Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

’Darling’ I like. I like the informality of it.

’Bless’ I hate. But I just dislike the expression.

Thing is though, I think you have to consider intention.

If you think the nurse intends to convey the attitude, ‘this doddery old dribbler is not deserving of my respect’, then you might be right to be offended.

But if you think the nurse intends ‘my use of a mild endearment might put this patient at ease’ then you should accept it with good grace.

Precisely my thoughts

Context is everything here - you are in hospital, probably feeling scared or vulnerable. In this circumstance I absolutely would not mind being called darling, love, dear or anything else

now it a creepy used car salesman used it, it might be used to undermine you or is just ignorant

in a hospital setting this wouldn’t bother me at all

I thought that's why patient names were written on the white board above the bed.

Now you’ve called OP’s mum , who is already feeling patronised, an idiot!! She’s baffled by all the patients getting called Darling and wondering if the staff have been told to do this. Quite a reasonable deduction though it’s also possible that they share an unfortunate habit. I’d hate it too.

Remembering patients names is unlikely when you can have four in the same bed space over the course of one shift, or you might get moved at any point to cover a staff shortage in another ward, then the next day you come back and half of them have been discharged or moved to other wards.

Endless threads about the lack of kindness in society have to be balanced by threads about being too kind, I guess. 🙄

What a set of absolute bastards!

I think when someone is ill they need to be cared for.

I simply don't see any of these terms as patronising and I think it's just looking for a reason to be grumpy.

If I'm ill, I just want the necessary care, I don't expect people to be learning my name. I mean what difference does it really make provided they are friendly and caring?

ETA I actually would prefer not to have my name used when I think about it. Receiving medical care is an oddly intimate process. If someone I have just met is about to view my bottom or whatever, I'd honestly just rather stay a random patient; I don't need to have a first names dynamic.

Good grief - I’m 67 and I much prefer nursing staff or doctors to call me darling, love, or something similar than using my first name or Mrs Growly. I always feel that it sounds much more caring and don’t find it in the least bit patronising.

YABU.

I work in admissions in a hospital and routinely call the patients I speak to darling, or sweetheart or lovely or any other such thing.

People in healthcare encounter people in their worst moments and it’s natural to want it to be a little more human.

Well depends where you come from it's regular to here darling or similar in general convo with the town folks.

Yes, when said by a partner.

When I have been in hospital I have felt vulnerable and being called darling didn't sound like a term of endearment. It felt as though staff couldn't be bothered to remember my name or to glance at the board above the bed.

I think, when professional boundaries need to be maintained, a little formality doesn't go amiss

In the same way that calling someone nobhead extrapolates to being mean.

Darling is a term of endearment isn't it.

I’ve not been called ‘darling’ but I remember being very upset by a nurse, young enough to be my daughter, who kept referring to me as ‘petal’ just after I’d been diagnosed with breast cancer. If she couldn’t remember my name she didn’t need to have said anything. At the time I was 48 so not old, a middle Manager in charge of a team of 40 and I felt patronised and belittled. I was upset ienough at my cancer diagnosis and losing control of my life that it really was the final straw and I just ended up sobbing at the unfairness of it all.

You sound fun/nice not.

Ha ha touche!
I've decided that no one in any public sector work can ever do anything right. There are always people moaning. I sometimes wonder why we bother.

I think aw bless is fine tbh. It is kind, non offensive ( in the normal world outside mumsnet ). I am not sure it is patronising especially 🤔
Being in hospital is grim mainly. I work in one and patients struggle with the environment, boredom, fear, pain and being ill and away from home. Staff in the NHS are over worked, under paid ( and since covid saucepan bashing time) not liked or respected generally by the public. On a busy ward nursing staff have to give it 150% to spend time with their patients, listen and offer a few kind words back.
Saying whatever , including aw bless is Ok saying F off or shut up, stop complaining etc would be a problem.
Another wordy non problem.

I like it - YABU.

Christ. People I care about have been treated disgustingly by some healthcare staff who couldn’t give two shits about their patients. And you’re worried about being called darling? 🙄

I think your reading too much into it.
It's just what some staff members do and they aren't thinking about age, level of intelligence or anything else when doing it.
Im often called darling, pet, my lovely etc by staff members who do this with patients. Im in a senior role and Im not offended by it.

I spent a lot of time in hospital with my dd when she was a baby - being called ‘mum’ or being asked if I was mum was the least of my worries.

@IfHeWantedToHeWould · Today 20:56

It’s because we can’t call you asshole, knobhead or pain in the arse. Hope this helps.

LOL.

@Sub2Mumma

Core memory unlocked though by this thread. When DD was born the number of folk who asked if she was ‘good’ irritated me no end. Always wanted to say ’well she isn’t mugging old ladies outside the coop’ 🤷‍♀️

LOL again! 😆

But you might not be mum or dad? You could be the carer of a child and not their parent. It is absolutely perfectly reasonable to ask if you are mum or dad.

I know that ‘bless’ is seen as deeply patronising in America - my American friend confessed that she could never quite work out whether people were being twats or not when they say it here (she lived here for several years). I actually found I wasn’t sure what to tell her!

There are lots of regional terms of endearment (duck is my favourite) and it would be a shame to lose them.