AIBU to not give my DC extra money

My DS got a job in the nightclub ear his uni. Got to seeall his friendsabd being paid for it rather than spending money

I wasn’t referring to my children, but the OP’s.
Why were you demanding a valid reason not to work?

To be fair, I wasn't much for the clubbing/drinking side! I went out quite a bit in first year (more in an attempt to fit in than anything), but for the rest of it, I was more interested in cinema trips and dominos pizza! I had friends who easily spent £100 in a single night out. I'd rarely break a 20.

I was at uni from 2003-2007 (a year abroad), got £400 a month and easily spent it 😂

I used to get £200 a month when I was at uni in 2003-2006, and honestly? It was more than I could spend.
£400 is very generous.
If they want more, I'd be wanting proof of where their money is currently going. Because if it's all on clubs and alcohol, they can get lost.

It’s up to you. Yes, there is a cost of living crisis and it will have impacted them too.

MN seems to be about how little students can scrape by on.

Mine had their (minimum) student loans for themselves. We paid for their (catered) halls. They lived in an expensive city and went to uni where there were a lot of students from very comfortable and wealthy backgrounds. I didn’t want them to ever feel like the poor relations, and we could afford the money, so why not?

Yes I agree… if I can afford to give mine more money to enable them to have a better diet then I will do so (they’re not university age yet). Diet is hugely important and 2 of mine play sports at a high level so even more so.

Food is what sprung to my mind immediately. My daughter wouldn’t know what to do with food like pot noodles etc - she’s used to steak and chicken with veg etc every day (her choice), she isn’t a fan of pizzas, or anything particularly carby. She’s always favoured protein, even when she was tiny. She wouldn’t be able to live on £50 a week for food (assuming the other £50 is for socialising). Eating bulky, stodgy meals to fill you up cheaply (and before anyone jumps on me, I’ve had to do this! I was a young single mum) is not something she’s ever had to do and she wouldn’t manage it. I couldn’t justify forcing her on some kind of principle when I can afford her not to have to.

And FWIW, I wouldn’t be encouraging a job that took her Christmases away from her either. In fact, I’d be strongly discouraging it.

Everyone sees things differently, but for me and my husband, we see it as we slogged our guts out to give the children everything we have, and we are so happy to have done that. I don’t want them to have to learn to struggle when they actually will never need to in their lives. I’d rather she was out drinking nice cocktails rather than necking Snakebite to get drunk as cheaply as possible (again, been there, done that!). My kids don’t need to, so I don’t intend to force it on them.

I do, however, believe work ethic is really important and at the first sign of there being a lack of that, I’d be considerably less generous!

Wow that’s mad you give them £400 a month, pay their phone and pay their rent and travel and they still want more?!? And won’t work in term time? I’d be horrified if my DC were this entitled and ungrateful.

I’ve made it quite clear that because we live overseas a job that spans the Christmas period means they would not be able to travel home. Given they can’t travel the clear alternative is that they’d be in halls.

Actually @2AtUni what you said - and not in the OP either, but in a later one - was
They’re not entitled to a loan as they haven’t been living UK - this also makes working during the year tricky as they can’t get back and forth home easily.

That statement wasn't at all clear. I assumed that you were now living in the UK but they didn't qualify for a loan because they hadn't lived here long enough to get a loan. I also thought you meant that if they worked while at Uni they wouldn't then be able to come home ( in the uk) as often.

It's a pity that information wasn't included in your OP, as you might have got a less hard time on here. Having said that, it still ought to be possible for them to get PT jobs which wouldn't necessarily mean they would have to work over the Christmas Period - or if they do, they just quit having given notice. Or just ask their employer at the time?

My dad gave me £400 a month 20 years ago when I imagine it went a lot further than it does now. I have managed to build myself a successful, very well paid career despite, as some would say, being ruinously spoiled while at university.

We gave our children £400 per month at Uni and they topped up their money working during holidays when at home ie catering ,bars ,retail etc . One son transferred his job at our local Office (shoe shop) to his uni town during term time and worked Saturdays.

My kids say none of fheir friends have termtime jobs. It is pretty impossible with most STEM Because of the workload and because timetables change week to week and ckasses can start at 8am and finish as late as 8pm

Has the eldest asked for an increase during previous years? I see one has just started, maybe has got a bit carried away during Freshers and is getting a bit of sibling solidarity rather than ‘fessing up? You’ve said both have reasonable savings, so if it is a bit of Freshers overspend that DC maybe needs to dip into their savings and learn from the experience. Or you can just up the £ support. Your call, you know your DCs, none of us do.

😂😂😂😂

But they don’t even have jobs yet let alone a rota that has them working Xmas eve or Xmas day so you’re inventing a problem that doesn’t yet exist and may never exist. They may find jobs in a library or bike shop or museum or swimming pool/leisure centre/gym that doesn’t have full opening hours over Xmas. Or a call centre doing work from home in the evening or as virtual assistants working remotely .

Wouldn’t the starting point be to set the expectation that they look for and try to obtain work to supplement their income?

I do think it depends where your child lives at Uni. My daughter went to Leeds and lived in Headingly. On my first visit I was walking along to her shared house and a man was in his front garden in his underwear practising moves with his very large sword. I didn't want my daughter walking alone at night in this area, taxis had a minimum fare which would have eaten up her earnings, so I paid her rent.

I mean it’s not just the money is it - I still have my thank you cards from kids I taught and I got presented to the Queen in my student jobs, so as long as it fits in with the course (not medicine or something wild, don’t think you mentioned what they are doing) it can be such a nice chance to just do a ‘job’ that won’t be your career, no pressure really especially as they have the family security that you are fortunate to provide, and it can be interesting and they can do something out of curiosity or to try it out. Later in life there will be more bills.

You live overseas, that makes working more tricky, unless they worked a casual retail job maybe or a job within the university? There are plenty of jobs to be had.

My example of DS working over Christmas, was not to suggest that yours should be alone in halls over Christmas, but to make the point that there are many who work the Christmas period in the adult world ( even though their families would probably like to see them).

Anyway, it might be an idea to sit down and put a budget together, to see where things are going wrong financially, before you part with more cash?

Aren’t there other jobs that aren’t so seasonal? I did sports coaching and waitressing when I was at uni. When I registered with the waitress agency it was just a case then of going online and picking shifts whenever I fancied. The sports coaching was term time - I know my kids school has term time sports coaches because I was talking to the young man that does it, and he was telling me about how it fits with his studies. It can also pay quite well.
I mean I agree with you, I would want my kids home for Christmas, but I find it incredible that even in the current climate there aren’t student jobs that don’t require a person to work over Christmas and New Year if they don’t want to.

Tell them to get off their arses and get a fucking job!!! Stop the £400 a month too!! They need to learn how to actually live and they can’t do they while they are being babied

They need more money, you can afford it. Just give it to them. I don't see why you wouldn't.

It's easy to say get a job. Plenty of degrees are really full on - my DS has just worked 8 hours both days this weekend on uni work. He works a casual job so not much money, but any more than casual would be out of the question.