DP hit the roof over DD autism diagnosis

How involved was he during the assessment process?

I know a Nigerian man who didn't believe in Autism, got told by a pastor that someone shot a poisoned arrow into the womb. Went through lots of ceremonies etc. Two years later he was taking any classes/support available and is now fantastic with his child.

Unfortunately medicine's history, and frankly its present, is filled with terrible attitudes towards disability, so it's not that surprising.

Only option here for me would be to tell him to get therapy and sort his shit out or fuck off.

Knowing lots of Nigerians, I'd say let him get over the shock. Google Autism in Nigeria, it's really interesting. My closest Nigerian friend's little boy is now eight and obviously ND. She can no longer visit back home because he would be in danger and open to kidnap. Luckily her Mum/Sister can get visas to visit here. There'll be fear and cultural issues at play within his reaction.

You say he's involved with the children and presumably knows them pretty well, then. Perhaps he thinks the diagnosis is wrong and he's angry that she's been labelled. How did the assessment come about?

@TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun
This is so encouraging to hear. How did your DS get into Uni without exams? Well done for supporting him solo, it's hard!

That's unbelievably ignorant. I’m genuinely shocked.

Does he not know now many ND YP go to university and do really well? I know literally dozens, many with first-class degrees.

Is it (trying to be kind) just an initial shock at a different (possibly) path for his DD? Can she see if he calms down over the next day or so?

Definitely YANBU. That poor, poor child. 😢

If he doesn't get over himself and if he treats his DD badly as a result of this, then she will have to divorce him.

I have NO idea how an oncologist can have this attitude. They're supposed to be caring!!!

That poor child. If I was her mum I'd get as far away from her partner as I could to protect her DD from him.

Many medics are autistic!!!

Your friend needs to protect her child from him. Not a lot else to add to that.

Has he stopped to consider how many neurodivergent / autistic people go to Oxbridge and excel in the right environment and support?

That would be a deal breaker for me.

Is he aware that autism often comes from the father?

An oncologist will not have much more of an understanding of the autism spectrum than members of the general public. They may even have many preconceived notions based on (from when they were training) the diagnoses from 10 -20 years ago which were distinguished from Asperger's and often were reserved for ND people who were in much more obvious need of support, rather than those who were what used to be (now considered offensive by some) High Functioning (also known as good at masking).

It's very likely that this is a kneejerk reaction and as a previous poster put it, a form of grief. If he processes that, with or without help, he may well come out the other side a much more understanding and humane person towards ND people and his DC.

I would say let him off for now as it may just be shock, but if he doesn't get his act together very quickly then give him the boot!

I couldn’t agree more.
Apart from maybe he’s an ignorant cunt.
I never say this but she needs to LTB. He will destroy that little girl.

This.

There are loads of autistic doctors. Some diagnosed, some not. It's very clearly not a barrier to achieving all sorts. This kid may not become a doctor, but that's the case with or without an autism diagnosis.

I'm a doctor with an autistic child. I'm not diagnosed myself but it's possible. What I will say is that my training at medical school on autism was less than one half day in six years. I can't even remember if ADHD got covered at all. I've had a couple of training sessions since then, relevant to my specialty, but most of my knowledge has come from my own reading since DS started on the diagnosis pathway. Someone who trained elsewhere and isn't working in a related specialty may have no more knowledge than the general public.

He’s reacted appallingly. Neurodivergence is not an environmental condition. It sounds like status and keeping up with the Jones’s is important to DP. Anyone impressed by that rather than who people are imho not worth bothering about.
Masking is really common. Many people with autism excel. If you meet one person with autism you’ve met one autistic person.
She needs to get away from the situation and put him in touch with one of the Autism charities. His prejudice as to what it means is really worrying for a GP. Just glad she has you and tbf be way more embarrassing his reaction than anything the wee one does or doesn’t do. Mum needs to do best she can and love/be proud of the wee one. With a diagnosis, support can be put in place.

I'd put a fair bit of money on him being autistic and this being him processing news really badly (and rather selfishly)

I would wait and see how he is once he has wrapped his head round the news a bit more. If he is still being a twat about it then I would definitely judge him

Give the guy a break to process his daughter’s diagnosis. Perhaps he cares about her more than the OP, which is why he’s finding it hard to absorb.

Give the guy a break to process his daughter’s diagnosis. Perhaps he cares about her more than the OP, which is why he’s finding it hard to absorb.

I know he's a twat but he is the richest man in the world so not a failure.

That’s awful, both from a family relationship perspective and medical knowledge/ ethics perspective. You can only imagine how he interacts with oncology patients who are ND. Nothing like a bit of rampant ableist discrimination on top of a potentially life limiting condition.

His poor daughter. And your poor friend. This isn’t something you can explain away by him being Nigerian. He’s clearly from a wealthy, educated background as well - so should have the means and drive to you know, try to understand better.