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Original poster

Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

508 replies

KatyKopykat · 04/10/2025 20:36

I do a cleaning job once a week for a neighbour who's been in hospital, she's coming up 67. She's been telling me that the nurses and hospitality staff all call patients darling incessantly. They all do it and she thought it's part of their training. I'd hope not! Another thing they keep saying is bless/aw bless.

AIBU to say this is not professional? I'm not in my sixties but I'd stop it immediately if anyone said it to me.

OP posts:
CherrieTomaties · 04/10/2025 21:05

KatyKopykat · 04/10/2025 20:55

This is a person who's not worked for 35 years and has no clue what professional life is like.

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My grandparents, who are both 80, are people who haven’t worked for around 25 years, would never say something so ridiculous.

captainoctopus · 04/10/2025 21:05

I've noticed the "aw bless" and "bless you" from various different hospital/GP's staff, after having to go for repeated visits to both with a nasty infection in the last couple of weeks. I've not noticed it before.
Maybe I've reached some mysterious age threshold? 🤔

ThisUniqueRoseRobin · 04/10/2025 21:04

IfHeWantedToHeWould · 04/10/2025 20:56

It’s because we can’t call you asshole, knobhead or pain in the arse. Hope this helps.

Hmm

👏 😆

whoputallofthatthere · 04/10/2025 21:03

I was in hospital (yet again) yesterday for an MRI. The lady who looked after me called me darling (and I am in my 30s, so this isn't a "patronising an older person" thing.) She was incredibly warm and friendly and it really put me at ease and made a miserable morning a little bit better. I think the staff can't win sometimes - whatever they do will be wrong for someone.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 04/10/2025 21:03

Patronising, no i don't think so!! I think it depends how uptight you are.😁 I would rather be called darling/sweetie than with brusk ignorance any day.

JLou08 · 04/10/2025 21:02

In my experience women who use these terms are often very warm and caring people. They're the kind of people I'd want caring for me. I say women as I have heard men use it in a patronising way.

musicalfrog · 04/10/2025 21:00

Just to add, a lot of patients use affectionate names for the care staff too - it's really not a problem for most though!

Sidebeforeself · 04/10/2025 20:59

SilkAndSparklesForParties · 04/10/2025 20:53

Don't you think that when someone is vulnerable they deserve not to be patronised and infantilised? I don't see it as kindness, I see it as a partial removal of dignity. A person is over 60, unwell, perhaps in their nighties and without their usual comforts. Their name is a fundamental part of their lives and being. Is it too much to ask for a humans identity to be acknowledged.

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You say over 60 as if they are old . I find that more offensive.

Sub2Mumma · 04/10/2025 20:59

User5306921 · 04/10/2025 20:46

They do it on the children's ward too 'Mum do this' and 'Mum sit there'.

Its annoying but I guess we do it too when we say 'Nurse can you tell me'....

At least doctors never say it.

Absolutely and ‘are you mum / dad?’ No I’m the cats mother 🙄

Core memory unlocked though by this thread. When DD was born the number of folk who asked if she was ‘good’ irritated me no end. Always wanted to say ’well she isn’t mugging old ladies outside the coop’ 🤷‍♀️

NellieElephantine · 04/10/2025 20:58

Pifflepafflewifflewaffle · 04/10/2025 20:45

Just spent some time with an elderly friend in a&e and was horrified by how patronising some of the staff were to an incredibly intelligent older person, it’s like they assume you lose your brain as you age.

67 isn’t even old, plenty of working 67 year olds, I’d be irritated by it too.

Ah so the incredibly intelligent patients shouldn't be called darling.... but OK for others? Are the staff to do an iq test to see who's the incredibly intelligent patients?

musicalfrog · 04/10/2025 20:58

In a care setting it can seem quite formal to just use someone's name without softening it slightly.

If someone asked me I'd respect their wishes, but any one patient will come into contact with a lot of individual staff members in a given day!

It's more important that the care is given correctly imo.

Octavia64 · 04/10/2025 20:58

I’m from the north.

i consider this perfectly normal and not patronising in the slightest.

Everyone does it in the north.

i live in the south.
very few people do it in the south. Except me. And other people who I usually discover are from Newcastle.

IfHeWantedToHeWould · 04/10/2025 20:56

It’s because we can’t call you asshole, knobhead or pain in the arse. Hope this helps.

Hmm
78Summer · 04/10/2025 20:56

If that is all she has to worry about I would say she doesn’t have a lot to worry about.

musicalfrog · 04/10/2025 20:55

User5306921 · 04/10/2025 20:46

They do it on the children's ward too 'Mum do this' and 'Mum sit there'.

Its annoying but I guess we do it too when we say 'Nurse can you tell me'....

At least doctors never say it.

Well yes, it's more important they remember the patient's name don't you think?

Original poster
KatyKopykat · 04/10/2025 20:55

CherrieTomaties · 04/10/2025 20:50

They all do it and she thought it's part of their training.

Ffs how ridiculous.

Anyone who thinks “calling people darling” is part of a nursing degree and placement training - is an absolute idiot.

If people don’t like to be called “darling” all they have to do is say “Call me X. My name is X”.

This is a person who's not worked for 35 years and has no clue what professional life is like.

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 04/10/2025 20:54

My mum is 90, in a care home, and the staff use this langague - I think it’s lovely. She’s in the EMI wing, and I think it makes it all feel a bit more homely.

SilkAndSparklesForParties · 04/10/2025 20:53

Calliopespa · 04/10/2025 20:48

When did the world get so full of people who are so easily offended?

Don't you think that when someone is vulnerable they deserve not to be patronised and infantilised? I don't see it as kindness, I see it as a partial removal of dignity. A person is over 60, unwell, perhaps in their nighties and without their usual comforts. Their name is a fundamental part of their lives and being. Is it too much to ask for a humans identity to be acknowledged.

TamzinGrey · 04/10/2025 20:53

Newusername3kidss · 04/10/2025 20:40

I assume the “darling” is because they might not remember all the patients’ names. This wouldn’t bother me at all but I’m from a northern town where we call everyone “love”

I loath being called "darling" by nursing staff and it happens all of the time. It's so patronising. Not remembering names is no excuse whatsoever. I often forget the names of people in work meetings but I wouldn't dream of addressing them as "darling" or "sweetheart" which is another one they come out with.

JMSA · 04/10/2025 20:53

Och, it wouldn’t bother me.
My Glaswegian father calls any male younger than him ‘son’!

CherrieTomaties · 04/10/2025 20:50

They all do it and she thought it's part of their training.

Ffs how ridiculous.

Anyone who thinks “calling people darling” is part of a nursing degree and placement training - is an absolute idiot.

If people don’t like to be called “darling” all they have to do is say “Call me X. My name is X”.

Calliopespa · 04/10/2025 20:48

When did the world get so full of people who are so easily offended?

SilkAndSparklesForParties · 04/10/2025 20:47

I'm 65 and from the south. I absolutely detest it and find it patronising. It's professional to speak to people respectfully and to use their name. Would any of these nurses say "hello darlin" to the on call doctor when they appear?

Dontcallmescarface · 04/10/2025 20:47

Newusername3kidss · 04/10/2025 20:40

I assume the “darling” is because they might not remember all the patients’ names. This wouldn’t bother me at all but I’m from a northern town where we call everyone “love”

My name was written on a white board above my bed..I still got called "dear". I did ask them politely not to call me anything other than my name but they still carried on in a very patronising tone. I was 58 at the time .

User5306921 · 04/10/2025 20:46

They do it on the children's ward too 'Mum do this' and 'Mum sit there'.

Its annoying but I guess we do it too when we say 'Nurse can you tell me'....

At least doctors never say it.