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AIBU?

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Original poster

Niece sold family property

308 replies

Sodi · 05/10/2025 18:10

Hi, so my parents owned a property that has been in our family for generations. About 15 years ago my parents had to move out as it was a flat in a building which did have a lift but it didn’t go to the top floor and they weren’t mobile enough to use the stairs. My sister was going through a divorce at this time and moved in. When my parents passed away in 2019 and 2020 respectively they left the flat to my sister in its entirety as she was living there. I got the holiday home and some savings they had but ultimately the flat was worth much more (central London location). I didn’t really mind as long as it stayed in the family.
my sister then passed away quite suddenly in 2022. My niece was abroad for university but it was left to her. We stepped in to help with funeral planning etc as my niece was only 21 at the time and an only child. We also helped her organise insurance for the property, and we were the ones who checked in on it regularly while she was abroad.
She moved back to London for her masters in 2023 and moved back in, we lost touch with her despite trying to keep contact, she wasn’t interested.

The property meant a lot to me, I remember my grandparents living there, then in my late teens and uni years I lived there with my parents, then it was my sisters. We no longer live anywhere near London as we moved 2 years ago but I liked knowing it was in the family.

Recently my son asked me what happened to the flat, I asked what he meant and he told me that he had noticed niece had moved back to her country of birth and fathers home country so probably wasn’t using the flat. I reached out to my niece and she told me she had sold it. I got extremely upset, and was probably a bit harsh on her. But if I had known she was wanting to sell I’d have found a way to purchase it myself for my own family. However she gave me no notice she was planning to do this.

She told me she didn’t want to keep it as it reminded her too much of her mums death, which is fair enough. However I think it was extremely insensitive of her to sell a property that had been in the family for so long without checking in with me or my cousins.

My husband thinks I’m being unreasonable as the property wasn’t mine, it was my nieces to do as she wished with and that happened to be selling it. However I’m not disagreeing with her right to sell it just her choice not to check if anyone in the family wanted to buy it before letting strangers have it (and most likely turn it into a rental or AirBnB).

AIBU?

OP posts:
CountryGirlInTheCity · 06/10/2025 07:27

Saving estate agent fees might not be worth the hassle of having to deal directly with the purchaser! Especially if they want to keep negotiating the price down, which is much harder if you actually know them.

She probably just wanted the best price she could get in the quickest time so she could go and be with her dad and start processing her mum’s death and all that entails. Waiting for other family members to dilly dally around trying to sell their holiday home and so on is just added hassle she almost certainly wanted to avoid.

I can understand the OP feeling wistful about the property but not this. DN has done nothing wrong.

Whaleandsnail6 · 06/10/2025 07:19

Sodi · 05/10/2025 22:16

I just want to say, I was never disagreeing with her right to sell, considering the circumstances around my sisters death I’m not surprised she wanted to sell. We would have been able to buy it for market rate if she had given us time to sell the holiday home (which she never holidayed in as she always spent holidays with her father).
I also did try to keep in touch with her but she would never reply to my messages or calls. She and her mum had a very turbulent relationship, her mum wasn’t always the best parent and ultimately much of my nieces teen years were spent with her being shipped between her parents as my sister would want her living there for sometime then say it was too difficult and send her back to her dad in a different country for 2 years and change her mind. This impacted the relationship the wider family had with my niece as we didn’t get to see her very often.

Sorry, but you can't possibly have expected her to wait whilst you sold another property.

she likely wanted (and for her own sake and peace if mind needed) the process to be as simple and quick as she could

You have your memories and holiday home...hold on to that and let the thought of the family home go, without resentment towards niece.

At least you have happy memories of there, unlike your poor niece

Nothankyou2025 · 06/10/2025 07:02

kkloo · 06/10/2025 07:00

All she did was mention it, you're the one fixated on it and think you know the OPs motivations despite her stating otherwise.

Show quote history

Yep she very much mentioned it, glad you agree. You have no idea of OPs motivations at all any more than other people do, despite her claims.

Your opinion doesn't matter at all to me. You should try practicising feeling the same when you see a stranger say something valid and reasonable instead of fixating on the words of total strangers.

Plugsocketrocket · 06/10/2025 07:01

The poor niece, to lose her mother so young and then have to deal with that outburst from the OP. I could understand completely the OP feeling nostalgic about the flat but to not have a drop of empathy towards her nieces circumstances and the fact that as a young person in university without a job she needs some financial stability is just callous.

I am presuming the OP would have had to sell an asset and take out a mortgage for the flat, she mentioned it was worth far more than the holiday home which is bricks and mortar she still has and can feel as nostalgic as she feels towards it, but a younger person could need the money much quicker than both of those processes would allow.

I can see why the niece put some distance between herself and her aunt, that level of over bearing behaviour probably necessitated it.

kkloo · 06/10/2025 07:00

Nothankyou2025 · 06/10/2025 06:53

Especially given OPs focus on the different value of the houses she and her sister were given in her original comment.

Show quote history

All she did was mention it, you're the one fixated on it and think you know the OPs motivations despite her stating otherwise.

Nothankyou2025 · 06/10/2025 06:53

LoudSnoringDog · 06/10/2025 06:48

I don’t feel this is to do with the sentiment of the history of the flat, it’s the fact that it’s a central London location and would have sold for £££££

Especially given OPs focus on the different value of the houses she and her sister were given in her original comment.

Starwomanwaiting · 06/10/2025 06:51

LoudSnoringDog · 06/10/2025 06:48

I don’t feel this is to do with the sentiment of the history of the flat, it’s the fact that it’s a central London location and would have sold for £££££

Yeah this. OP needs to take really long, hard look at herself and her motivations. She needs to apologise to her niece. And she needs to do some reflection on the things that really matter in life ultimately.

LoudSnoringDog · 06/10/2025 06:48

I don’t feel this is to do with the sentiment of the history of the flat, it’s the fact that it’s a central London location and would have sold for £££££

Luxio · 06/10/2025 06:45

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 06/10/2025 03:20

You think a 21 yo who lost her abusive mom tragically in her condo and didn’t really know the family owed the OP something?

Op is unfair.

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Agreed. I think especially in light of the update it's plainly obvious why she wanted to sell ASAP and not wait around for the OP to sell the other property so she could buy the nieces property.

I'm genuinely often staggered by the selfishness of posters on MN but I think this thread is possibly one of the worst I've seen in a while. The poor niece no wonder she wants nothing to do with the OP.

InterIgnis · 06/10/2025 03:32

Dopeydoraz · 06/10/2025 03:04

This thread is unfair. Of course you’re right op. Mumsnet is really weird about gifts ans possessions.

It was never OP’s properly, no matter the emotional attachment she had/has to it. It was solely the daughter’s property to do what she saw fit with. The feelings of OP, someone she has little interest in maintaining a relationship with, did not oblige her to do anything other than what she did. Op feeling bad about it doesn’t mean her niece did anything wrong.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 06/10/2025 03:20

Dopeydoraz · 06/10/2025 03:04

This thread is unfair. Of course you’re right op. Mumsnet is really weird about gifts ans possessions.

You think a 21 yo who lost her abusive mom tragically in her condo and didn’t really know the family owed the OP something?

Op is unfair.

Nothankyou2025 · 06/10/2025 03:17

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 06/10/2025 03:03

Maybe the fact her mom died tragically in the home and was a shitty parent made the niece not give a shit if they wanted it or not?

Show quote history

Right. And regardless, it had nothing at all to do with the OP whether her niece sold it or not. Absolutely zilch, zero, nada, nothing at all.

I maintain that the niece saw how grabby OP is and exited stage left because she knew there's be trouble brewing.

OP going on about the different values of the houses she and her sister were left in the first post makes it clear she thought she was hard done to, and I am betting that her niece knew she'd be trying to bargain her down from the asking price if she even mentioned selling it. So she just sold her OWN property and escaped.

The whole post is just weird and super entitled.

Dopeydoraz · 06/10/2025 03:04

This thread is unfair. Of course you’re right op. Mumsnet is really weird about gifts ans possessions.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 06/10/2025 03:03

DrPrunesqualer · 06/10/2025 02:12

It wouldn’t have killed her to let you know and give family members first refusal

She would have saved on the estate agents fees too

Maybe the fact her mom died tragically in the home and was a shitty parent made the niece not give a shit if they wanted it or not?

NotThisShitAgain121 · 06/10/2025 02:50

Is was left to her not you. I know it sucks but you do not have a leg to stand on.

DrPrunesqualer · 06/10/2025 02:12

It wouldn’t have killed her to let you know and give family members first refusal

She would have saved on the estate agents fees too

Nothankyou2025 · 06/10/2025 02:05

No she didn't, she sold her own property. You sound weird and entitled.

It's plainly apparent you thought you should have inherited the property or been able to grasp some of the money she got for selling it. Well done to her for seeing you coming years ago and just moving on with her life.

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 05/10/2025 23:16

ElaineBurdock · 05/10/2025 22:52

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I understand, it was the family home where the lovely memories were. She should have given the family first right of refusal, but she figured she might get more money from strangers and went for it.

But it was her property, and her home full of messed up memories of her own family history

She should get the most she could for it to enable her to live her life. Inheritance is to help the inheritor for the future not to help others live in the past

Pipsquiggle · 05/10/2025 23:08

YABU
You were estranged with your niece (who has had a pretty shit hand dealt to her).

Maybe she should have told you but it sounds like you weren't close and the way you talked to her sounds OTT

Charlize43 · 05/10/2025 23:05

I am just curious, but if your son hadn't asked after the flat, would you have even cared about it? You could have made your desire about keeping the flat always in the family and your possible interest in buying it, much, much earlier.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 05/10/2025 23:02

ElaineBurdock · 05/10/2025 22:52

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I understand, it was the family home where the lovely memories were. She should have given the family first right of refusal, but she figured she might get more money from strangers and went for it.

Or because her Mom died there under tragic circumstances she thought no one would want to live there.

ElaineBurdock · 05/10/2025 22:52

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I understand, it was the family home where the lovely memories were. She should have given the family first right of refusal, but she figured she might get more money from strangers and went for it.

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 05/10/2025 22:48

So you wanted her to hang around whilst you tried to sell the property YOU inherited (I hope you methodically asked every member of the family if that was ok) before she could sell on a property which had huge amounts of emotional damage attached to it and before she could move on and away?

Poor girl.

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/10/2025 22:46

Sodi · 05/10/2025 22:16

I just want to say, I was never disagreeing with her right to sell, considering the circumstances around my sisters death I’m not surprised she wanted to sell. We would have been able to buy it for market rate if she had given us time to sell the holiday home (which she never holidayed in as she always spent holidays with her father).
I also did try to keep in touch with her but she would never reply to my messages or calls. She and her mum had a very turbulent relationship, her mum wasn’t always the best parent and ultimately much of my nieces teen years were spent with her being shipped between her parents as my sister would want her living there for sometime then say it was too difficult and send her back to her dad in a different country for 2 years and change her mind. This impacted the relationship the wider family had with my niece as we didn’t get to see her very often.

You're not surprised she wanted to sell due to how her mother died but also expected her to give you time to sell the holiday home first? That's probably the very reason why she didn't tell you.

She wanted it gone, she didn't want to wait.

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 05/10/2025 22:39

Your update makes this so much worse, OP. If her experiences by the age of 21 weren’t bad enough you heaped on the coals with your ‘harsh’ response, whatever that looked like.

Your only job is to reach out to your niece, apologise for your overly emotional reaction, and leave the door open for her to approach you one day if she wants to rebuild the relationship.