Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

I'm a professional carer and I often say 'love' or 'lovey', though I am from the north! I probably don't do it with everyone but it just slips out! Am I a terrible unprofessional patroniser? I hope not love!

I'm from up north (though now in the south) too. And I love the warmth up there and being called love by many strangers.

But what OP is talking about is very different, and I wasn't really aware of it until I saw it happening to my mum and aunt.

This isn't about walking around a market and being called love by all the stallholders etc. It's about the tone, and trust me, I saw it happen constantly to my family members, and it made me dread getting old and disabled.

Interestingly, the family member who wasn't patronised, was the one in a care home in Yorkshire. The warmth was absolutely theyre, but they didn't use those words to treat her like a child.

I get the impression that many posters who think it's just 'being kind' will feel differently should they end up needing care in their 80s.

100 per cent

Not up north then?
Everyone is 'love' up here- age/sex - no matter.
Same in healthcare settings.

I intensely dislike this use of 'darling'. But 'aw, bless' is far worse.

'Aw, bless' is definitely patronising and belittling. Do they also give people pats on the head? It's what people say when they not only haven't been listening, but have decided the person isn't worth listening to or properly engaging with.

It's an indiciation of entirely the wrong attitude when dealing with patients (or care home residents) who if they are speaking to staff are likely to be saying something important. They deserve the respect of being listened to, and a useful response.

Yes, I've been thinking this too. I know exactly what you mean by those people who keep dropping your name into the conversation. I think about 15 or 20 years ago there was one of those "How to win people over" self-help type books doing the rounds that suggested peppering the conversation with the other person's name was a sure-fire way to have them flattered and eating out of your hand.

I find it grating; I feel like charging rent or royalties every time they use it. But I do try to remind myself they probably think it's polite and I take it in the spirit in which it is intended. Certainly nothing to get wound up about.

I think I would find it comfortingly warm and affectionate (I'm from the midlands, now living in the north). But I haven't been in the patient position.

That wouldn't be but they'd probably think my cheers bab to the driver is offensive 🤭

The trust I work for actually teaches against calling patients by terms of endearment. It doesn't stop some staff though.
Worst I've heard is in the physio department, young 22 year old physios referring to war veterans as "fella", " my little superstar" and on one memorable occasion "pickle". 😳.
I'm really old school and call everyone Sir or Madam if I have forgotten their surname.

Paediatric doc here. I call patients kiddo all the time. I often call parents pet and love. It puts my patients at ease. I'm Irish though and we're a lot friendlier though so ?

I also think that there's a huge difference between a few days stay in hospital having people doing this care for you and being a tad patronising, and another when this is the rest of your life, due to needing care.

In my mum's care facility, the carers absolutely were patronising in tone and talking to her as if she was five.
Yet in my MIL's care home, despite it being a dementia home, the carers were warm and caring but never patronising.

There's a fine line between giving personal care with warmth, and leaving the patient/resident feeling treated like a child. But it's really important to be on the right side of that line.

It’a used as most people find these terms endearing, it’s done with kindness not to patronise

nurses and care assistants are so often over worked they can’t provide such individual personalised care to their patients they just have to get on with their job and show kindness

what more do we want from them

I'm one of these people who don't see the need to call people anything. I'm not actively avoiding it, but I find is awkward whenever people insist on repeating my name on conversation. If you are looking at me, I know you are talking to me. If you need my attention and the room is crowded, then fine, call me by my name. But if i am in my room and a doctor walks in, wr can nust say hello without names, titles or pet names.

I have a love-hate relationship with these pet names. When you get the tone and moment right, it can be very comforting. If the tone or moment is off, it is the most condescending and infuriating thing.

My mum had a horribly disabling stroke, aged 75, and for the next 15 years was in a care facility. Along with her physical helplessness, she had to endure being patronised like this. She said that it was impossible to have any kind of mature conversation with anyone (she remained as mentally sharp as she'd ever been) , because the carers all talked to her as if she was a small child. It added hugely to her depression.

Likewise my late husband's elderly aunt was in hospital for a very long period after a serious accident. Like my mum, she was an intelligent ex-professional person, and was also driven mad by being treated as if she was five years old.

So many posters on this thread are missing the point
It's perfectly possible to be warm and caring, but to still talk to older patients as fellow adults.

Ohh for goodness sake as a nurse of nearly 30 years, the nurses are being kind nothing else not patronising. I’d be more upset if your friend was receiving poor care. It’s a term of endearment because I’ll tell you there are plenty who are not darlings. Most people would not believe what we have to put up with and the expectations of the general public ohh yeah and the patients. Daily abuse, nothing is good enough, the level of rudeness is of the scale and absolutely no manners. Recently a patient was threatening to grape the nursing staff and their children. We’ve to bite our tongues and just get on with it. Soo if that’s all you’ve got to worry about I’d forget about it.

I am Welsh and worked in a Welsh Hospital for 40 years . Everyone speaks like this here . It's just the norm . Even outside of hospital it's sweetheart , darling , love , lovely , babes, butt, bro .
l suppose it's what one is used to .

North here. Not just nurses but bus drivers, shop assistants. Basically everyone. I think it’s nice people being friendly 🤷‍♀️

My dad has very advanced cancer and spends a lot of time in and out of various hospitals. He hates the generic ‘duck’ and ‘love’ because most of the time when people do that it’s not accompanied by respectful care. He’s treated as a generic issue, has usually been asked for the same history information three times or is being treated as a task which needs completing, but the staff probably feel like they’re being caring because they’re using terms of endearment.

In fairness there are sometimes that it’s genuine, you can usually tell when it is.

He always makes an effort to learn people’s names and uses them, even when he’s incredibly unwell and in excruciating pain or in a life threatening situation, he treats people with respect and like adult professionals.

Ah Bless, is not used in place of a name most of the time. When I tell dentist receptionist I need an appointment sooner than a months time because I am in a lot of pain from the treatment I had a couple of days ago at a cost of 2k and she replies 'Ah Bless, we haven't got any' that's patronizing.

Did you call each nurse and doctor by their names?
Or just 'Hi nurse', 'Hi Doctor'?

Omg !!! If that’s all you haven’t worry about I’ll trade you right now . Did you consider it’s done as theses nurses may be caring for 30 odd patients and can’t possibly remember all the names ? I’m from the north and to be called ducky love or darling is a term of endearment nothing more , we also say bless a lot it’s also a caring endearment not patronising or anything . Chill out