DP hit the roof over DD autism diagnosis

It is genuinely depressing how many doctors hold quite insane views on neurodiversity, including the ones who have diagnostic responsibilities.

What a vile horrible man! That would be a deal breaker for me.

FWIW my husband is autistic, was none verbal until mid KS2 age and now works in finance earning incredibly well. He’s amounted to more than most people I know.

“Is it a cultural thing?” was going to be my first question. Obviously it’s a terrible attitude, but more prevalent in some cultures than others.

I see from further posts he’s Nigerian and I have no clue about that. But my kids dad took it really bad when I was getting our kids assessed. He was a complete asshole! He has came around. Can still be an asshole at times but he’s glad the kids are diagnosed and getting support.

He’ll use a split to dump his DD.

A lot of people do think ND=factory second - they’re usually undiagnosed ND themselves.

I’ve been really shocked by idiot reactions from the allegedly educated and intelligent.

For fathers, it cuts much deeper - prob a self-image thing. If the DC is exhausting and difficult, that doesn’t help.

Suggest give DF time to get real - but not that much time. If he can’t behave himself after 6 months, he seeks therapy.

I’d give him time to get over the shock,
Loads of doctors and lawyers are autistic.
As well as PhDs in many subjects too.

As he is an oncologist, I wouldn’t expect him to know about ND.
He may even be autistic himself and the shock could be what! But my DD is my mini-me…she can’t be autistic because that means I might be too.

He is emotionally dysregulated and appears to be having a meltdown…

He's grieving, give him time.

Largely depends on the family situation. How it's viewed varies. If it's a well off enough family the child may remain at home with home care, and may even attend a specialist school. If they are from a poor family, they may just remain at home with no formal education. Worst case scenario is the child is abandoned, ending up as a street child or a ward of the state. It's very sad. But luckily, most people just keep the child home and as a member of the family, taken care of by extended family for periods of time. They aren't expected to contribute anything to the family.

We have a relative who's unable to function by himself but he has a PhD in astrophysics.

We also have 2 children who've been diagnosed and they're both highly intelligent.

For anyone who can answer, just wondering out of interest, how is Down Syndrome and things like Cerebral Palsy viewed in Nigeria/West Africa?

Agree .The Father is probably autistic as well,hence his reaction !

I’ve realised that there is a certain type of ‘successful’ man who spends enormous amounts of time boasting about how his children are all going to x private school and y oxbridge college and woe betide if the children don’t match up.

Fucking cheek, I’m autistic, and like many autistic people have a PhD. But hey this guy sounds like my mother and I’ve not spoken to her in 20 odd years.

I'm not British, and know alot of West Africans. I'm not suprised by this reaction after learning he is Nigerian. Unfortunately, West Africans still hold very antiquated views on topics such as mental health, ND etc. Going forward he may either come to terms with it, or remain ignorant, most likely the latter. And if she divorces him, he will definitely disown the child. Horrible situation.

I wouldn’t want him treating me tbh.

There is very low awareness of autism in Nigerian culture. As a doctor, he should have had the mandatory Oliver McGowan training though.
https://www.hee.nhs.uk/our-work/learning-disability/current-projects/oliver-mcgowan-mandatory-training-learning-disability-autism

I'm hazarding a guess that he might not be neurotyoical himself.
My DD, DH and DS1 are all neurodiverse. Between them they have 3 degrees 2 masters and a PhD.

I won't repeat what everyone else has said about successful ND people but add that as you probably already know yourself that not everyone needs to have professional successful jobs to have a good life. Everyone deserves an opportunity to thrive within their abilities which is what he should focus on giving her.

Our DD is autistic she isn't great academically although she'd be even worse if we hadn't sent her to private school. What she is is very happy ( because she's in a school that supports her and meets her needs) she has a large circle of friends and some really close ones who accept her for who she is autism and all.

My point for telling you that is I know DD is well liked, loved and makes a difference to others lives. I think that is more important than being seen as having a professional job.

But even if she didn't have that her life is still worthy not everyone can be a top academic/ professional but that's okay.

I would recommend your friend let's the dust settle and see if his behaviour continues I'm not sure I could stay with him. It could be damaging to her daughter if she stays with him.

The diagnosis doesn't change her, shes still the same child.

She can go on and do whatever she wants (my ds with autism recently graduated with a degree) however he will still be a cunt for reacting like that.

I echo this 100%. A reaction to a disgnosis is understandable. I would say this is very extreme though and I hope this little girl hasn’t heard any of it because it would scar her for life. If he hasn’t turned around his mind in 6 months, personally I would leave him. Could never be with a person who doesn’t accept our child.

I agree that he has no business practicing as a doctor.

The lack of compassion and understanding for his own daughter is...deeply concerning. I bet he won't be able to 'hide' how he truly feels from her either. What a tool. LTB.

I was about to ask if he’s from Africa when I first read the original post. He’s allowed to be sad with the shock etc but saying she’s an embarrassment for something she has no control of is very ignorant. What a 1690’s reaction.

You're naive, @user1492757084 Read all of OP's posts on this thread. He is a narcissist who thinks if you're not a doctor or barrister you are nothing. He won't come around. It's who he is.

Tell him that she is exactly the same child as she was last week, and he needs to educate himself on up to date research on the subject. Its not a terrible diagnosis anymore. I think that actually cultural norms around things like disabilty can take a lot of undoing . Men are commonly dicks around the diagnosis process tbh. This has probably been a culmination of a long period of stress. Id give it a bit longer to process tbh. I think if you google attitudes to disability in a lot of countries, there are vast differences. I think it requires sensitivity. I think IRL, you never tell a friend they should get a divorce.

@Shitshowcentral I have no idea why your friend married this disgusting sack of shit.