Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

I was on a ward for women 50+. The nurses called us all 'mama'. I didn't mind at all, and if the other patients did, I didn't hear about it.

First names are fine if it goes for patient and doctor. The last time I was in hospital, a doctor said "Hi, I'm Mohammed and I'm a [whatever his grade was]." That's good, but "Hi, I'm Dr XXX" and then calling me by my first name is rude.

I have no problem with "my love" if it comes from a place of kindness, but I'm going to be equally familiar in my response.

Nurses and HCA usually have a deeper connection to patients than doctors who flash by, break the news and go. It makes sense that there would be a warmer relationship with someone who is literally wiping your blood, washing you and having a chat about everyday things.

100% As with most care workers they ask the client first like they’re trained to do, as a relationship develops between them, pet names can be more appropriate.
My Dsis a carer, is more loving, gentle and caring to her clients than their own family, one lady likes to have her tummy rubbed when she is in pain, another gentleman wants her to be his daughter, he calls her sweetheart, darling, maybe she should tell him it isn’t professional, another young lad who is confined to his bed will call her Mammy, many enjoy pet names but again it is always something that the client decides.

I would choose to be tactile and working class every time if reincarnation existed.
Big hugs.

I agree, but I'd be happiest with I'm Beth Jones, Paediatric Consultant, specialising in xyz. That is of course if Beth assumes she may call me SilkAndSparkles. If she calls me Mrs ForParties I'm perfectly happy to call her Dr/Ms/Miss Jones. I do object, however, to doctors introducing themselves to me with their title and surname and assuming they may use my first name. I always correct that. It's rude and it subordinates and woukd be tolerated in no other sector.

It's funny, isn't it, how doctors manage to get through the day without calling anyone unwanted pet names yet it's an unreasonable expectation of a nurse or HCA?

I agree to some extent. I always introduce myself as Dr Doc and give my job title because that is important. Patients are entitled to know by whom they are being treated. I'd then ask the patient how they wished to be addressed. If they say Mr Bloggs that's fine, as is Joe, Joey or whatever.
My specialty means that I don't have long term relationships with many patients and their families but those that I do mostly call me by my first name. I don't have a problem with that. But I don't like it when HCPs only introduce themselves by their first name. I have been to a number of hospital appointments with my daughter and grandchild recently and I have noticed it becoming commoner. "Hi I'm Beth" which is how someone introduced themselves yesterday is friendly enough but I'd rather know what Beth's profession and grade are than her name. Especially these days with so many non standard roles and most staff wearing scrubs it is not at all obvious who everyone is and I think that it matters.

Haven’t read the whole thread sorry. Calling patients things like “darling” is frowned upon now for sure, but I don’t agree that it’s always patronising or disrespectful. I trained in the 80s up in the north midlands, we called everyone (including ourselves) “duck”. The patients all said it too!

Patient: “is there a cup of tea on the go duck”
Me: “ I’m sure there is duck” “Hey Sheila more tea needed over here, squeeze the pot will you duck?”

😂😂

Yes, it is to an extent a class issue. But I disagree with your assertion that all working class people are affectionate, tactile and chatty and all middle/upper class people aren't or that it's hoity toity to expect other humans to speak to them as their equal. It's an equality issue and if a doctor expects me to address them as Dr, Mr, Miss or Ms then I expect them and those around them to address me similarly.

For the Dr above who calls all people over 80 Pet, they are very lucky they have not met my 89 year old mother.

The NHS/health sector, with its hierarchies and paternalism is the institution that it out of step. Everywhere else, first names are used as we approach the mod 21st Century. The exception is in court, where even if one were in the dock, accuswd of murder, the Judge would address the accused with their title. There is no such respect or etiquette within the NHS nowadays.

Exactly. It’s about respect.

These terms all make me cringe, they feel overfamiliar, but I never say anything as I know it’s well intentioned. It doesn’t take any of my time and doesn’t stop me from doing anything.

As a doctor, I have never called any patient darling or sweetheart in my life, yet am pretty kind and caring and get great feedback. I ask patients what they like to be called at the start of consultations. It breaks the ice a bit too and shows that I care. And I also frequently meet the older parents/relatives of my adult patients on the wards. I ask their names and use them. I wouldn’t dream of calling them ‘mum’ and ‘dad’, so why we do we allow it in paeds?!

The NHS is currently a fairly horrific place to work, maybe the pet names are not trying to be unprofessional or offensive just trying to get through the day? Also I didn’t think slagging off nurses ‘these days’ was particularly kind either, granted some are rubbish but the majority I meet (newly qualified included) are just trying to survive and do the very best they can!

I should think at 58, not that long most likely.
How is that relevant?

How long since you were on the frontline though?

I find most people phoning call me by my Christian name on the assumption its OK, drs are more formal which I think is better

We were in NZ, so it was neither the UK class system, nor regional quirks at work. (It just about made her head explode when she was over here visiting, lol).

I'm sure many see it as harmless, and sweet and kind, but surely they can see that others don't? And if that other person is in the vulnerable situation of a time of heightened emotion, that it is not sweet and kind or harmless, to upset them still further by calling them something they don't like to be called, when there is a perfectly good title or name, right there in front of them, to use?

I am a retired nurse.

This is patronising behaviour and entirely unprofessional. I recently had a nurse call me darling within her first sentence of our first meeting and I pulled her up on it (politely) straight away. She said she found older people like it. I am 58!

I explained that older people do not have a hive mind anymore than people in their twenties like her. I also reminded her that she should always ask patients how they like to be addressed ie first name or titles.
Sometimes a bit of formality in a professional setting is the only dignity a patient feels they have left so it is essential that a good nurse respects this.

Unless you have an established relationship with a patient you are certain prefers this language or it slips out in a moment of extremis it is wrong.

I despair of many nurses these days for a variety of reasons.

I’m afraid this is to do with class. Working class people tend to be more tactile, affectionate, chatty, while your middle, upper class less so. I’m working class and insisting on nursing staff calling you Mr/Mrs… would be seen as rude and patronising so it’s all about intent. I was a health care assistant for many many years and I would usually ask what someone liked to be called and once you get to know them a bit, you can gauge how to communicate.
The important thing to remember is no one is being patronising on purpose, it’s their way of being kind and putting you at ease.

Any registered nurse trained to modern, UK NMC standards has been trained not to do this. Communication approaches vary and should be adapted to patient preference (whilst remaining professional). Some patients find terms of endearment comforting, others find them overfamiliar and/or patronising. It's not a 'one size fits all' thing. It can be a difficult habit to break if you are from a culture or background where these terms are just a part of your normal vocabulary or even a sign of respect for your elders.

Mileage may vary for healthcare support staff providing bedside care, who do not receive the same training but are often confused for registered nurses. Though NHS Trust policy usually aligns with NMC re respectful communication with patients and non-registered staff should be adhering.

Rubbish! How lovely to be called darling. You sound like a complete sourpuss.

I don't see the issue, sometimes it's regional greeting, I moved to the midlands for University and was surprised when everyone called be duck, but just a term of endearment to me, and probably don't know everyone's name.

We are not supposed to speak to primary school children like that, let alone adults. Adults in hospital may well be suffering a loss of dignity alongside everything else, and it is perfectly possible for staff to address patients both kindly and professionally. It’s one thing being called “ love” by a market stall holder, when you are a fully dressed customer spending money where you choose. It’s quite another thing when you are in your nightclothes, maybe disorientated, maybe frightened, probably in pain and discomfort. If ever there was a time to demonstrate respect it’s then.