AIBU to not give my DC extra money

Because they are asking you for more money, instead of encouraging them to work which would a) give them more money and (b) prepare them for post university, you are coming up with excuses for them like ‘but they might miss Xmas dinner and not be able to easily come on holiday with us’.

One of the lessons they are supposed to learn at university is independence.

I think the point was that this is similar for most students. My uni was a 5 hour drive from home so still pretty difficult to work Christmas Eve and get home for Christmas Day. You just work it out.

If Christmas is vital they get in early and have a university job, loads of campus based jobs around of you're quick.

Because you’re doing your children no favours by not encouraging them to maintain a job and by paying their way.

You are being extremely generous with how much you give them and what you do for them (ordering them a food shop!) and you’re not helping them become independent adults.

and on top of that they’re not even bloody grateful for all that you’re doing and they’re asking for more!!

My 2 kids have the loan, we pay rent, car insurance, phone, and I give them another £20 a week as I never cancelled their 6th form pocket money standing order. But we can afford it and both kids are saving rather than spending the £120 a week. DC1 saves about £60 a week. DC2 is at a more expensive uni, but still saves and works in hols. I'd be less willing to fund so much if they weren't saving.

My parents gave me £100 pw plus rent paid for over 15 years ago and it was only just enough then. Still needed to work a few hours a week to be comfortable.

Why would they have to work? Or have a valid reason to not work? I never required my DC to work while at Uni. Their full time job is to be a student and land that 1st class degree.

Exactly !! All makes no sense !!!
we can afford it but …. Nah !! And the bonkers thing about a job - can’t work Christmas Eve ?? Can’t work for rest of year ! Clearly 🤪

I think it is low. I don’t know how people are saying it is plenty.

I send my younger DD in her 3rd year £700 pcm. She lives in half board catered halls with housekeeping. I pay for her phone separately. This covers: the rest of the food, the course fees above the tuition fee, transportation, prescriptions, dentist/eyes, society&club fees, etc.

She doesn’t drink anything other than water. She doesn’t party or go see shows as she is a bit of a hermit.

My other DD who is in gap year before PhD I send her €700 pcm which only covers her rent. She works and pays the rest of her expenses.

If you can afford to do it why wouldn’t you . Who doesn’t want to make their kids lives easier

I think we are confused as most of us with uni children have them home for the Christmas holidays but they still work term time at uni. It is very normal in uni towns snd cities, they just have to put the effort and in to find these jobs.

How is that an excuse for not working? I’m genuinely confused.

So they can’t work because they are international students ?
you can afford to give them more ?
do a budget sheet with them - if they need it, sort it

Yes. Having a job is inconvenient to social and family life, that’s one of the lessons you learn by having a job. Better to learn it now than when having a job is actually necessary to be able to provide a roof over your head and food in your belly or when you’ve had to battle for a graduate position that you then lose because you don’t understand the expectations and reality of working for someone else.

As someone who hires lots of people for professional roles, I really hate hiring recent graduates with no work experience because having done it repeatedly in the past I have found that those employees tend to have significant problems understanding start times, prioritisation, ability to manage a workload and other core requirements.

Ditto.

Bloody hell! DD is in her third year. Her SL pays her rent and living expenses. She also works her arse off during holidays. Tell them to get jobs!

Do you think this is unique to just your children? I'm confused as to why you think this is a valid reason for them not working.

My daughter is living on much less than £400 a month

That's a lot of support. If they want more they need to fund it themselves.
My ds has £300 from us (his loan pays his rent) and has a part time job in term time and the holidays.
We help him out in other ways when we can but that's what we can comfortably afford and he accepts that.
Unfortunately it sounds as though your dc are a tad entitled.

Sounds like they need you to sit down and review what they are spending with them so you can give advice on saving. Oh and they also need to get jobs - appreciate the home/away situation but they just need to work, thats it. Money doesn't fall out of the sky.

They can get agency work, waiting at silver service events. Then they can accept and reject shifts as they wish, they won’t be under any obligation to work if they want to return home or study.