AIBU to think this was an inappropriate use of benefits/child maintenance?

I’m not saying you weren’t neglected, but lots of your info seems skewed against her. That amount sounds like a combination of spousal maintenance and child maintenance, spousal maintenance does affect benefits. Also ‘the house my father paid the mortgage of’ - well no, whilst they were together it was a joint contribution. Also so much maintenance suggests she did nearly all the parenting? And he left when you were babies? There seems to be quite a lot missing from your op which suggests your father isn’t exactly parent of the year either.

Child and spousal didn't affect child tax credits when they were introduced, but they were only paid for the child element. They were still deducted from the income support element . If ops mum was not working more than 16 hours she'd have been claiming child tax credits and income support.

I don’t think this is correct. Child and spousal maintenance did not affect tax credits so if op’s mum was not working and was claiming tax credits maintenance would not have been included. The tax credits would also have brought with it free school meals, milk vouchers, free prescriptions etc. The Tony Blair years were good years to be a single parent. There was sure start as well. How times change.

What are you trying to achieve with this thread? We only have your version of events and you were a child. I find it highly unlikely that your parents detailed to a young child exactly how much money they received, spent, earned, etc. And you have admitted you don’t know the full facts. And you clearly don’t understand how benefits were calculated back then, as others have pointed out.

But if your mother was a single parent and not working (because she was raising young children), how did you expect her to save for her old age? Do you begrudge her the money so that she can pay her bills? Are you looking for a refund from her because you don’t feel she spent enough on you and because she - heaven forbid - took long baths? Did your father not have anything to do with you (aside from sending money)? Because if he didn’t, he’s the real villain here, not your mother.

Maintenance did used to count as income toward benefits. Even if you didn't get it.

My father was due to pay my grandmother £64 a week in maintenance for me and my siblings. When she had to claim benefits after my grandad died they treated that £64 (the amount is burned in my brain) as income, despite the fact the CSA never got a single penny from him. It made for a very poor childhood.

Later the system changed to people on benefits being allowed to keep a small amount of maintenance and the rest being owed to the Sec of State to go toward the welfare bill. That changed when the amount owed to the SoS got ridiculously high and "something" had to be done. So they decided people could keep their maintenance and it wouldn't be counted as income because they knew so many didn't bloody pay

Did universal credit exist then??

You absolutely can't base this off a benefit calculation for the current day. Benefits increase in line with inflation so in 2010 it would be nothing like the amount you're seeing on a benefit calculator now.

In 2010, minimum wage was 5.93 and it's now 12.21. So you're probably talking about half of what today's benefits would be. Maintenance would also have been classed as income back then.

Yes I'm very sure. At the time I was working for income support as a benefit processor. The figures are also freely available on the government websites. Working tax credits were more generous than universal credit for people working, but as a single parent you had to work over 16 hours per week to qualify for that.

Did your mum have enough food and heating?

Why wasn't your dad around?

You can only put a v small amount into pensions from unearned income although that would have changed when she got a job. So wouldn’t have been massive, although could have been stocks and shares ISA maybe.

I don’t disagree that she was protecting her future a bit (as all women are regularly told to do) but it does sound v neglectful to not provide the basics from that

Where was your father when your mother was neglecting you? Why didn't he insist on residency so that you were well cared for? Why is your mother the only one being demonised?

I don't know your mother's situation or her side of the story, and neither do you, but I don't think she is solely responsible for the neglect you seem to have endured.

Yes, when I had to claim income support in 2005 they contacted my ex to get him to pay child maintenance so it could be deducted from my benefits.

I'd also been claiming child tax credits which I believe weren't affected by child maintenance, but they were quite a new benefit then.

Then it's possible that whoever has told you that your mother had these specific sums from these specific sources is trying to wond you up/ stir up trouble. You very specifically state how much universal credit she received, but universal credit didn't come in until 2013, and you're talking about the period between 1997 and 2010/11.

I understand why you think it’s about the high income. But it isn’t really.

Your mum is a neglectful and poor mother. I know plenty of women on tiny incomes, scraping by, whose children eat decent meals. Not feeding your children adequately, unless you’re starving, is dreadful.

How do you know the benefits money went into private pension? Could the pension not have been built up from her job, or family / inheritance?

The system that long ago was very different.

It was selfish and neglectful. The money was for you and your sister. Admittedly some should have gone on utilities and groceries for everyone but it clearly didn't.

This is the shit my DM pulled. Nothing came before her wants but she made out she was going without.

Op your understanding is wrong. Prior to 2010 child maintenance was treated as income for benefits. It's only under universal credit since 2010 that maintenance is ignored. So prior to that date all the maintenance your mum received was deducted from her income support or working tax credit, depending which she received.i think there was a small disregard of about £25 per week. So her income was much less than you're imagining. Income support rates for a single parent with two children in 2010 was a little over £200 per week / £800 per month. From that the child maintenance was deducted, so even adding on some child benefit and council tax allowance she had less than half what you think she had.

How old are you? How far in the past was this?

Chid maintenance doesn't count as income for benefits purposes