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Original poster

Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

508 replies

KatyKopykat · 04/10/2025 20:36

I do a cleaning job once a week for a neighbour who's been in hospital, she's coming up 67. She's been telling me that the nurses and hospitality staff all call patients darling incessantly. They all do it and she thought it's part of their training. I'd hope not! Another thing they keep saying is bless/aw bless.

AIBU to say this is not professional? I'm not in my sixties but I'd stop it immediately if anyone said it to me.

OP posts:
Kingscallops · 20/01/2026 15:16

Thru my cancer scare I would have been happy to be called anything other than a cancer patient.

Kingscallops · 20/01/2026 15:10

Timeforabitofpeace · 20/01/2026 15:04

Also, it sounds a bit dim on behalf of the speaker.

The level of ingratitude has just gone up a gear.

Timeforabitofpeace · 20/01/2026 15:04

Also, it sounds a bit dim on behalf of the speaker.

RitaIncognita · 20/01/2026 14:26

Letskeepcalm · 20/01/2026 09:17

There is a way of conveying care and concern without talking to people like they are 3 years old

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I agree. It's possible, easy even, to treat people with warmth and respect at the same time.

Original poster
KatyKopykat · 20/01/2026 12:43

Oldwmn · 20/01/2026 12:13

I was exaggerating for effect. 99% of nurses don't do this but every so often you get one & it really grates. I know there is a cohort of middle aged people who can't wait to be treated like an old moron but I'm not one of them. Wait til it's your turn - apart from anything else, I think it's a sign that you're not really being listened to. I don't mind being called by my first name - most nurses & a lot of docs introduce themselves by their first names these days.

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My doctor's name is Scott, that's what I call him. And I call his colleague Tom, because that's his name.

OP posts:
Oldwmn · 20/01/2026 12:13

Dancingspleen1 · 20/01/2026 06:59

Honestly don't waste your energy being furious weeks later about an 'ah bless'. You said yourself you were talking about something humdrum. It was obvious extremely uninteresting or irrelevant so they were just trying to be polite and hoping you'd move on or they could get on with something more important.

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I was exaggerating for effect. 99% of nurses don't do this but every so often you get one & it really grates. I know there is a cohort of middle aged people who can't wait to be treated like an old moron but I'm not one of them. Wait til it's your turn - apart from anything else, I think it's a sign that you're not really being listened to. I don't mind being called by my first name - most nurses & a lot of docs introduce themselves by their first names these days.

Kingscallops · 20/01/2026 12:05

Oldwmn · 20/01/2026 04:28

It's literally everywhere. Young men seem to think it's absolutely fine to call any woman they meet darlin' - I can see why giggly girls might like it but I think it's the epitomy of rudeness when talking to older women. Same goes for anyone who talks to me as I'm anything other an adult. I had my first 'aw bless' from nurse a couple of weeks ago & I'm still furious! I was talking about something very humdrum at the time, no need to speak to me as if I was a toddler who's done something clever 👿

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You're still furious. Maybe you should have let her know at the time so she knew she was dealing with a precious patient.

FizzySnap · 20/01/2026 11:54

Disturbia81 · 19/01/2026 15:55

I love pet names, it makes me feel warm and cared for. It’s just that lovely little interaction that makes it a more pleasant place, when patients are going through horrible things. I can’t stand clinical and polite

Me too. I love it, it’s warm and friendly.

Maybe some people don’t like it when someone younger says it to them because they feel like an old dear. I can see why it might come across as grating it of all the things to get wound up about, a kind nurse should not be one of them.

As a young person, it feels maternal and comforting.

Lifelover16 · 20/01/2026 10:47

When I first started nursing back in the days of the dinosaurs, elderly women were often referred to as “Granny + surname” even in formal handover, and Gran when being addressed. I hated it then and always called them by their names. Elderly men of course were still called Mr ,however.

DogsandFlowers · 20/01/2026 09:29

Letskeepcalm · 20/01/2026 09:17

There is a way of conveying care and concern without talking to people like they are 3 years old

Show quote history

Where does it say I did that?

Letskeepcalm · 20/01/2026 09:17

DogsandFlowers · 20/01/2026 07:37

Cool, just finished a night shift and I’m sure I called a few people pet names…. Oddly enough we all survived and they seemed appreciative of the help 🤗

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There is a way of conveying care and concern without talking to people like they are 3 years old

ZaZathecat · 20/01/2026 09:04

I'm fine with 'darling' but when people say 'aw, bless' I find it tremendously patronising. I mean from anyone, not particularly hospital staff

Quine0nline · 20/01/2026 08:31

"My goddam pronouns are Her Ladyship and Ma'am, not Hen, or Duck - haven't you attended DEI?"

Disturbia81 · 20/01/2026 08:28

DogsandFlowers · 20/01/2026 07:37

Cool, just finished a night shift and I’m sure I called a few people pet names…. Oddly enough we all survived and they seemed appreciative of the help 🤗

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Keep doing it ♥️

GertrudeShufflebottom · 20/01/2026 07:41

It’s friendly and perhaps inevitable, but it’s really patronising, and would irritate me personally. That said, I’m not sure I’d say anything, as it seems to come from the right place and is definitely preferable to being treated coldly or off-hand.

Original poster
KatyKopykat · 20/01/2026 07:38

DogsandFlowers · 20/01/2026 07:37

Cool, just finished a night shift and I’m sure I called a few people pet names…. Oddly enough we all survived and they seemed appreciative of the help 🤗

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Good for you!

OP posts:
DogsandFlowers · 20/01/2026 07:37

KatyKopykat · 19/01/2026 18:25

You can do whatever you like.

I returned to the thread because my neighbour told me about her appointment. I have the right to do that. "Wanging on"? Don't be so rude. Last time I looked it was a discussion board.

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Cool, just finished a night shift and I’m sure I called a few people pet names…. Oddly enough we all survived and they seemed appreciative of the help 🤗

Dancingspleen1 · 20/01/2026 06:59

Oldwmn · 20/01/2026 04:28

It's literally everywhere. Young men seem to think it's absolutely fine to call any woman they meet darlin' - I can see why giggly girls might like it but I think it's the epitomy of rudeness when talking to older women. Same goes for anyone who talks to me as I'm anything other an adult. I had my first 'aw bless' from nurse a couple of weeks ago & I'm still furious! I was talking about something very humdrum at the time, no need to speak to me as if I was a toddler who's done something clever 👿

Show quote history

Honestly don't waste your energy being furious weeks later about an 'ah bless'. You said yourself you were talking about something humdrum. It was obvious extremely uninteresting or irrelevant so they were just trying to be polite and hoping you'd move on or they could get on with something more important.

Dancingspleen1 · 20/01/2026 06:52

SilkAndSparklesForParties · 19/01/2026 14:13

It's precisely because they may be dealing with parts of our bodies that shpuldn't ordinarily be shared, that they should have sufficient respect for the patient to use their name rather than crossing a boundary onto over familiarity. I have a name and I expect hcps to use it. I also don't expect hcps to assume they may use my first name when they address doctors with the respect and courtesy of their titles. It's a respect, dignity and equality issue within a professional relationship. HCP's are not chums.

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I hope you ask each hcp if you can use their first name if that's what you expect from them?

Original poster
KatyKopykat · 20/01/2026 06:44

Oldwmn · 20/01/2026 04:28

It's literally everywhere. Young men seem to think it's absolutely fine to call any woman they meet darlin' - I can see why giggly girls might like it but I think it's the epitomy of rudeness when talking to older women. Same goes for anyone who talks to me as I'm anything other an adult. I had my first 'aw bless' from nurse a couple of weeks ago & I'm still furious! I was talking about something very humdrum at the time, no need to speak to me as if I was a toddler who's done something clever 👿

Show quote history

It's habit I think, they do ut so often they don't realise they're saying it.

OP posts:
Oldwmn · 20/01/2026 04:28

Miranda65 · 19/01/2026 12:43

It's a lazy stereotype. I live in the North. I would never do it, and I don't know anyone who would.
We don't all have whippet and flat caps, either!

Show quote history

It's literally everywhere. Young men seem to think it's absolutely fine to call any woman they meet darlin' - I can see why giggly girls might like it but I think it's the epitomy of rudeness when talking to older women. Same goes for anyone who talks to me as I'm anything other an adult. I had my first 'aw bless' from nurse a couple of weeks ago & I'm still furious! I was talking about something very humdrum at the time, no need to speak to me as if I was a toddler who's done something clever 👿

Boododedoop · 19/01/2026 18:44

When unwell there are times when the coothiness of being called love/darling/hen are what’s needed just as there are times to be called by your given name.

Im just glad I’m alive to hear what’s being said to me.

CherrieTomaties · 19/01/2026 18:31

LadeOde · 19/01/2026 17:25

Hmm.... Context matters. When Craig Revel Horwood ends his sentence with 'darling', he's not being affectionate, he's being condescending.

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Have you ever been nursed in hospital by Craig?

Kingscallops · 19/01/2026 18:30

People with a sense of humour find his sayings funny and endearing. Must every bit of lightheartedness be over scrutinised? Meant to quote the poster slating Craig Revel-Horwood.

Original poster
KatyKopykat · 19/01/2026 18:25

DogsandFlowers · 19/01/2026 18:14

You can’t still be wanging on about this 🤣
I’m just gonna get ready for work now and obviously after reading this am going to be very careful not to refer to anyone as darling etc
Jokes will just carry on as usual 🤭

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You can do whatever you like.

I returned to the thread because my neighbour told me about her appointment. I have the right to do that. "Wanging on"? Don't be so rude. Last time I looked it was a discussion board.

OP posts: