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AIBU?

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Original poster

Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

508 replies

KatyKopykat · 04/10/2025 20:36

I do a cleaning job once a week for a neighbour who's been in hospital, she's coming up 67. She's been telling me that the nurses and hospitality staff all call patients darling incessantly. They all do it and she thought it's part of their training. I'd hope not! Another thing they keep saying is bless/aw bless.

AIBU to say this is not professional? I'm not in my sixties but I'd stop it immediately if anyone said it to me.

OP posts:
DogsandFlowers · 19/01/2026 18:14

KatyKopykat · 19/01/2026 12:33

I'm at my neighbour's house now and she's telling me about her appointment at the eye clinic last week. The woman testing her eyes said my darling more than once in every single sentence, she said it was relentless and annoying in the extreme.

You can’t still be wanging on about this 🤣
I’m just gonna get ready for work now and obviously after reading this am going to be very careful not to refer to anyone as darling etc
Jokes will just carry on as usual 🤭

LadeOde · 19/01/2026 17:25

Westfacing · 04/10/2025 20:44

I’m 71 and a recently retired nurse.

Darling is a genuine term of endearment.

Hmm.... Context matters. When Craig Revel Horwood ends his sentence with 'darling', he's not being affectionate, he's being condescending.

Original poster
KatyKopykat · 19/01/2026 16:19

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 19/01/2026 15:09

I don’t mind darling or love or Mum if I can my DCs. I also also ‘bless you’ if one of in a bad situation eg stuck in a muddy field. Names can be hard to remember / not know whether title or forename…

The example I gave from last week was a one to one eye screening appointment. Of course she knew the patient's name!

OP posts:
Kingscallops · 19/01/2026 15:59

SilkAndSparklesForParties · 19/01/2026 15:41

OK, so why address the doctor with a title in front of the patient, if that isn't how you address them when the patient isn't there? That strikes me as really passive aggressive.

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FFS. 😆

Boomer55 · 19/01/2026 15:56

KatyKopykat · 04/10/2025 20:43

Yes so are we. I asked her this and she said they said "Hello Pam darling" so they do know their name.

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Is this in London area? I call everyone darling and they do me.

Best find something else to get worked up about. 🙄

Disturbia81 · 19/01/2026 15:55

I love pet names, it makes me feel warm and cared for. It’s just that lovely little interaction that makes it a more pleasant place, when patients are going through horrible things. I can’t stand clinical and polite

SilkAndSparklesForParties · 19/01/2026 15:41

IfHeWantedToHeWould · 19/01/2026 14:50

also don't expect hcps to assume they may use my first name when they address doctors with the respect and courtesy of their titles

To each other we don’t address doctors with their titles, it’s all first names because we’re a team. That may be different in adult land, I don’t know.

OK, so why address the doctor with a title in front of the patient, if that isn't how you address them when the patient isn't there? That strikes me as really passive aggressive.

RitaIncognita · 19/01/2026 15:29

SilkAndSparklesForParties · 04/10/2025 20:47

I'm 65 and from the south. I absolutely detest it and find it patronising. It's professional to speak to people respectfully and to use their name. Would any of these nurses say "hello darlin" to the on call doctor when they appear?

I agree. I'm in my 70s, and I would hate this. I was recently in hospital for several weeks (in the US), and no one called me anything but my name. And they used Ms Myname until I asked them to use my first name.

ThatCraftySquid · 19/01/2026 15:27

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ThatCraftySquid · 19/01/2026 15:25

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SilkAndSparklesForParties · 19/01/2026 15:23

Lifelover16 · 19/01/2026 15:00

A nurse has recently been suspended by calling a trans woman convicted paedophile “Mr” even though medical notes stated sex was male. (The nurse is called Jennifer Melle if you want to look it up). Perhaps better to call everyone “darling” and not risk disciplinary action for misgendering.

Yes, I've read about that case and have been a patient at that hospital. In their outpatient clinics all the men are called as Mr Bloggs, etc, and all the women as Brenda Bloggs. I have an issue with men being offered more courtesy than women. The simple answer is to stop calling men Mr.

I've also had a consultant there use my first name whilst introducing himself as Mr. Fine to use my first name, if he introduces himself with his.

Patients are as important as doctors and women are as important as men. It's an absolute point of principle.

The issue in the Melle case is that the nurse in question refused to address the patient as they wanted to be addressed. I can see both sides but feel the hospital's management totally over-reacted.

CherrieTomaties · 19/01/2026 15:18

SilkAndSparklesForParties · 19/01/2026 14:13

It's precisely because they may be dealing with parts of our bodies that shpuldn't ordinarily be shared, that they should have sufficient respect for the patient to use their name rather than crossing a boundary onto over familiarity. I have a name and I expect hcps to use it. I also don't expect hcps to assume they may use my first name when they address doctors with the respect and courtesy of their titles. It's a respect, dignity and equality issue within a professional relationship. HCP's are not chums.

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OK Mrs Bucket 🍪

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 19/01/2026 15:10

I’m also from the North if that impacts…

XWKD · 19/01/2026 15:10

I want to be addressed as Your Majesty. First names are for the help.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 19/01/2026 15:09

I don’t mind darling or love or Mum if I can my DCs. I also also ‘bless you’ if one of in a bad situation eg stuck in a muddy field. Names can be hard to remember / not know whether title or forename…

Lifelover16 · 19/01/2026 15:00

A nurse has recently been suspended by calling a trans woman convicted paedophile “Mr” even though medical notes stated sex was male. (The nurse is called Jennifer Melle if you want to look it up). Perhaps better to call everyone “darling” and not risk disciplinary action for misgendering.

SilkAndSparklesForParties · 19/01/2026 14:50

Kingscallops · 19/01/2026 14:35

I'm more concerned about the level of care and kindness they are giving me. They can call me what they want as long as they are making me feel better. You seem to be hung up on titles in general.

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I don't think so. It doesn't make me feel someone is being kind or caring is they can't be bothered to use my name. It makes me feel that they can't be bovvered and that I'm just another lump of meat that they won't dignify with a name because patients aren't worth that level of bother. I don't think I've ever been so rude as to ignore the fact that a person has a name.

HCPs are professionals and want to be thought of as such.

IfHeWantedToHeWould · 19/01/2026 14:50

also don't expect hcps to assume they may use my first name when they address doctors with the respect and courtesy of their titles

To each other we don’t address doctors with their titles, it’s all first names because we’re a team. That may be different in adult land, I don’t know.

jamimmi · 19/01/2026 14:49

I can safly say as nhs staff, the consultants get first names unless in front of patients! In some of our longer term patients we and the patients call them by their first.name. I have also been called darling, love and ,hen by patients. We use our judgment on what to call you. If u want Mrs Smith while in pain and projectile vomiting or unable to beathe thats fine but most people dont.

Grumpynan · 19/01/2026 14:39

I don’t mind darling/love, what I hate it “bless you” it sounds so belittling and patronising

Kingscallops · 19/01/2026 14:35

SilkAndSparklesForParties · 19/01/2026 14:31

Why is that HCP's think it's ok to infantilise patients? Patients have names, it's polite to use them. What's the issue?

I'm more concerned about the level of care and kindness they are giving me. They can call me what they want as long as they are making me feel better. You seem to be hung up on titles in general.

SilkAndSparklesForParties · 19/01/2026 14:31

Why is that HCP's think it's ok to infantilise patients? Patients have names, it's polite to use them. What's the issue?

Kingscallops · 19/01/2026 14:29

SilkAndSparklesForParties · 19/01/2026 14:25

I don't disrespect them and I woukdn't dream of calling them darling any more than I would dream of calling a consultant darling. I think it's utterly wrong that consultant use the nurse's first names whilst expecting the nurse to call them Mr, Ms, Mrs or Dr. It's an equality issue.

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So a stressed out NHS have more eggs to walk on. Seriously.

SilkAndSparklesForParties · 19/01/2026 14:25

ThatCraftySquid · 19/01/2026 14:21

honestly, unclench

You are the one showing disrespect for the poor staff having to deal with you, not the other way round. I am sure they call Ma'am if you demand it. They're trying to be helpful and put you at ease, but they are in no way inferior to you, you are the one who should show them respect and curtesy instead of insisting they know their place.

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I don't disrespect them and I woukdn't dream of calling them darling any more than I would dream of calling a consultant darling. I think it's utterly wrong that consultant use the nurse's first names whilst expecting the nurse to call them Mr, Ms, Mrs or Dr. It's an equality issue.

allmycats · 19/01/2026 14:25

As long as I am receiving kind and appropriate care I really don’t think it’s an issue. Too many people like to look for things to complain about.