DP hit the roof over DD autism diagnosis

Wow. All I can say he really isn't educated on Autism as a spectrum. Even if your child has high support needs, you still give them the best education, experiences, love and care, as any child.

It says more about you as a person if all your self worth and confidents is based on your childs achievements in life. In fact his child could surpass him in academic abilities in the future. But with that attitude he wouldn't have a good relationship with her.

I hope for the Family sake he educates himself, and maybe seeks therapy. If no the mum has some hard decisions to make.

I’m not sure I’d be holding Elon Musk as an example of a success story for autism

He's probably just in shock and heartbroken at feeling like he can't hold the same expectations for his child. It may be a grief reaction, which I understand (even if I wouldn't condone what he is saying). If things aren't settling down within a few weeks, then my opinion would drastically alter.

I don't think anyone should insert themselves by telling a friend to divorce their partner. It's a very Mumsnet (i.e. unhelpful) thing to do and likely to lead to friendship breakdown if/when the husband comes round and starts behaving rationally.

Guess who she inherited it from? It’ll be him and he’s embarrassed that people will think he might be ND. Personally I’d be telling him to shape up or fuck off and never darken my door again. What a wanker.

Hahahaha! You know the neuro diversity rate in hospital consultants is like 80% and in the general NHS it's estimated to be 50%?
She should go back to him and say - well now you know genetically where she gets it from.

What an arsehole. Personally I don’t think being a doctor or barrister is the ultimate goal in life but I also know several ND people in medicine. I feel very sorry for the dc in this situation.

Is this your DP and your DC? I'm a bit unclear from the OP as I think there are a couple of typos, then you mention later you have ND DC too.

Whoever it is it's pretty shocking.

The irony that it's genetic.

I have had an interesting life. I've worked as a journalist, an editor and have had three books published. In late middle age I was diagnosed with ASD (after reading a MN thread).

I always knew I was "weird" but I didn't know why. My autism makes me slightly eccentric but it has never held me back. This stupid man must be very ignorant not to understand the breadth of ASD.

What a horrible man.Who would say such cruel things about their daughter!
I hope she hasn't heard it or she could be scarred for life by his words :(
Not a loving father for sure, clearly a proud idiot who needs to be taught a lesson.
I hope your friend runs for the hills and takes her lovely DD with her.

I think it is okay to grieve while you are adjusting to the idea that your child's life will be different from the one you imagined for them.

I think the real question is how to move beyond that grief.

It's probably shock and needs time to let the news sink in. A diagnosis of any sort can really knock you for six. Give him time. It's tough on everyone.

Disgusting

I would leave him.

My ds has autism, struggled a lot in school so I home schooled him, he didn't even do any exams, he's now in second year of uni, paying his own way by working too, and absolutely smashing his course.

Had his dad still been in his life, bringing him down, he may not have achieved even half of what he has.

Total bellend. He needs to do research on how he can help to understand his dc diagnosis.

I feel immense compassion for your friend & her Child & you, as their friend going through this with them 😢
You're all not being unreasonable whatsoever 🙏
I'm shocked as well & it seems this male has a judgemental, prejudice, narrow minded attitude
He's the one with stinking thinking, compounded with negativity
Folks whom're, this set in their mindsets, upsettingly, can take a lot to ever change 🙏
Wishing you & your friend & her daughter all the utmost very best 💚

That kind of attitude will absolutely destroy the DD's self-esteem. Your friend absolutely should divorce him, awful, awful man.

Considering there’s a large genetic component to autism, has he taken a look at himself and his black and white thinking lately?

It's not that unusual for parents to really struggle with an autism diagnosis. In some cultures, autism is seen as a really negative thing unfortunately.His reaction is extreme but it's early days and he needs time to get over the shock.
The National Autistic Society provide support for parents.In particular , the chance to speak to other parents who've been through the same thing
www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/help-and-support

What a horrible arsehole. He's more concerned about what his colleagues think than finding out how to help his daughter and wife because it's obviously been a bit of a shock to her too.
Maybe point out that Elon Musk hasn't been held back in life.

He’s a cunt.

Bloody hell. The rate of neurodiversity in doctors is pretty high, and as such many doctors have children with an autism diagnosis. And most of them manage to be good parents, and not ableist shits. It sounds like he is more worried about his own prestige than his child's wellbeing. I really hope this is an irrational grieving process for the future he hoped his child would have, and that he will rapidly come round to working to support and unconditionally love his daughter. If not, then yes, absolutely divorce. Can't imagine he'd go for custody.

I’m autistic, late diagnosed as an adult following my dc’s diagnosis and I’m very educated and in a professional role. DC also a high performer at school. It doesn’t stop you performing in exams or having a career etc. In both cases here it just makes us a little odd socially at times. Which most doctors are anyway.