to be glad I didn't sacrifice my career for my kids

Are they? Not the ones I've seen and if anyone tries to say anything, they are quickly met with ''everyone is mean to SAHM's''. Plenty of people always agree with the OP.

Same. Twenty years, partner, done. Like a lifetime ago.

could not be less interested in being called out to a police station in the middle of the night or representing children in family cases where parents have tore them apart.

Any threads like that are quickly shot down. As they should be.

But mumsnet is very anti sahm so these threads are seen as more ‘acceptable’.

Urgh this thread is disgusting. So many pro SAHMs completely omitting to mention that the only way they can do it is because another adult is bank rolling them. Not for me. I am 'mothering' by paying the mortgage, school fees, holidays etc AS WELL AS nurturing, being there etc. And the only way I do that is having worked so hard to get the level of flexibility I currently have. I didn't work my arse off to shake maracas in some church hall. And those who are saying they'll get back into it after the kids are at school - you never had a career in the first place, you had a job. Also, as PP pointed out, the 'ideal' of Dad going out to work and Mum staying home happened for a few short decades (when many women were so bored out of their brains, they turned to valium) - women have historically worked and parent spend more time with their kids now than in history!

Of course they are!

“im so glad I didnt sacrifice my career for my kids” and “im so glad I didn’t sacrifice my kids for my career.” Both very goady and unnecessary.

You responded to and disagreed with OP who says she worked part time and didn't say anything about never being available - that's probably why umpteen posters read it as 'working means you're not putting children first'.

There's been plenty of threads started by SAHM's happy that they gave up their careers. What's the difference?

Totally agree. Wonderful to be a SAHM and beneficial for children BUT very risky. You never know what will happen in the future… divorce, bereavement etc, so it’s always good to keep your hand in in the workplace as there does come a point where it becomes very challenging for a woman to earn well and be successful in a career.

And again! I say nothing about not working. You're the umpteenth person to have a pop at me. It's nothing to do with whether you work or not (I did) just about availability.

I'm in the minority here but I do think that if you decide to have children then one parent needs to be there to put them first

I work so my children have a roof over their head and food on the table - how is that not putting my children first? Do people really think women work so we can spend all the money on hats or something?

I don't think there's a one size fits all. Personally I was incredibly happy to work PT and be there for my DCs when they were growing up. For me, the fact that childhood passes by in a flash is more reason to be grateful I could be around to collect them from school, take them to football training, just kind of know where they were at etc. I didn't want to outsource childcare. Now my sons are at uni I'm putting more hours in to my career. I'm in a creative job – I don't have the career structure of law which I could imagine is a bit all or nothing. I'm happy with the choices I made.

I had a15-year baby break but managed a career of sorts afterwards, returning to journalism and rising to editor of a (v small) provincial newspaper before retiring at 59. I was desperate to return to work - any work at all really - and was lucky enough to be taken on by my old firm. Twenty-two years later, I was desperate to finish! However, I did achieve a professional qualification through a very part-time, and totally different job, that I took in retirement. All-in-all, I'm content with how it all - and my three children - panned out.

I think it depends on your career and earning potential.

If you’re in a career that isn’t ever going to be high earning then leaving a few years to be a SAHP if you choose to won’t really impact much. If you’re high flying ££££££ career that is fast paced you may well be better keeping it.

As with all things there are so many factors and personal feelings about how worthwhile you find parenting against how you feel about earning in a good career.

There’s a big difference between a mundane job and a satisfying career.

i find being a mother very stressful and hard. I’m prefer my job to being a mum (90% of the time!).

i have friends who see it the other way. I’m glad for them. I’m happy these days everyone gets to have a choice.

I’m not entirely sure they’re comparable statements.

Either way there’s no need to judge either choice. We’re all just doing our best.

This was the conclusion I came to!

I did the early years when my career took a backseat now DH’s career has taken back seat while I work.

I have found someone always needs to be more present imo.

Yes because of the op’s post!

People on this thread have …

Not every mother in not every circumstance. I read someone describing being at home with small children as tedious and lonely.
gGeneralisations are far from helpful.

I think we all do what we believe is best for our family at the time. I am if an age where only about 10% or so went to university and a career was often considered to be a profession, like law, medicine or teaching and most other people had jobs! ( Not saying agree, just that's how it tended to be). When I had my children, the rules around maternity leave were very diy, for a start, you had to have been employed for two years by a certain point in your pregnancy and as I had been with my employer only 1 year 10 months, I wasn't entitled to have my job held open. I was happy to be a sham mum for a few years, but I don't think was smug - it was tough financially and I find a weekend job to help out. I went back to work in a different, term-time job once they were older. That was right for us at the time.
Both my DILs work full time. One has dcs, the other doesn't. My DH does the childcare (he's retired, I'm still working) and that works for DS and DIL.
It does sadden me though, that for many couples, it isn't a choice anymore, it's a necessity.

Good for you. But how would you feel if someone wrote the post “so glad I didn’t sacrifice my kids for a career”. 🙄

I was happy to step back and be a mum for the first 5 years of my kids’ lives. I’m now part time in the career I had before so it’s worked out ok for me. I’m not top of my game as I would have been without the break but I have 2 happy settled kids.
its so unfair that women have to make that choice though. A friend of mine in her 60’s went straight back to work weeks after giving birth. She had a nanny and worked long hours. She is a wonderful lady but unfortunately her adult kids now resent her for not being around much in their childhood. I think that hurts her but she had such a great career I’m not sure she wouldn’t do the same again if she could

I don't think anyone's childhood is "fleeting". It's pivotal to what type of adult you grow into. That's not to say working will damage your kids, but fleeting seems to wrong way to describe it. I don't think there is a right or wrong decision when it comes to working / parenting. (It's probably worth noting I never had a career to sacrifice in the first place 😂)

Having the choice to be a sahm and wanting to be one, that's great 👍

It sounds as if you just don't like working, which of course many of us don't either lol 😆

You're fortunate to have this choice and be financially supported and I'm not saying this in a negative way, just that your ideal life has worked out for you. Enjoy 😉 xxx

If you're in an established career then it does make sense to continue in it. Many of us have been fortunate to go pt so have been able to have best of both worlds. I know if I had given mine up and returned years later it would be harder to get the same level of employment and pay due to the gap and updating skills.

I would have found it difficult to stay ft while DC young but then going back FT is much easier.