To have ended it over this?

Depends on whether he's using FB to connect with anyone else surely?

I tell everyone in my life I don't use Instagram. I have an Instagram account but only because I need to monitor a few feeds related to my work and having an account makes it easier. I don't follow anyone and my actual page is blank. I think some friends follow me, they must have been notified when I signed up.

I think a lot of people have these "shell" accounts on social media that they can use to follow a few non-personal accounts without getting sucked into having to engage with the platform. If that's the case it's totally natural that firstly, he said he didn't use it and secondly, he doesn't want to connect with you or anyone else on it.

If he's actually connected to other people in his personal life on it then that's a different matter.

I am only on fb for my local page and a page relating to a medical condition I have. I have a false name and no friends added - not even my partner who I see every day. I really can’t see why it’s so important that he adds you as a friend?
is it that you think he is being deceitful and using it to contact other women?

Did he deny it was facebook? Or did he admit it was but says he doesn't use it. Only reason I ask is because LinkedIn looks just like facebook at a glance

I dont think its shifty at all.
If your partner hasn't really used social media for a few years it likely he's outgrown making personal updates. I did, and I really wouldn't want random people from 3 years ago knowing my relationship status.
I get how sm is a lovely way to keep family and friends updated but if he hasn't been using it in this way for a number of years it's quite possible he has contacts from back in the day he can't even remember.

He either wants to hide your relationship from someone or is hiding something from you. Yes it's only Facebook but it's very telling he's refused. I think you did the right thing.

But you have an explanation which is completely understandable.

People getting their knickers in a twist about social media and using that to have a go at you like it's in any way unusual to call someone out who lied!

It's not the fact it's Facebook, it's the fact he lied, consistently and for a long time, and when caught out tried to come up with a story that OP might swallow.

He's hiding something, who knows what.

I think it’s very odd that he won’t add you. That says he’s hiding something - or hiding you because he is hedging his bets in case someone appears to whom he wants to commit publicly.

What legitimate reason would he have for not adding her?

What if he didn’t want her to see what was already there?

I'd find that so strange and suspicious that I think I'd have ended it, too. There's no reason for him to be okay friending other people but not his partner of three years. In the grand scheme of things, it might not matter, but it's not the kind of relationship I'd want. It was so easy for him to acquiesce that his stubborn refusal feels like a red flag. I'd suspect he was doing something he didn't want me to see, was somehow ashamed of me or hiding our relationship, or was just kind of a jerk.

He’s obviously following a bunch of women half his age. Shifty AF! It’s not that he doesn’t go on it, it’s that he doesn’t want you privy to what he goes on it to look at…

I mean if he didn’t want to connect with you on there then fine, but would need to explain why it’s a big deal and why lie that he hasn’t got them. That’s just odd and super childish.

Funnily enough me and dp used to argue over FB a bit because he had a tendency of taking me off if we fell out 😂. Now he’s come off completely and I’m happily on there on my own and don’t have or post anything about a relationship etc on there.

Don't sweat it but call him out for fibbing … there’s no need.

That’s what I do too, and will connect with people when it matters to them. It seems to matter a lot to some people and I find it a bit strange. Connect with me if you must but there is nothing to see so what’s the point?

This is nuts

I'm not really on SM, but I do have a FB account under a random name for local groups so I can see what's going on occasionally.

I absolutely wouldn't want my dp connecting with me on there, there would be no point, it would then highlight that account because he and I would be friends on there which I dont want, and I would find it weird if he made a big deal of it tbh.

Unless you have suspicions about his behaviour, I think you're being a bit daft.

Listen to your intuition Op. Something isn’t right with this one.

So when I did OLD if a man asked me for my instagram I’d decline because as I said to them “IG is for family and friends not men I haven’t and might not ever get to meet”.

But I never lied about it! And had we been in a 3 year relationship I’d have added them no bother.

My DP doesn’t follow anyone on insta, but when he got with me he followed me back. Why on earth wouldn’t he? 😩😩😩

If that’s actually the case and he’s just using them to browse, with no friends, then why not tell her that 3 years ago? What would be the harm in accepting her follow request or following her back? Why would he not want to see her updates?

If he’s not posting himself, there’s nothing for her to see so what’s the harm? Sounds more like he’s being secretive.

Cheeky and suspicious. You’re right and good for you!

YANBU

Not only did he lie about it consistently over an extended period of time but even after he was caught out he was still determined to not have you on it which is suspect.

I imagine there are other things that have happened to make you question him and you’re now joining the dots.

Anyone who thinks this is ok has very low standards.

Yep, weird. At the end of the day, social media is a huge part of normal everyday life day life now, whether the luddites like it or not. It’s incredibly odd to hide a social media profile from your partner and refuse to be “friends” or “followers” on there. Particularly if it’s not some kind of mutual decision.

I have an instagram account but don’t particularly want to connect with people on it. It’s there for me to look at random crap, not to provide connection. So I completely understand how your DP feels. He just chooses to use social media differently to you. It’s not a personal snub unless he has loads of other people on his account except you.

If it is just him using an almost redundant account to look at anything he might be interested in, then honestly, I think this is a weird thing to get so controlling and upset about.

He’s had a lucky escape.

Seriously I can’t believe the majority of people on here think you’re not unreasonable for ending a relationship over facebook. The world has gone mad.

Incidentally, if he wanted to hide anything from you on there it would be easy enough even if you were friends on facebook. He would just exclude you from seeing the posts he didn’t want you to see. I do it regularly, with certain members of my family, and yes, my DP. And the reasons are varied.

He was either ashamed of you or planning g / leading another life

you did the right thing

Have you met lots of his friends and his family in real life?

Why not just connect with you even if he doesn’t use it?
Trust your gut feeling. It’s strange.