Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

It’s not recommended and I was a nurse myself and never did it. But when I was in hospital as a patient myself some nurses did it and it didn’t bother me it was actually quite nice I felt cared for. I can understand why some people would not like it and would feel disrespected by it though.

being difficult has a problem that the carer has no intention of solving.

When my Dad was in hospital in his 80s the nursing staff started calling him by a diminutive of his first name. Aside from the fact that he never shortened his name, he was actually known by his middle name for his whole life. So suppose his name was Joseph William, known as William, the nurses started calling him Joey. He corrected them politely at first but to no avail, and eventually just stopped responding. He was furious!
My MIL got her name shortened in hospital recently too. It's not English but not particularly long or difficult to pronounce. That's rude, and lazy in my opinion. I think someone's name is a key part of their identity and calling them what they want to be called is very important.
I was always taught to ask a patient on first meeting what they would like to be called and then to use that unless they ask for something different later. Whilst the modern trend is for informality and first names, that wasn't always the case and particularly older people may be very unhappy about being called by their first name or a term of endearment by people they don't know well, especially by someone young. I pull people up on this kind of thing if I notice it. Most of the time I don't think it is ill intentioned and staff genuinely are trying to be warm and friendly, but it's how the patient perceives it that matters, not what you meant, so just blooming well ask them!

My mother is in her eighties. She is very much of the old school, hates to be called darling, love, anything like that. She is very proud. She has had times in her life where her pride was literally all she had. God help you if you shorten her name.

When she was really being put through the health care mill, with invasive tests etc, several a week, she was feeling frightened, angry, defensive and vulnerable. She was always polite and deferent, as people of that age often are when it comes to medical professionals. But being called love, darling, etc, it really made a horrific and stressful, very disempowering, situation so much worse. This is a woman who hardly ever cries. I narrowly missed a flying hairbrush as she cried tears of pure rage at that last tiny indignity being heaped on her head. (She wasn't aiming - I walked through the door at the wrong time!)

It really is such a small thing. But all that needed to be done, was ask what she wanted to be called - it's one of the most common English surnames in the world, and call her Mrs X. To be treated like an adult, with dignity, with respect, with courtesy.

Pretty much what we all want.

I dunno maybe try Starbucks next time?
Might have a no darling policy

I hear it all the time in social care. Usually when a client can't do something or is being difficult. It's really annoying. Agree that darling/love can be patronising. But it's not as bad as the 'mama' used by Filipino and some African nurses for all older women.

I trained as a nurse in the 80s and always asked our patients what they would like to be called. Some liked to be called Mrs or Mr mostly if they were senior men and women. Its about respecting people and their wishes. Some people do like being called darling or love though

Nothing wrong with this it’s a pleasant name to be called

I call check out and other staff darling. It's a term of endearment, kindness and gratitude. I'm not about to stop saying it because precious bystanders maybe offended. If somebody told me they were offended, which they won't, I would have a rethink. You're taking this way too seriously.

My mum is 80, she's an ex matron and nurse lecturer in elderly care and she grew up in the nursing system (her mum and aunts were nurses too) where respect and hierarchy matters. She also has dementia but even on days when she can't remember her own name she remembers the rules of being a nurse.

Someone calling her darling is, to her, a breach of the basic rules of etiquette and when a ward nurse or a carer does it, it's a reminder that the respect she feels she earned has been stripped away and they see her as a little old lady. It also makes her lose respect for them as a professional. Because that's not what she was trained to do. And if they don't know how to do their job, why should she trust them?

She will use the only power she thinks she has and stop complying with care. I've literally seen her starve for 24 hours because she was called sweetie. And it doesn't matter how often I explain it to her, some part of her brain is ruling a hospital wing in the 1970s and those are the rules she applies.

Biddy is Bridget.

My mam would have absolutely hated that, seen it as patronising.

We’re Irish.

The only time I hear aww bless is when I've done something nice for somebody. I can't think of any context this would come up in in a health care setting.

Oh dear I remember an academic psychologist colleague who referred to her old-age research volunteers as 'biddies'. I thought it was very patronising, wrong and ungrateful. I've just wondered if 'biddy' is related to 'biddable'.

It’s just a nice kind thing to say

I'm a physician. I call anyone over 80 pet and love. I'm irish though so it's the norm here. I also go by my first name with the elderly.

Argh I HATE being called 'mate' by men. IME men call a woman MATE to let her know he doesn't fancy her, to keep her at arm's length, so she doesn't get any ideas. I think 'lol fuck off I don't fancy you anyway!'

I mean he may not be calling me mate because of that.... 😆 (But in my head he is!)

And awww BLESS can get in the fucking bin! 😬

Anything else is OK with me though. Darlin', hun, babe, luv, bab, duck, cock, I don't mind any. Just not MATE, (from a man) and 'awwww bless.......'

I can handle darling or love, but what really grates is an “ah, bless you” after every response I give to a certain nurse at a certain hospital close to me. I find that especially patronising and want to then slap this nurse about the face with a wet fish.

Last time I was in hospital I was called 'My lover' repeatedly by my fabulous Indian consultant. Luckily it was in the Westcountry!

I'm in hospital right now for the second time already this year and I've not noticed any love and darling stuff. The doctor I see the most of calls me Mrs xxx, the nurses and other doctors by the unabbreviated version of my first name if they've come looking for me. The others who come because I've rung my bell or are serving up the food/drink either call me by my preferred name if they remember it otherwise skirt round the issue whilst being polite and friendly. As I would. They forgot to write my name on my board when I came back to the ward last night. All that matters to me is that they are kind and approachable. At 61, I'm pretty certain I'm the youngest in my bay of 6 beds. I'm not noticing any different treatment towards the older ladies, even when they're being a bit awkward.

I bet you’re popular!!!
That post sounded incredibly ‘full of my own self importance’ very skin crawly 🤢