AIBU to not give my DC extra money

To be able to give my kids more than this, I think it’s fair to assume I pay an insane amount of tax.

However, as we aren’t in a communist country, it’s perfectly acceptable to have money and not have to disperse it to causes as dictated by people in my phone - thankfully!

How far away is uni from home? Mine had retail jobs working Xmas eve and boxing day - we drove to them after work on the 24th picked them up and drove them home (3 hour round trip). We had Christmas lunch and presents then drove them back to uni in the evening. One year they managed to get boxing day off (we took them back as there werent any trains) and one year finished early on the 24th and were on the later shift on the 26th so we just picked them up at different times.

I've spent the last 4 Christmas days travelling to see an elderly parent (no traffic it's fab), cooking them lunch and driving back (8 hour round trip). The 'family' Christmas is on another day when everyone is free - this year we're having Christmas on December 28th and I'll be doing my visit to my parent on the 25th.

Well, it depends on whether you want them to come and spend time with family at Christmas and Easter and so on or whether you want them to work.

my DS was in halls for first year only and then in a shared house, he came to see me for a few days at new year but worked Christmas.

my DD didn’t work going through uni as she’s disabled and the course itself was quite a lot but she spent Christmas with her new girlfriend. (Technically she didn’f as they are Jewish but she spent the holidays with them).

But they aren't living on this - it sounds like it is just for food and any extras. Even with CoL, £100pw is decent for a single person and far from scrimping and saving.

If you can routinely give your kids more than that, maybe you should be paying more tax or donating it to charity instead.

If they work for someone like Wetherspoons they can work between uni and where you live.
It does seem like you are looking for excuses for them not working. If you’re more concerned with holidays and having a good time then give them the money.

Does rent include bills?

Standard shampoo for students comes from Aldi and Lidl at £1. Although OP did say they did a big shop, we do too and it includes toiletries.

Nevertheless my kids wouldnt be paying £4 on shampoo. If they buy clothes it’s from charity shops or they get them at Christmas

When I was at Uni I didn’t buy clothes, it’s quite normal not to live ‘as a normal spending person’ whilst a student.

Perhaps that’s just me and mine 🤷‍♀️

Are you being deliberately obtuse? Who has said they think your kids should spend Christmas all cold and alone in halls?

Here's a clue - NOBODY. They're saying you using Christmas day as a 'reason' for them not being able to work is rubbish.

I'm giving dd £500 but her loan doesn't cover her rent so £100 of it is for rent. I think that's reasonable myself. She's on a course where she can't do paid work but saved for six months last year. My niece dropped out in the 2nd year and i think it was partly about not managing financially.

What I wish my parents had done when I was asking for more money, was to ask me to make out a budget, to demonstrate where the shortfall was impacting me.

No one else is really in a position to know whether they are really struggling of living the high life. How would you feel about asking them to break down their costs and how they match to their allowance.

I actually dont think £100 per week is loads.
It sounds fine, 50 quid a week for food and 50 for nights out/social...

But whos paying for shampoo, cleaning products, laundry (uni laundrette machines will cost a couple of quid a time), stationery, paper for taking notes, the occasional item of clothing or birthday card for a mate, any christmas presents they might buy. Stuff like travel, occasional bus fares into the city for a night out, books they might need. And i dont think its unreasonable that once a week they might buy a coffee on campus with a mate, thats a few quid gone?!
You could manage on £100 for the week for a week or two but to do it all term would actually be quite hard. Even quite standard shampoo brands like herbal essences can be £4 a bottle now.
I certainly dont think £100 a week to cover every expense other than rent and phone is that easy.

I think some of the people commenting haven’t fully understood how student finance works now, and that there is an expected parental contribution. Good information here:
https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/student-loan-parental-contribution-tool/guide/

Agree
and you know your kids OP
Whats right for some isn’t right for everyone
Mine would find that very depressing and as a mother of a kid with depression I wouldn’t want to risk it especially if you already aren’t comfortable with that OP

We’ve got three at Uni

Two in a pricey area and one not so much
£100 a week is very reasonable for our pricey area Uni kids. We also do a big shop at the beginning of each term ( 3 times a year)

I imagine if they are asking now they’ve had a blow out during freshers. I get that. They want to meet new people and make new friends so
An extra bit as a one off isn’t that surprising and I’d rather my kids made new friends.

In the long term though £100 a week is fine.

For those talking of work aswell.
Two of mine have worked. My Masters kid is not working this year and didn’t in his final year of his degree because the degree comes first…Always. So I wouldn’t pressure your final year kid to work OP
One of mine hasn’t worked so far as his degree is too heavy. Too many lab hours etc but he has worked in the summer holidays and saves every penny

Work wise really depends on
the degree
and availability as some Uni areas have just too many students all chasing the same jobs

The key thing is to aim for a top degree as so many kids are going to Uni now and there’s a lot of competition for work placements.

Encourage your kids to work and save in the holidays OP

So she should have said nothing to her employer, then handed in her notice at the right point, e.g. a month before her last intended day in the city. Whatever notice period her contract requires.

If they aren't happy with £400 see how they get on without it....

I worked Christmas Day years ago, as a student for an agency. I wanted the money and my family didn't stop me. Would have been late teens or early twenties.

No big deal 🤷‍♀️

Jobs gives life experience, it's not just about the money. It would do them good. 10 to 15 hrs a week is fine. Any more might impact their studies.

Many grow up not valuing money otherwise...

Where did I say I was talking about your children? I'm talking specifically about the OP's explanation of why her kids can't work.

They want more they can get a job.

@2AtUni Obviously you know that thousands of adults work the Christmas period. My own 17 year old DS will be working Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. I won’t stop him because a. He wants to work and b. He’s saving for a house deposit. That’s life.

£400 is probably a bit tight, if they needed new clothes/haircut/toiletries it might creep up. If theyve no way of earning extra cash then id ask for a breakdown of how they spend their allowance and judge from there

We pay all costs associated with flat son living in plus his phone. Then he gets £250 a month from us and works part time in a bar to earn more.
I do worry that the bar work eats into study time but he really enjoys it and we cannot afford to give him any more.
I think 400 a month is masses.