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Original poster

AIBU to think this was an inappropriate use of benefits/child maintenance?

90 replies

ForRareKoala · 04/10/2025 18:09

My mother lived on benefits/child maintenance from high income ex from age 0-13 while I was a child and from what I can gather was receiving about £2.5k a month total (I calculated this just now though it was probably even more in the past). We lived in a paid off house bought by my father so no mortgage.

Despite this there was never enough heating, not enough food so we were underweight (not drastically, but noticeable enough for regular comments) and I didn't notice it but my sister pointed out we both had far worse clothes than most people.

I think most the money went into her private pension which allowed her to retire very early and on (admittedly small) luxuries for herself. Even just little things such as her having a deep bath everyday while we had a short shower every other day kind of sucked.

I've spoke about this with my aunt (closest relative) who says the money "wasn't just for us", but AIBU to think that with this this much coming in we should have had a childhood where we didn't have to worry about the absolute basics?

OP posts:
Pissedoffandneedtovent · 04/10/2025 18:31

Selfish cow! YANBU

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/10/2025 18:30

ForRareKoala · 04/10/2025 18:21

From what I can gather child maintenance doesn't affect benefits and DF was a high earner.

For 2 children in privately owned house with no mortgage in my childhood city I got UC £1419.09, council tax £146.12, child benefit £187.63 on the turn2us calculator.

Show quote history

It was deducted pound for pound from council tax benefits and everything over a fiver was taken from income support.

Chinsupmeloves · 04/10/2025 18:28

Most Mums would put their kids' welfare first so yes, sorry, she was being selfish.

Original poster
ForRareKoala · 04/10/2025 18:28

MajesticWhine · 04/10/2025 18:21

It does sound neglectful yes. Did your mum work or not? Saying that she could retire early suggests she did work. But saying she lived on benefits suggests she didn’t.

She got a job when I was about 13. From what I can gather, the benefits savings limit does not include private pensions so she paid money into this to stay under the limit.

OP posts:
Original poster
ForRareKoala · 04/10/2025 18:24

FuzzyWolf · 04/10/2025 18:17

How did she still receive benefits with that income? Are you sure none of it was spousal support?

Yes the lack of food was neglect. Lack of heating is subjective, as are clothes (as long as they fit and are clean, they don’t need to be new).

So your mum didn’t have a job and had two children to look after, so how was she supposed to have a pension?

As far as I can tell, child maintenance doesn't affect benefits entitlement. Maybe this is wrong but lots of websites seem to say the same thing

State pension or by getting a job?

OP posts:
Isitokthough · 04/10/2025 18:24

Depending on your age, your mother may have been in receipt of tax credits rather than Universal Credit which were MUCH more generous

MajesticWhine · 04/10/2025 18:21

It does sound neglectful yes. Did your mum work or not? Saying that she could retire early suggests she did work. But saying she lived on benefits suggests she didn’t.

Original poster
ForRareKoala · 04/10/2025 18:21

shellyleppard · 04/10/2025 18:15

@ForRareKoala if it was that much she wouldn't have got universal credit.....seems like a very high amount??

From what I can gather child maintenance doesn't affect benefits and DF was a high earner.

For 2 children in privately owned house with no mortgage in my childhood city I got UC £1419.09, council tax £146.12, child benefit £187.63 on the turn2us calculator.

OP posts:
FuzzyWolf · 04/10/2025 18:17

How did she still receive benefits with that income? Are you sure none of it was spousal support?

Yes the lack of food was neglect. Lack of heating is subjective, as are clothes (as long as they fit and are clean, they don’t need to be new).

So your mum didn’t have a job and had two children to look after, so how was she supposed to have a pension?

Petrolitis · 04/10/2025 18:17

I can relate.

I remember my mums fancy dresses and hairdos and my dads fags and boozev while we lived in second hand clothes and food often ran short.

shellyleppard · 04/10/2025 18:15

@ForRareKoala if it was that much she wouldn't have got universal credit.....seems like a very high amount??

MidnightPatrol · 04/10/2025 18:15

Yes, this was selfish of her.

Albeit as you see often from maintenance threads on here, some women do seem to regard maintenance as an income for themselves post-divorce, as they don’t have any intention of working.

zipadeedodah · 04/10/2025 18:14

Being underweight means you were neglected, yes.

Original poster
ForRareKoala · 04/10/2025 18:13

Just realised I've made a mistake. It was £2.75k a month if you include "council tax support" and child benefits in addition to universal credit. I think she was getting money from my grandfather as well.

OP posts:
LimeBasilandManderin · 04/10/2025 18:12

Your mother was selfish and neglected you