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Original poster

Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

508 replies

KatyKopykat · 04/10/2025 20:36

I do a cleaning job once a week for a neighbour who's been in hospital, she's coming up 67. She's been telling me that the nurses and hospitality staff all call patients darling incessantly. They all do it and she thought it's part of their training. I'd hope not! Another thing they keep saying is bless/aw bless.

AIBU to say this is not professional? I'm not in my sixties but I'd stop it immediately if anyone said it to me.

OP posts:
Calliopespa · 06/10/2025 19:48

TheignT · 06/10/2025 19:41

Some just are kindly and you don't need them to call you darling to know it. I wonder what the ones who need this demonstration of how lovely they are really feel. Probably the ones who go in the office and moan about you.

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No, you're right it isn't necessary, but I genuinely struggle to believe they mean ill by it.

Uricon2 · 06/10/2025 19:46

I was in hospital recently with sepsis and transferred to another ward, I'd been headed for ICU but it was apparently full and I was conscious. I was crying (I felt terrible) and an absolutely lovely nurse crouched down, put her arm around me and said "It's alright darling, you're with us now and we've got lovely doctors and we'll take care of you".

No problem at all with that and I'll always remember her kindness.

The problems start when people think anyone in the older age group appear to have lost their first names, let alone a surname.

TheignT · 06/10/2025 19:41

Calliopespa · 06/10/2025 19:33

I feel sorry for the nurses, wiping bums, emptying bed pans and still trying their best to seem kindly.

Some just are kindly and you don't need them to call you darling to know it. I wonder what the ones who need this demonstration of how lovely they are really feel. Probably the ones who go in the office and moan about you.

Amba1998 · 06/10/2025 19:39

User5306921 · 04/10/2025 20:46

They do it on the children's ward too 'Mum do this' and 'Mum sit there'.

Its annoying but I guess we do it too when we say 'Nurse can you tell me'....

At least doctors never say it.

Because you can’t expect a nurse to learn all the parents names as well as all the kids especially as most peads wards are like revolving doors!

Calliopespa · 06/10/2025 19:39

TheignT · 06/10/2025 19:38

I am actually and it means something when he says it.

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Well I'm glad to hear it.

TheignT · 06/10/2025 19:38

Calliopespa · 06/10/2025 19:32

Ok @TheignT , we get your point: you ain't nobody's Darling.

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I am actually and it means something when he says it.

Calliopespa · 06/10/2025 19:33

I feel sorry for the nurses, wiping bums, emptying bed pans and still trying their best to seem kindly.

Calliopespa · 06/10/2025 19:32

TheignT · 06/10/2025 19:31

So what if they don't know the name. What's wrong with good morning that means it has to be good morning darling? You sre not their darling, you know it and they know it, it's just meaningless.

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Ok @TheignT , we get your point: you ain't nobody's Darling.

TheignT · 06/10/2025 19:31

Ladygardenerinderby · 05/10/2025 21:35

Omg !!! If that’s all you haven’t worry about I’ll trade you right now . Did you consider it’s done as theses nurses may be caring for 30 odd patients and can’t possibly remember all the names ? I’m from the north and to be called ducky love or darling is a term of endearment nothing more , we also say bless a lot it’s also a caring endearment not patronising or anything . Chill out

So what if they don't know the name. What's wrong with good morning that means it has to be good morning darling? You sre not their darling, you know it and they know it, it's just meaningless.

Calliopespa · 06/10/2025 19:31

KatyKopykat · 06/10/2025 19:25

It's not. Names are by the side wall with preferences, ie Pamela Jones known as Pam. They use darling and sweety alongside the name rather than instead of.

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Oh well then, it can only be some foul-natured desire to make the patient feel like utter crap when at their lowest, dressed up in a performative sugary front.🙄

Honestly, how desperate to be unkind do you you think people are?

They are just trying to show warmth.

Original poster
KatyKopykat · 06/10/2025 19:25

Julia001 · 06/10/2025 18:22

Pretty sure it’s because they can’t remember your name because they have so many patients to deal with

It's not. Names are by the side wall with preferences, ie Pamela Jones known as Pam. They use darling and sweety alongside the name rather than instead of.

OP posts:
Julia001 · 06/10/2025 18:22

Pretty sure it’s because they can’t remember your name because they have so many patients to deal with

Uricon2 · 06/10/2025 15:42

I'm now over 60 and have become more aware of the subtleties of this. Northern/Midlands "love" or London "darlin'" (etc) fine, it is a natural part of speech used for everyone. Using such things reassuringly to someone in distress, also fine.

People however know when they're being patronised and I don't think it's OK to call those decades older than you by these "endearments" when you wouldn't automatically do it to someone of your own age, especially accompanied by the wretched "Aw bless".

At work (local government) I would never refer to a client who was significantly older by anything other than Mr/Mrs/Miss Surname, unless specifically invited to use their first names. It is respectful and professional and noone ever complained. Some of the "aw bless" brigade however did get complaints.

I suppose the generations who expected or grew up with more formality are dying out. My (Victorian born) grandmother referred to her husband as "Mr X" to anyone outside the family/close friends. That would be most unusual now, so in 50 years probably everyone without exception with be "Aw blessing" absolutely everyone else, to their hearts content.

GlastoNinja · 06/10/2025 14:46

Paganpentacle · 06/10/2025 14:20

Not in Yorkshire its not....

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Of course it is

AmusedOpalShaker · 06/10/2025 14:43

I really wouldn’t be bothered by this.

Am I being looked after? Helped, when I am unable to do so myself?

Okie doke.

SilkAndSparklesForParties · 06/10/2025 14:36

@paganpentacle, I'm married to a Yorkshire man. He doesn't go in for it and neither did his parents.

Paganpentacle · 06/10/2025 14:20

KatyKopykat · 06/10/2025 13:50

It's possible to not be cold or impersonal, insult anyone or treat them as you suggest whilst also not calling them pet names you know!

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Not in Yorkshire its not....

Letskeepcalm · 06/10/2025 14:11

Kingsleadhat · 06/10/2025 09:06

100 per cent

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Yep

Letskeepcalm · 06/10/2025 14:09

lauly · 06/10/2025 12:55

I totally agree with you. My dad is 90 years old and sharp as a whistle. He only stopped working as a doctor when he was 75. Recently we went to see the dermatologist and somebody called him dear or something like that and it sounded so wrong and so odd and I could feel his humiliation. As someone is already said, we are trying to not to use these patronising terms. If you really can’t remember anyone’s name call the madam

I agree. But we really don't need to use a name all the time. Just the general tone you talk to someone can convey care and respect

Letskeepcalm · 06/10/2025 14:06

KatyKopykat · 05/10/2025 23:05

It drives my neighbour nuts. She said it was incessant as she was in for five weeks.

BTW I don't understand the people saying is that all you have to worry about. First off nobody is worried. Secondly why should we only discuss really critical, dangerous or serious stuff and nothing else?

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Exactly. It's just a discussion.

Meandmyguy · 06/10/2025 14:03

I love being called these names as no one ever says them to me.

MrsSkylerWhite · 06/10/2025 13:57

lauly · 06/10/2025 12:55

I totally agree with you. My dad is 90 years old and sharp as a whistle. He only stopped working as a doctor when he was 75. Recently we went to see the dermatologist and somebody called him dear or something like that and it sounded so wrong and so odd and I could feel his humiliation. As someone is already said, we are trying to not to use these patronising terms. If you really can’t remember anyone’s name call the madam

I hate madam 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
KatyKopykat · 06/10/2025 13:50

Paganpentacle · 06/10/2025 10:26

No love you're not lol.
PS- my patients call me love/sweetheart ... sometimes theyre younger than me too.
Am I offended?
Am I chuff. Much better than cold/impersonal or being actually insulted or spoken to like shit.

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It's possible to not be cold or impersonal, insult anyone or treat them as you suggest whilst also not calling them pet names you know!

OP posts:
lauly · 06/10/2025 12:55

I totally agree with you. My dad is 90 years old and sharp as a whistle. He only stopped working as a doctor when he was 75. Recently we went to see the dermatologist and somebody called him dear or something like that and it sounded so wrong and so odd and I could feel his humiliation. As someone is already said, we are trying to not to use these patronising terms. If you really can’t remember anyone’s name call the madam

Paganpentacle · 06/10/2025 10:26

TealScroller · 06/10/2025 10:02

I'm a professional carer and I often say 'love' or 'lovey', though I am from the north! I probably don't do it with everyone but it just slips out! Am I a terrible unprofessional patroniser? I hope not love!

No love you're not lol.
PS- my patients call me love/sweetheart ... sometimes theyre younger than me too.
Am I offended?
Am I chuff. Much better than cold/impersonal or being actually insulted or spoken to like shit.