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Original poster

Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

508 replies

KatyKopykat · 04/10/2025 20:36

I do a cleaning job once a week for a neighbour who's been in hospital, she's coming up 67. She's been telling me that the nurses and hospitality staff all call patients darling incessantly. They all do it and she thought it's part of their training. I'd hope not! Another thing they keep saying is bless/aw bless.

AIBU to say this is not professional? I'm not in my sixties but I'd stop it immediately if anyone said it to me.

OP posts:
NotnowMildrid · 20/01/2026 20:47

Why on gods earth would you have an issue with someone being kind to you.

Get over yourself.

Praying4Peace · 20/01/2026 20:36

Kingscallops · 20/01/2026 19:03

Yes because medical staff have so much time in between seeing other patients.

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I am a health care professional and I always ask patients how they would like to be addressed. Imo, that's part of my professional role.

Original poster
KatyKopykat · 20/01/2026 20:16

PurpleCoo · 20/01/2026 20:09

I am a health professional and I think that's really unprofessional. I wonder if people would still think it's ok if it was a middle aged male doctor calling a 25 year old woman 'darling'. Why is it ok for older adults to be called darling? I work with older adults and I wouldn't dream of using such terms. I don't think people would take me seriously if they did. I think it's really condescending to call patients 'darling' and if any of the staff I manage called patients 'darling' I would be raising this in their clinical supervision.

I think care and compassion is demonstrated far more powerfully by demonstrating empathy and listening to people.

👏👏👏👏👏

OP posts:
PurpleCoo · 20/01/2026 20:09

I am a health professional and I think that's really unprofessional. I wonder if people would still think it's ok if it was a middle aged male doctor calling a 25 year old woman 'darling'. Why is it ok for older adults to be called darling? I work with older adults and I wouldn't dream of using such terms. I don't think people would take me seriously if they did. I think it's really condescending to call patients 'darling' and if any of the staff I manage called patients 'darling' I would be raising this in their clinical supervision.

I think care and compassion is demonstrated far more powerfully by demonstrating empathy and listening to people.

Kingscallops · 20/01/2026 19:58

user1497787065 · 20/01/2026 19:36

I’d rather be darling than mate.

I'd rather be alive than dead.

user1497787065 · 20/01/2026 19:36

I’d rather be darling than mate.

Kingscallops · 20/01/2026 19:24

123ZYX · 20/01/2026 19:22

Surely it’s vital that medical staff check the name of the person they’re treating in a busy medical setting? If they assume Mrs Smith is in cubical 1, but she got moved to cubical 4, the wrong patient could end up with the wrong treatment.

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You're assuming staff are unaware of patients' names. To address a patient generically is no indicator, one way or another, of lack of respect. Until I read these posts I thought I was an unreasonable critic of NHS staff.

123ZYX · 20/01/2026 19:22

Kingscallops · 20/01/2026 18:40

Has anyone also thought about the traffic of patients and their individual needs? Putting pressure on clinical staff to then have to remember or acknowledge individual names when they are run off their feet is surely unreasonable.

Surely it’s vital that medical staff check the name of the person they’re treating in a busy medical setting? If they assume Mrs Smith is in cubical 1, but she got moved to cubical 4, the wrong patient could end up with the wrong treatment.

Kingscallops · 20/01/2026 19:20

KatyKopykat · 20/01/2026 19:13

All this to-ing and fro-ing about time to remember people's name is actually irrelevant in all contexts.

When I see people, I will check I have the right person for the meeting, introduce myself as Katy. Once I know I have David Watts sitting in front of me I'd use his name perhaps once at the outset and when concluding the meeting. I wouldn't keep repeating the name like Swiss Toni the used car salesman or an annoying cold caller. I wouldn't call him sweetie.

No, it's not the same application in ALL contexts. However, you do you and keep right on. I prefer to have a very warm and informal care team when I'm unwell and in the hands of medical staff. Then again, I'm not up my own arse.

Original poster
KatyKopykat · 20/01/2026 19:13

All this to-ing and fro-ing about time to remember people's name is actually irrelevant in all contexts.

When I see people, I will check I have the right person for the meeting, introduce myself as Katy. Once I know I have David Watts sitting in front of me I'd use his name perhaps once at the outset and when concluding the meeting. I wouldn't keep repeating the name like Swiss Toni the used car salesman or an annoying cold caller. I wouldn't call him sweetie.

OP posts:
Kingscallops · 20/01/2026 19:03

Praying4Peace · 20/01/2026 18:45

And therefore not appropriate to call patients this in a professional setting.
Patients should be asked how they would like to be addressed

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Yes because medical staff have so much time in between seeing other patients.

Kingscallops · 20/01/2026 19:02

DrToothandtheElectricMayhem · 20/01/2026 18:42

Utter rubbish. It takes seconds to look at/ask a name.

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Are you run off yout feet as a clinician?

Praying4Peace · 20/01/2026 18:45

Westfacing · 04/10/2025 20:44

I’m 71 and a recently retired nurse.

Darling is a genuine term of endearment.

And therefore not appropriate to call patients this in a professional setting.
Patients should be asked how they would like to be addressed

DrToothandtheElectricMayhem · 20/01/2026 18:42

Kingscallops · 20/01/2026 18:40

Has anyone also thought about the traffic of patients and their individual needs? Putting pressure on clinical staff to then have to remember or acknowledge individual names when they are run off their feet is surely unreasonable.

Utter rubbish. It takes seconds to look at/ask a name.

Kingscallops · 20/01/2026 18:40

Has anyone also thought about the traffic of patients and their individual needs? Putting pressure on clinical staff to then have to remember or acknowledge individual names when they are run off their feet is surely unreasonable.

Kingscallops · 20/01/2026 18:36

Timeforabitofpeace · 20/01/2026 15:42

You can be grateful for good clinical care without needing to be patronised.

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Bloody hell, the painful biopsy I went through, having my gynae nurse and her two assistants hearing me shouting fuck me while holding my hand. Afterwards, they had a laugh when I asked when I could next have sex. I was shit scared of my procedures and not so uptight to be worried about what they called me. I appreciate you view it differently.

DrToothandtheElectricMayhem · 20/01/2026 18:25

pestowithwalnuts · 20/01/2026 18:05

How is it patronising ? Some people need to lighten up. Nurses are only trying to be friendly and put you at your ease.
I remember in the 70's I was a nurse on. ward for private patients.
We had some lovely people but the majority were snotty and Sister would have skinned me alive if I'd called anyone ' darling '

Rightly so!

Those were the days 🤣

DrToothandtheElectricMayhem · 20/01/2026 18:24

Im in healthcare, have been for years, and I friggin hate this ‘darling’ (the worst) ‘lovely’, ‘Mum’ crap we use for patients. It’s a more recent thing I’ve noticed in my long career. I hate it being used in my service and I hate it being used for me as a patient, as it’s patronising, especially from a younger staff member. You don’t need to be overly familiar to be kind or a good nurse. Just find out which name the patient wants to be addressed by and use it!

Kingscallops · 20/01/2026 18:07

Oldwmn · 20/01/2026 17:28

Indeed. You'll never hear me kicking up a fuss about that; I'm very grateful for the mobile ct scanner in Asda car park (I had no symptoms & would not have known until much later down the road) & I'm grateful for all the efforts to try & keep me cancer free.
Just don't call me Darlin' 😉

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Or babe 😆 🤣

pestowithwalnuts · 20/01/2026 18:05

How is it patronising ? Some people need to lighten up. Nurses are only trying to be friendly and put you at your ease.
I remember in the 70's I was a nurse on. ward for private patients.
We had some lovely people but the majority were snotty and Sister would have skinned me alive if I'd called anyone ' darling '

XWKD · 20/01/2026 17:56

Today my doctor called me love. I thought it was rather sweet.

Oldwmn · 20/01/2026 17:28

Kingscallops · 20/01/2026 15:53

Fair enough. Thank goodness we are both okay ❤️ x

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Indeed. You'll never hear me kicking up a fuss about that; I'm very grateful for the mobile ct scanner in Asda car park (I had no symptoms & would not have known until much later down the road) & I'm grateful for all the efforts to try & keep me cancer free.
Just don't call me Darlin' 😉

Kingscallops · 20/01/2026 15:53

Oldwmn · 20/01/2026 15:45

Same here. That's why I wouldn't make a thing of it. That doesn't stop it being patronising, does it? Being grateful about good treatment doesn't mean you actually have like the bits that aren't so good, does it? Just because I put up with it doesn't mean I like it. I had to put up with young male customers calling me 'darlin' ' & 'sweetheart' before I dumped the job & that made me scream so my aversion to this isn't confined to medical staff! It's just awful.

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Fair enough. Thank goodness we are both okay ❤️ x

Oldwmn · 20/01/2026 15:45

Kingscallops · 20/01/2026 15:16

Thru my cancer scare I would have been happy to be called anything other than a cancer patient.

Same here. That's why I wouldn't make a thing of it. That doesn't stop it being patronising, does it? Being grateful about good treatment doesn't mean you actually have like the bits that aren't so good, does it? Just because I put up with it doesn't mean I like it. I had to put up with young male customers calling me 'darlin' ' & 'sweetheart' before I dumped the job & that made me scream so my aversion to this isn't confined to medical staff! It's just awful.

Timeforabitofpeace · 20/01/2026 15:42

Kingscallops · 20/01/2026 15:10

The level of ingratitude has just gone up a gear.

Show quote history

You can be grateful for good clinical care without needing to be patronised.