Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

KatyKopykat · 2025-10-04T19:36:42+00:00

I do a cleaning job once a week for a neighbour who's been in hospital, she's coming up 67. She's been telling me that the nurses and hospitality staff all call patients darling incessantly. They all do it and she thought it's part of their training. I'd hope not! Another thing they keep saying is bless/aw bless. AIBU to say this is not professional? I'm not in my sixties but I'd stop it immediately if anyone said it to me.

RitaIncognita · 14/02/2026 16:00

Getthetea · 13/02/2026 20:18

Just say if you don’t like it. Lots of people have nobody that cares for them. Being called darling is the only affection they have. Imagine if every carer they encountered was cold and business like.

it's possible to be warm and caring without calling someone darling.

DogsandFlowers · 13/02/2026 22:58

KatyKopykat · 13/02/2026 21:02

Why's having asthma a joke? People have died of it. Don't act like a chump.

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It’s not a joke, who said that? Also loving the very detailed list of shops/employees/greetings and how they made you feel.

SilkAndSparklesForParties · 13/02/2026 22:00

Getthetea · 13/02/2026 20:18

Just say if you don’t like it. Lots of people have nobody that cares for them. Being called darling is the only affection they have. Imagine if every carer they encountered was cold and business like.

I don't regard an hcp as cold and business like if they use my name. I regard it as friendly and professional whereas I regaed "love", "darlin", etc, as overfamiliar and sloppy and as if they can't be bothered to use my correct name.

Patchmelinda · 13/02/2026 21:47

KatyKopykat · 13/02/2026 21:02

Why's having asthma a joke? People have died of it. Don't act like a chump.

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I agree!
Asthma reviews are really important.

A 2024 report said that over 12,000 people in the UK had died from asthma attacks since the publication of a landmark study ten years previously…the study had found that the majority of asthma deaths are preventable.

Original poster

KatyKopykat · 13/02/2026 21:02

DogsandFlowers · 13/02/2026 19:37

Nooooo not the asthma review 🤣🤣
Here’s hoping it didn’t bring on any shortness of breath 😱

Why's having asthma a joke? People have died of it. Don't act like a chump.

OP posts:

Getthetea · 13/02/2026 20:18

Just say if you don’t like it. Lots of people have nobody that cares for them. Being called darling is the only affection they have. Imagine if every carer they encountered was cold and business like.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 13/02/2026 20:05

When I was in hospital for 3 weeks I don’t think anyone called me dear or darling, IIRC they mostly used my name. Maybe at 70+ I came across as too grumpy an old bag for them to risk it.
But I do recall a porter who was wheeling me about between wards or down to X ray etc., calling me ‘love’. That was nice.

Ilikesundays · 13/02/2026 20:02

AIBU to be surprised how few people can hold a pen or pencil properly? I am old and my teachers would have pounced on anyone awkwardly grasping a pen. I imagine teachers today.are relieved that children are writing at all as opposed to scrolling.

Ilikesundays · 13/02/2026 19:58

My late grandmother was called Grandma by the nurses and hated it. She told one nurse who did this “I’m not your Grandma!” They stopped then.

SophieJo · 13/02/2026 19:45

Calliopespa · 04/10/2025 20:48

When did the world get so full of people who are so easily offended?

Unfortunately it seems there are a lot. I spent 2 weeks in hospital and was more bothered about the care I received, which was wonderful I might add, than what they called me!

DogsandFlowers · 13/02/2026 19:37

Nooooo not the asthma review 🤣🤣
Here’s hoping it didn’t bring on any shortness of breath 😱

Original poster

KatyKopykat · 13/02/2026 19:26

TheGreatWesternShrew · 13/02/2026 18:52

@KatyKopykatthe physio and your doctors know your name and are representing a respected profession. The barista and petrol station lady don’t know or have any need to know your name. They also don’t have need to build a trusting relationship with you.

Yes I thought that after I'd posted.

OP posts:

TheGreatWesternShrew · 13/02/2026 18:52

@KatyKopykatthe physio and your doctors know your name and are representing a respected profession. The barista and petrol station lady don’t know or have any need to know your name. They also don’t have need to build a trusting relationship with you.

Clarabell77 · 13/02/2026 18:30

NoBinturongsHereMate · 29/01/2026 16:34

It's funny, isn't it, how doctors manage to get through the day without calling anyone unwanted pet names yet it's an unreasonable expectation of a nurse or HCA?

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It’s not really funny. It’s simply because doctors have less need to build a rapport with patients.

🙄

Clarabell77 · 13/02/2026 18:23

Avantiagain · 30/01/2026 11:19

It wouldn't bother me if coming from a nurse or HCA and done when in 'caring' situation.
DH was in A and E overnight and overheard a nurse shouting at an elderly patient who seemed to have dementia and wasn't complying with something. I think that is a far bigger issue. I have a profoundly disabled adult son and I know that sometimes caring can be difficult but there is no excuse for bellowing at someone vulnerable.

Exactly!

Some people really need to get a life.

Blueuggboots · 13/02/2026 18:23

I work with offenders and often call them love, dear, darling, sweetheart, poppet. It’s called trying to build a rapport.

reversegear · 13/02/2026 18:22

Oh I like it, I can’t get annoyed with them they are doing a fab job.

Clarabell77 · 13/02/2026 18:21

KatyKopykat · 13/02/2026 18:09

This week I was:-

Called darling by a late 20s female barista in Nero
Called darling by a 20 something female barista in Marks and Spencer's cafe
Called darling by a middle aged woman in Sainsbury's petrol station
Called sweetheart by a nurse at my asthma review
Called darling by a 30-ish guy at a bar
Called Katy by a male physio, my female doctor and a female solicitor

What I wonder, makes the difference?

Edited

Some people are of a more friendly, informal disposition, I really don’t think it’s that deep.

Clarabell77 · 13/02/2026 18:20

Sub2Mumma · 04/10/2025 20:59

Absolutely and ‘are you mum / dad?’ No I’m the cats mother 🙄

Core memory unlocked though by this thread. When DD was born the number of folk who asked if she was ‘good’ irritated me no end. Always wanted to say ’well she isn’t mugging old ladies outside the coop’ 🤷‍♀️

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Not all guardians are the child’s mother though..

Original poster

KatyKopykat · 13/02/2026 18:09

This week I was:-

Called darling by a late 20s female barista in Nero
Called darling by a 20 something female barista in Marks and Spencer's cafe
Called darling by a middle aged woman in Sainsbury's petrol station
Called sweetheart by a nurse at my asthma review
Called darling by a 30-ish guy at a bar
Called Katy by a male physio, my female doctor and a female solicitor

What I wonder, makes the difference?

OP posts:

SilkAndSparklesForParties · 30/01/2026 12:15

Mama2many73 · 30/01/2026 10:55

'Are you mum/dad?' Is a VERY important question .

As a foster carer assuming I'm mum could be VERY upsetting to a child/young person who is already in a stressful situation.

Being able to say no I'm foster mum, allows staff to realise there's other stuff going and also that this child might have greater distress than an 'average' child in that situation.

There are also different lines of questioning when a foster parent takes a child to doctors/hospital.

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Yes, it is a very important question, but never phrased as "you mum?". That asks if I am able to speak not whether I am my child's mother. "Are you Imogen's/Jack's mum" is correct. "You mum?" conflates an adjective with a noun and could be inferred to be asking if the person is a mum rather than the mum of a specific person. Also, I never ever found it acceptable to be called "mum" by nursimg staff, I was not their mum.

Similarly when my mother, 89, was in hospital a couple of years ago, referring to "mum" in conversation with me was inappropriate. My mother is a human being and has a name, notwithstanding the fact that she is my mum and reference should have been to "your mum" not "mum".

Avantiagain · 30/01/2026 11:19

It wouldn't bother me if coming from a nurse or HCA and done when in 'caring' situation.
DH was in A and E overnight and overheard a nurse shouting at an elderly patient who seemed to have dementia and wasn't complying with something. I think that is a far bigger issue. I have a profoundly disabled adult son and I know that sometimes caring can be difficult but there is no excuse for bellowing at someone vulnerable.

Dontcallmescarface · 30/01/2026 11:04

The use of " we" in place of "you" bugs me as well. For example I was asked " and how are we feeling this morning?" during a recent hospital stay. Just no.

Mama2many73 · 30/01/2026 10:55

Sub2Mumma · 04/10/2025 20:59

Absolutely and ‘are you mum / dad?’ No I’m the cats mother 🙄

Core memory unlocked though by this thread. When DD was born the number of folk who asked if she was ‘good’ irritated me no end. Always wanted to say ’well she isn’t mugging old ladies outside the coop’ 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

'Are you mum/dad?' Is a VERY important question .

As a foster carer assuming I'm mum could be VERY upsetting to a child/young person who is already in a stressful situation.

Being able to say no I'm foster mum, allows staff to realise there's other stuff going and also that this child might have greater distress than an 'average' child in that situation.

There are also different lines of questioning when a foster parent takes a child to doctors/hospital.

NoBinturongsHereMate · 30/01/2026 10:51

I'm nobody's mama, and certainly not theirs.