Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Niece sold family property

308 replies

Sodi · 05/10/2025 18:10

Hi, so my parents owned a property that has been in our family for generations. About 15 years ago my parents had to move out as it was a flat in a building which did have a lift but it didn’t go to the top floor and they weren’t mobile enough to use the stairs. My sister was going through a divorce at this time and moved in. When my parents passed away in 2019 and 2020 respectively they left the flat to my sister in its entirety as she was living there. I got the holiday home and some savings they had but ultimately the flat was worth much more (central London location). I didn’t really mind as long as it stayed in the family.
my sister then passed away quite suddenly in 2022. My niece was abroad for university but it was left to her. We stepped in to help with funeral planning etc as my niece was only 21 at the time and an only child. We also helped her organise insurance for the property, and we were the ones who checked in on it regularly while she was abroad.
She moved back to London for her masters in 2023 and moved back in, we lost touch with her despite trying to keep contact, she wasn’t interested.

The property meant a lot to me, I remember my grandparents living there, then in my late teens and uni years I lived there with my parents, then it was my sisters. We no longer live anywhere near London as we moved 2 years ago but I liked knowing it was in the family.

Recently my son asked me what happened to the flat, I asked what he meant and he told me that he had noticed niece had moved back to her country of birth and fathers home country so probably wasn’t using the flat. I reached out to my niece and she told me she had sold it. I got extremely upset, and was probably a bit harsh on her. But if I had known she was wanting to sell I’d have found a way to purchase it myself for my own family. However she gave me no notice she was planning to do this.

She told me she didn’t want to keep it as it reminded her too much of her mums death, which is fair enough. However I think it was extremely insensitive of her to sell a property that had been in the family for so long without checking in with me or my cousins.

My husband thinks I’m being unreasonable as the property wasn’t mine, it was my nieces to do as she wished with and that happened to be selling it. However I’m not disagreeing with her right to sell it just her choice not to check if anyone in the family wanted to buy it before letting strangers have it (and most likely turn it into a rental or AirBnB).

AIBU?

OP posts:
TheLadyofBower · 05/10/2025 22:35

Sounds like Dn had very hard time growing up, her right to sell is valid she put the flat on the open market and hopefully that will set her up long term.

How harsh were you?

kkloo · 05/10/2025 22:34

I think the decent thing for her to do would have been to see if any of the family had wanted to buy it first.

mjf981 · 05/10/2025 22:34

YABVU here.

It was her property to sell. It probably didn't occur to her that you may have an emotional connection to it and may want to buy it? It wouldn't cross my mind if I were in her shoes. Particularly at such a young age. She's just done what is in her best interests.

It doesn't sound like you're close, and you've probably ruined any chance of a relationship going forward now with the way you've responded to her.

Oh, and the title of the thread is misleading!

Hiptothisjive · 05/10/2025 22:27

Sorry OP getting that upset and emotional over a flat is where you lost me.

It wasn’t your place and your reaction seems very over the top to me.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 05/10/2025 22:26

Wanted to add please apologize to your niece. She doesn’t deserve your anger, plus she might have assumed given the circumstances of her mother’s death you wouldn’t want to live in it either.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 05/10/2025 22:24

Your update makes it all even sadder.

Sounds like your niece had an abusive upbringing and her mother died in tragic circumstances due to her mental health?

This poor girl deserves nothing but compassion and support.

Original poster
Sodi · 05/10/2025 22:16

I just want to say, I was never disagreeing with her right to sell, considering the circumstances around my sisters death I’m not surprised she wanted to sell. We would have been able to buy it for market rate if she had given us time to sell the holiday home (which she never holidayed in as she always spent holidays with her father).
I also did try to keep in touch with her but she would never reply to my messages or calls. She and her mum had a very turbulent relationship, her mum wasn’t always the best parent and ultimately much of my nieces teen years were spent with her being shipped between her parents as my sister would want her living there for sometime then say it was too difficult and send her back to her dad in a different country for 2 years and change her mind. This impacted the relationship the wider family had with my niece as we didn’t get to see her very often.

OP posts:
KittyHigham · 05/10/2025 22:15

Gwenhwyfar · 05/10/2025 21:20

Presumably the holiday home hasn't been in the family for generations? That makes a big difference.

Show quote history

A big difference? Oh come on.

For the last few years the OP has had no contact with her niece so hasn't even set foot in the flat. She lives no where near the flat so isn't walking past wistfully on a regular basis.

To all intents and purposes there's no difference to the OP whether it belonged to her estranged niece or to strangers. There's a sentimental attachment but no actual impact on the OP.

Maybe the niece was well aware that the OP had an unjustified feeling of ownership of this property. Perhaps she felt that it would never feel "hers" to do with as she wished. There must be some reason why she resisted contact after her mother's death.

Feeling sad is one thing. Being angry with her niece is totally out of order.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 05/10/2025 22:13

Overtheatlantic · 05/10/2025 18:14

I would be livid. You had an emotional connection to the property and she didn’t. She probably saw it as a way to make a good amount of money.

What a ridiculous statement. She lived there with her Mom who passed away. Of course she has an emotional connection.

Why would you be livid about a young woman doing what’s right for her?

Plus it’s silly to keep a properly just because you like knowing it’s there. Op didn’t visit it.

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/10/2025 21:52

Gwenhwyfar · 05/10/2025 21:40

She didn't know it was for sale so wouldn't need to have alerts.

It's her relationship to the house we're talking about, not to her niece.

Show quote history

Her relationship with her niece is relevant because if she had a relationship with her niece then she would've been told or her niece would've known how much the place meant to her.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/10/2025 21:40

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/10/2025 21:33

Because she doesn't even live locally any more and because she isn't close enough to her niece to have a relationship with her.

If OP was that attached to the flat, she could've had an alert from property websites and/or could've asked her niece years ago when they were still talking.

Edited
Show quote history

She didn't know it was for sale so wouldn't need to have alerts.

It's her relationship to the house we're talking about, not to her niece.

Namechangerage · 05/10/2025 21:40

LemondrizzleShark · 05/10/2025 18:30

Your parents left it to your sister, not to you. You don’t even live in London, so you were never going to live there.

I got the holiday home and some savings they had but ultimately the flat was worth much more (central London location).

This is the crux of it isn’t it?

Yes - be angry at your parents’ choices, not your niece! Your DSIS would have left you part of the flat too if she wanted it to stay in the “family”. No, it was her flat and then her daughter’s.

Aluna · 05/10/2025 21:35

kirinm · 05/10/2025 19:09

Odd to reach out to an aunt who knew your mum died when you were 21 but still ‘lost touch’. She managed to get in touch when she needed to,

Show quote history

Lost touch, if you read the OP, because aunt tried to keep in contact with you but you weren’t interested:

She moved back to London for her masters in 2023 and moved back in, we lost touch with her despite trying to keep contact, she wasn’t interested

Londonrach1 · 05/10/2025 21:34

Yabu. It wasn't your flat.

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/10/2025 21:33

Gwenhwyfar · 05/10/2025 21:21

She didn't know it was for sale so she couldn't have bid.

Show quote history

Because she doesn't even live locally any more and because she isn't close enough to her niece to have a relationship with her.

If OP was that attached to the flat, she could've had an alert from property websites and/or could've asked her niece years ago when they were still talking.

DreamTheMoors · 05/10/2025 21:26

”Niece sold family property”

It isn’t the “family property,” though, and hadn’t been for many years, had it.
It was your sister’s and then your niece’s.
Your niece sold her property.

Very, very misleading title.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/10/2025 21:21

blubberyboo · 05/10/2025 21:14

Im afraid YABU. All properties have sentimental value to other family members but ultimately the owners are free to do whatever they wish. It may have been more painful for her to know the property was still in the family and preferred a clean break. Also family would not want to pay market value. She was well within her rights to stick it on the open market. In the eyes of the law you could have placed a bid like anyone else had you been looking for a property....you weren't.

She didn't know it was for sale so she couldn't have bid.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/10/2025 21:20

JustStopItNorasaurus · 05/10/2025 18:32

You were left a holiday home. Would you expect to consult with every member of your extended family if you wished to sell it?

Presumably the holiday home hasn't been in the family for generations? That makes a big difference.

MyKindHiker · 05/10/2025 21:15

i think others on here too harsh.

I think you’ll be able to reflect and see being livid isn’t reasonable.

But I understand why you’re gutted. I felt devastated when an old multi-generations house was sold by some relatives (to a developer who then knocked it down) a few years back. So I understand the emotional pull a house can have

blubberyboo · 05/10/2025 21:14

Im afraid YABU. All properties have sentimental value to other family members but ultimately the owners are free to do whatever they wish. It may have been more painful for her to know the property was still in the family and preferred a clean break. Also family would not want to pay market value. She was well within her rights to stick it on the open market. In the eyes of the law you could have placed a bid like anyone else had you been looking for a property....you weren't.

RedFlagsAllOver · 05/10/2025 21:12

You are being ridiculous. My dad bought a watch from his brother years ago, then 6 months before my dad passed away he asked my brother to sell it and gave us the money.
2 years later my cousin sent me a shitty message saying how dare I sell HER dads watch..
It was my dad's watch not hers. That was your neices flat.. not the family's

Lighteningstrikes · 05/10/2025 21:07

I understand you’re upset, but you are wrongly blaming her.

Why didn’t you ever mention to her that if she ever thought about selling, could she give you first refusal?

You’ve also got to bear in mind that she’s very young and obviously had a completely different perspective on things.

Jellybunny56 · 05/10/2025 21:06

Agree with others- it was her flat and entirely her choice.

Starlight7080 · 05/10/2025 21:02

I understand you are attached to it. But realistically if you had brought it who would live in it? Would they feel obliged to stay? Would it really just be a burden.
Its like when you feel you should keep ornaments/furniture and so on. That had belonged to parents.
It must have just held sad memories for her . I doubt your sister would have wanted you to fall out with her daughter over a flat.

lanthanum · 05/10/2025 21:00

Do you still have the holiday home? If not, did you consult the rest of the family before selling it? If you do still have it, would you?