To feel like I just never quite fit in?

To add to a bit of a chorus here: I very much relate to what you say.
I've felt this way since school really.
Sometimes it feels pretty lonely.
The thing is though that I tend not to really want to fit in because I don't actually have much in common with most people or find them that interesting when I scratch below the surface. That makes me sound like an arrogant arsehole and perhaps I am but the older I get, the less interested I am in faking in order to fit in.
I've two things helpful - no idea if either would be any good as a strategy for you, but will share just in case. First, I tend to focus more on hobbies and spending time with people through those than trying to just get to know people socially in general. That way at least we can talk about the shared interest and we are actually doing stuff together. The other is that I've put less effort into trying to ease conversations along. I used to do fake laughing and smiling and to say what I thought people wanted to hear in the hopes of fitting in but I just couldn't sustain it and probably came across as fake anyway. Now if I find someone's conversation tedious or don't agree with them, I'm not necessarily a dick about it but I just don't bother to feed the conversation. It's about stopping worrying about rejection from people who I don't actually want to connect with.
And yes, I know my views are probably too negative and I know that people can surprise you, and that most people have cool stuff about them when you get beneath the surgacd. It's not that I don't like people. I just don't want to have to pretend anymore.

My dad could fall out with anyone, or with his own shadow, in an empty room, over nothing at all. My point is only that I try to dodge arguments. I do engage, but only when the discussion is quite an important discussion.

I could have written this. I always got on better with adults as a child, I thought my peers were all so vapid/petty (girls) aggressive and childish (boys) and I wasn't interested in any of it. I didn't want to standout though so I knew I needed friends to not be the 'weirdo' though so I tried and failed to be normal.

It's easier as I have aged, it's normal to not have a close knit group of friends so noone noticed that side although DH guest list was much longer at our wedding.

My success with making friends as an adult have always been through work or hobbies. It's easy to talk shop with people in my industry (design) so small talk is minimised.

I recommend starting a really niche hobby. I write fantasy and found my people in a specifically fantasy/scifi writing group. They are a quantum scientist, a polyglot multi-instramentalist, a doctor, writing a 20 book series and me, a floaty designer. They are all wonderfully weird, and once the self consciousness faded we get on like a house on fire.

I've been to more literary type groups who write about very serious subjects and they just looked at me blankly when I wrote a piece about the ompa loompas fight for freedom from the tyrannical insanity of Wonka. My new group would have appreciated my art!!

Find your people!

Sorry. I dont understand what you mean by thought process is absent or deficient.
Do you mean any one with n.d?

I have adhd and autism and would often feel like this. Since I’ve been diagnosed, I’m much kinder to myself. I recognise when friendships feel forced and don’t leave me feeling good after interacting. I look for those who are also likely on the spectrum too - those friendships are much more natural. I check in with my old mates every now and again on text and vice versa and I try not to worry too much about not fitting in with the school mums.
If you want to get school mum friendships going though, inviting their children over for a playdate is a good place to start.

I am easily bored and quite intolerant of lazy thinking. Occasionally (I've learned not to do it often) I suggest that the thought process is deficient or absent.

I've sometimes felt that that. I don't have children, or a partner, and I seem to like different music, and clothes, and have different ideas, to my friends. However I just concentrate on the things we do have in common.

When I was a teen and used to go to the clubrooms after rugby I always sat with the guys as I wasn't really interested in the "girl talk" 😀

Or that depending on your age diagnosis wasn't made. My dad - dyslexic but classed as thick my son dyslexic but has a degree. Grandson - non verbal autism- me - slow at speaking and 'odd'

I also don't feel I fit, but I am certainly not autistic. I am just unconventional.

I've felt like this my whole life, you're definitely not alone.
Thats just how some people are, it doesn't always have to mean they are autistic etc. I'm not.

What do you mean ?

I’m like that . Any chance you are neurodivergent?

Am I the only person who thinks that self-diagnosed neurodivergence is yet another luxury belief?

I felt this way, turned out I was autistic. Not saying you are but that was my experience.

i am friendly and get on well with everyone, but struggle to make friends. I never really feel like I fit in. I have fairly narrow interests but not to any extreme. I have a lot of autism in my family and every single person is different. Only a few are overly autistic, most fly under the radar.

Either way, understanding you aren’t the only one is important. Even if there’s no neurodivergence, there are lots of us that don’t fit in. You just have to find your tribe. I haven’t found that yet but onwards!

I always felt like this. I realised as an adult I’m autistic, when we found out my son is autistic and he’s exactly like me!

You are probably more ‘normal’ than you think. They are plenty of people out there just like you, feeling like they are missing something and trying to fit in with the crowd.
But the thing is, you don’t need to and you will likely find friends who are just as likely to minded as you. A lot of women pretend to fit in especially when their kids are little so that they and their children have friends. Eventually it falls away and people find ‘their’ people.
I don’t do groups and actively shy away from them. I am in my early 50s now and I am finally OK about being me. I have friends but they are generally all friends I see on a one to one basis because that is what I enjoy. I was part of a group for many years and found the group get togethers a real chore. I dreaded them to be honest and always wondered why. I now see two of these friends regularly but separately. I think to be honest we are all a bit different in our ways which is why we attracted each other in the first place.
My only advice to you is to have confidence in yourself and what you enjoy doing with your children. You will make friends, but stick to the one rather than the crowd, maybe the other person there who looks a bit on their own. That’s how I have found most of my closest friends over the past 25 years!!!

Yes I've felt this way. It did feel worst when the DC were in primary school, like you I would see all these friendships forming amongst the mums and I just didn't feel comfortable with them. Now I'm older and they are in high school I don't really care so much. I spend most of my time with family, I have a couple of friends I keep in touch with and I get social interaction at work. That's enough for me now so not 'fitting in' doesn't matter to me so much. I am much better with 1:1 socialising, I don't really like being in a group.

So a bit of reading about autism and masking in women. It's quite different to how it's presents in men

Just get on with life @PurpleGoldfish . You are not wrong, and neither are the other people. Perhaps you aren't on the same wavelength? It's not rare.

I make pleasant conversation every single day with everyone I encounter while walking the dog. It isn't tiring for me; it is part and parcel of being a concerned dog owner. We shoot the breeze; it's very rarely more than chat.

My DS is autistic and I think I am as well. But since I have been masking so much and forced myself to be social until exhaustion during my kids primary years I did have mum friends. But now I just don't have it in me anymore. I have few friends which is how I like it. I can talk to everyone though- and I enjoy talking to authentic people who don't play a role (as I used to do). For superficial chit chat I have got no patience.

You do sound lovely OP and no you're not alone!

I can't think of any aspect of my life where I don't feel a bit misplaced iykwim apart from one, at home motherhood. From being a child at school, to every job I have had, to going out with friends, to the school run, to parents evenings, to some but not all mother and toddler groups. I feel that way around my siblings too, and even in my lifelong hobby where I'm one of the most established members!

I care much less now I'm heading for menopause but my happiest days, most comfortable days were being at home with my younger children. Now they're hitting adulthood and with older friends and partners, the old feeling like an intruder in my own home is creeping back in when they have friends round.

I strongly suspect I have ADHD or AuDHD.

I've never felt that I fit neatly, but actually I don't care either. If you know me, you may or not like me, and I am fine if you hate my guts.

I think when you try less to fit in, you find the real connections