Page 19 | Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

KatyKopykat · 2025-10-04T19:36:42+00:00

I do a cleaning job once a week for a neighbour who's been in hospital, she's coming up 67. She's been telling me that the nurses and hospitality staff all call patients darling incessantly. They all do it and she thought it's part of their training. I'd hope not! Another thing they keep saying is bless/aw bless. AIBU to say this is not professional? I'm not in my sixties but I'd stop it immediately if anyone said it to me.

Squishydishy · 04/10/2025 21:28

Think it’s nice when people are nice to you

Calliopespa · 04/10/2025 21:27

JMSA · 04/10/2025 20:53

Och, it wouldn’t bother me.
My Glaswegian father calls any male younger than him ‘son’!

Those were the days: when people weren't all shards of glass, spiky and fragile.

ERthree · 04/10/2025 21:26

It's a bloody sad miserable world when folk can't be pleasant to each other. No wonder folk are stressed.

shhblackbag · 04/10/2025 21:26

Oldrockchic · 04/10/2025 21:13

It's patronising and annoying. I'm just turned 65 and it's started. Not just nurses, also restaurant serving staff.

I am not your fucking sweetheart.

I would hate this so much, especially from a server. It is patronising.

clamshell24 · 04/10/2025 21:25

Maddening and patronising. Darling is ok but the rest... And it comes not just with age but disability. Find yourself bedbound or in a wheelchair? Bless, aww, til the cows come home. If you're female.

OodlesTheTalkingPoodle · 04/10/2025 21:24

I was recently in hospital and had the misfortune of being cared for by a total Nurse Ratched. After being transferred to another ward I was cared for by an absolutely lovely African nurse who called me darling/sweetheart etc and I was just so thankful to have someone nice.

TheignT · 04/10/2025 21:23

Lovelamps · 04/10/2025 21:19

I think it's quite sweet actually. I don't think it's done in a disrespectful or belittling way at all, or related to the status of those in the situation. I see it more as being supportive and caring and said in the context of care or service provision of any sort as meaning more of an 'Ive got you/ I'm here to help take care of you, don't worry' type of thing esp said in a siituation where someone might be feeling unsure or in pain etc that obviously wouldn't be the right tone for chatting generally with a doctor colleague so not really a relevant comparison imo.

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People's feelings will vary which is why I think asking people how they'd like to be addressed is important.

Absentosaur · 04/10/2025 21:22

What’s the problem?

BlueberryLatte · 04/10/2025 21:21

I wouldn't assume it is age related. I get called "lovely" / "my lovely" all the time by various professionals and always have done. I'm 41

TheignT · 04/10/2025 21:21

Mycatissohandsome · 04/10/2025 21:19

I have been a nurse for 27 years and never called anyone darling, none of my colleagues do either. I struggle to believe “they all do it”.

Anyway far worse things can happen than being called darling. Stop looking for problems where there aren’t any.

Sometimes if you're getting on a bit, you're ill and feeling a bit out of control being treated with dignity can be very important.

OtterMummy2024 · 04/10/2025 21:20

It can be a cultural thing. Some of the nurses from certain countries do it. As long as they're professional in their behaviour, it doesn't bother me what they call me (in this case, while resetting a dislocated finger...)

EagleOnTheMirror · 04/10/2025 21:20

I’m in my 30s and have been called darling by people when I’ve been very ill in hospital recently and I haven’t found it patronising or offensive- and presumably it wasn’t because I’m elderly as I’m not, it felt friendly and kind. Very different to creepy men going “alright darling!”. I agree with PP that people can’t win sometimes.
I have been much more upset by the very occasional brusque manner of nurses when I’ve felt vulnerable- but even that I know probably is just someone worked off their feet.
I have family in parts of the country where everyone is darling, dear, son, hen or some sort of endearment so it doesn’t sound odd to me.

Lovelamps · 04/10/2025 21:19

SilkAndSparklesForParties · 04/10/2025 20:47

I'm 65 and from the south. I absolutely detest it and find it patronising. It's professional to speak to people respectfully and to use their name. Would any of these nurses say "hello darlin" to the on call doctor when they appear?

I think it's quite sweet actually. I don't think it's done in a disrespectful or belittling way at all, or related to the status of those in the situation. I see it more as being supportive and caring and said in the context of care or service provision of any sort as meaning more of an 'Ive got you/ I'm here to help take care of you, don't worry' type of thing esp said in a siituation where someone might be feeling unsure or in pain etc that obviously wouldn't be the right tone for chatting generally with a doctor colleague so not really a relevant comparison imo.

TheignT · 04/10/2025 21:19

Blushingm · 04/10/2025 21:10

I say ‘thanks drive’ when getting off the bus……it’s normal here. Would you consider that offensive?

No but id think it odd if you called him sweetheart.

Mycatissohandsome · 04/10/2025 21:19

I have been a nurse for 27 years and never called anyone darling, none of my colleagues do either. I struggle to believe “they all do it”.

Anyway far worse things can happen than being called darling. Stop looking for problems where there aren’t any.

TheignT · 04/10/2025 21:18

Arraminta · 04/10/2025 21:11

I can't possibly remember the names of all of DDs friends at university, so they all get called Darling.

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Do you think their tutors use their names or call them sweetheart?

TheignT · 04/10/2025 21:16

Don't they normally ask what you want to be called? I was last time I was in hospital and that was written on a whiteboard over my bed. I appreciated it as I've always been known by a shortening of my given name. I didn't say darling or sweetheart.

Tamfs · 04/10/2025 21:15

It isn't part of the training. We were explicitly trained NOT to do this and I trained at the end of the last century 😉

Oldrockchic · 04/10/2025 21:13

It's patronising and annoying. I'm just turned 65 and it's started. Not just nurses, also restaurant serving staff.

I am not your fucking sweetheart.

Arraminta · 04/10/2025 21:11

Newusername3kidss · 04/10/2025 20:40

I assume the “darling” is because they might not remember all the patients’ names. This wouldn’t bother me at all but I’m from a northern town where we call everyone “love”

I can't possibly remember the names of all of DDs friends at university, so they all get called Darling.

SilkAndSparklesForParties · 04/10/2025 21:10

Sidebeforeself · 04/10/2025 20:59

You say over 60 as if they are old . I find that more offensive.

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Forgive me. It wasn't meant in that way. I am 65 and note the NHS in particular, is very ageist and that the tone has changed.

Blushingm · 04/10/2025 21:10

I say ‘thanks drive’ when getting off the bus……it’s normal here. Would you consider that offensive?

Toofficeornot · 04/10/2025 21:09

I think I would like it. I am in my 40s.

ThisUniqueRoseRobin · 04/10/2025 21:09

I was in hospital for a few nights two weeks ago. I’m 40 and being called ‘sweetheart’ and the like was actually quite nice. Smiling healthcare staff when I was in pain whilst calling me affectionate names was a nice touch. Why anybody would take offence to this at any age is beyond me. I was just grateful to them.

Saz12 · 04/10/2025 21:08

..."whatever they do will be wrong for someone" is exactly the issue.

My DF absolutely hated what he saw as infantilising, disrespectful language in hospitals etc. To the point where he asked to be cslled "Mr Smith" (not his actual surname!). It is hard to feel dignified when you're in hospital.

Someone else would see it as warm and friendly, though. Impossible for hcp to get it right every time.