (jointly owned between us) and rent it out. I was at a place in life where I really needed cash from the sale, not an ongoing income. Plus I live near the property and all the work of renting and managing a rental would have fallen on my shoulders.

It was a hard no from me, and I know my sibling was very sad about it. But they accepted it, and we have shared happy memories together, which we talk about.

sunflowersintheday · 05/10/2025 20:05

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/10/2025 20:04

If OP never said anything, how was niece supposed to know? Especially as they clearly aren't close and don't really have a relationship. It probably didn't even occur to her because of that.

Also, why is niece supposed to be nice but OP soon got in contact with her to be ''harsh'' with her without first thinking it through? There seems to be an expectation for niece to ''be kind'' when OP couldn't even manage it herself.

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This ⬆️

Pedallleur · 05/10/2025 20:05

If it had been offered would you have bought it?

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/10/2025 20:04

steff13 · 05/10/2025 19:58

Like I said, to be nice. It's ok to do things sometimes just to be nice. It would have cost her exactly nothing to notify OP that she planned to sell the property.

OP clearly has some sort of emotional attachment to it, and it would make no difference to the niece who buys it. As long as they pay the asking price it doesn't really matter. So why not just say "hey I'm planning to sell the property for x amount of money if you are interested in buying it but I'm selling it regardless."

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If OP never said anything, how was niece supposed to know? Especially as they clearly aren't close and don't really have a relationship. It probably didn't even occur to her because of that.

Also, why is niece supposed to be nice but OP soon got in contact with her to be ''harsh'' with her without first thinking it through? There seems to be an expectation for niece to ''be kind'' when OP couldn't even manage it herself.

Skybluepinky · 05/10/2025 20:03

It was hers to sell, no idea why you think your opinion counts.

Vineman · 05/10/2025 20:03

The real issue is obviously resentment of how the house was split up by your parents in the first place. I think, in a way, that is understandable.

Unless there are big disparities in wealth then, it's usually best to split evenly otherwise it leads to horrible situations like this.

sunflowersintheday · 05/10/2025 20:02

Webeatthe · 05/10/2025 20:00

We have just sold my MiL’s house after a period of time in a nursing home and then her death.

When she went into the nursing home a friend of hers said that MiL had promised her first refusal. We honoured this with contact and the valuation, just before it was put in the market.
It costs nothing to be reasonable and respectful.

(as it happened the response was ‘oh, it is much more than we expected. We put it in the open market).

It would have been reasonable and respectful for your niece to have let you know.

I disagree. It's the niece's property and her decision.

Lolabear38 · 05/10/2025 20:02

Unfortunately, it was hers to sell. I do think it would have been courteous/ nice of her to at least let you know/ offer you first refusal though, and I totally understand your feelings. I’m sorry x

sunflowersintheday · 05/10/2025 20:01

steff13 · 05/10/2025 19:58

Like I said, to be nice. It's ok to do things sometimes just to be nice. It would have cost her exactly nothing to notify OP that she planned to sell the property.

OP clearly has some sort of emotional attachment to it, and it would make no difference to the niece who buys it. As long as they pay the asking price it doesn't really matter. So why not just say "hey I'm planning to sell the property for x amount of money if you are interested in buying it but I'm selling it regardless."

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Well, she's a young woman who's just lost her Mum and wanted to sell up and move. Maybe being "nice" to her aunt wasn't on her immediate agenda. It sounds as if the aunt wasn't particularly nice to her.

HaveItOffTilICough · 05/10/2025 20:01

steff13 · 05/10/2025 19:58

Like I said, to be nice. It's ok to do things sometimes just to be nice. It would have cost her exactly nothing to notify OP that she planned to sell the property.

OP clearly has some sort of emotional attachment to it, and it would make no difference to the niece who buys it. As long as they pay the asking price it doesn't really matter. So why not just say "hey I'm planning to sell the property for x amount of money if you are interested in buying it but I'm selling it regardless."

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I wouldn’t think to offer my house to the people who used to live there because I was selling up.

Webeatthe · 05/10/2025 20:00

We have just sold my MiL’s house after a period of time in a nursing home and then her death.

When she went into the nursing home a friend of hers said that MiL had promised her first refusal. We honoured this with contact and the valuation, just before it was put in the market.
It costs nothing to be reasonable and respectful.

(as it happened the response was ‘oh, it is much more than we expected. We put it in the open market).

It would have been reasonable and respectful for your niece to have let you know.

Scout2016 · 05/10/2025 19:59

Had you told her you would like the option to buy it if she sold?

Could you have afforded to pay the full going rate for it?

If you had bought it, then what? Who would have lived there?

steff13 · 05/10/2025 19:58

sunflowersintheday · 05/10/2025 19:50

Why?

Show quote history

Like I said, to be nice. It's ok to do things sometimes just to be nice. It would have cost her exactly nothing to notify OP that she planned to sell the property.

OP clearly has some sort of emotional attachment to it, and it would make no difference to the niece who buys it. As long as they pay the asking price it doesn't really matter. So why not just say "hey I'm planning to sell the property for x amount of money if you are interested in buying it but I'm selling it regardless."

HaveItOffTilICough · 05/10/2025 19:57

I knew by the time I got to the end of the first page that the OP wasn’t going to reply.

Sassylovesbooks · 05/10/2025 19:57

I understand that you have fond memories of your grandparents, parents and yourself staying in the flat. You view the flat through a nostalgia window but for your niece the flat holds painful memories. Yes, it might have been nice if your niece had offered the flat to other family members before selling it on the open market. However, she didn't, and perhaps because it holds painful memories for her, she didn't want it staying in the family. No one can take your memories away from you, so hold onto them. Don't hold it against your niece, life is too short to hold onto grudges.

OneFunBrickNewt · 05/10/2025 19:56

Or in other words:

'Lady sells her flat.'

InterIgnis · 05/10/2025 19:55

She sold her own property that was presumably her childhood home. That’s it.

TBH in her position it wouldn’t even occur to me to first offer it to a family member I didn’t have a relationship with. Why would it? Would you have expected her to offer it to you at a discount, btw?

Rosesanddaffs · 05/10/2025 19:53

@Sodi It would have been nice of her to check with you but ultimately it was her decision to do what she wanted.

I get it, we put so much value on childhood homes and the memories we have growing up in them.

I saw my old childhood home up for sale last year, it’s almost been 40 years since we moved out of there but those fond memories are still there and if I ever won the lottery I’d buy it just to have it back in the family.

Enigma54 · 05/10/2025 19:52

sunflowersintheday · 05/10/2025 19:49

No, a relative should not expect "first refusal". How entitled. It's not their property. I suspect it's to get a family discount as well.

This !

IsThisTheWaytoSlamMyPillow · 05/10/2025 19:51

Will you be consulting with every family member - including this niece and cousins - before spending any of the savings or selling the holiday home?

It’s the same thing if you think about it.

ThatLemonBear · 05/10/2025 19:50

YABU for blaming and blowing up at your niece. These problems started with how your parents structured their will, if you want to blame anyone blame them

sunflowersintheday · 05/10/2025 19:50

steff13 · 05/10/2025 19:49

I think it would have been nice for her to let you know she planned to sell, in the event that you wanted to buy it. Ultimately, it was hers to sell, but she could have given you a heads-up.

Why?

sunflowersintheday · 05/10/2025 19:49

No, a relative should not expect "first refusal". How entitled. It's not their property. I suspect it's to get a family discount as well.

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