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Original poster

Noone picked up my daughter and school didn't ring.

582 replies

Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar · 04/10/2025 08:23

On Thursday my daughter was supposed to be picked up by my sister as my husband and I were both working. She finishes school at 3:20pm, she's 7 and is in year 3.

At 4pm I was on my break at work and called sister to ask how DD is.

Sister bloody FOROGT to pick her up and wasn't even in our home town. She was about an hour's drive away at her new boyfriends house.

In a panic I hung up on spluttering apologising sister and immediately rang school to find out what happened to DD. They just casually said "yeah, we've got her, she's in after school club"

At the time I was too busy arranging for someone else to pick up her with only 10 minutes left of my break and relieved she was safe to think much more on the fact that the scholl hadnt informed me so I just said thank you to the school and said someone would be there soon.

Would you complain to the school or at least mention it that noone rang me or DH to say she hadn't been picked up? If I hadn't rung sister I wouldn't have known, and what would have happened when noone arrived at 5pm when it closes?

They also charged me and I could have avoided this charge or at least got a lower charge if I'd got her picked up by 4pm.

OP posts:
Bemused89 · 04/10/2025 15:27

Just because not picking up your child isn't your normal doesn't mean it's not a very normal thing to have happen to staff at school. It happens all the time and schools try their best to make sure everyone is looked after. It's pretty standard practise to pop them into after-school club as we know things happen. Usually the parent arrives sputtering and apologising. Technically a child who is not picked up is considered abandoned and a safeguarding risk from a legal point of view. They have done you a favour in just looking after her, yes they could have called and it was probably an oversight that they didn't. They can technically call the police though and turn her over to social services. Please remember this before consider picking up the phone to complain. They did you a favour. Direct your anger where it needs to go at the sister who let you down not at the school who ensured she was safe and cared for.

Goldengirl123 · 04/10/2025 15:27

Why are you all saying noone?? No such word

sundaychairtree · 04/10/2025 15:26

So what are you going to complain about? The fact that no one was there to collect her at pick up time, or the fact that they kept her safe?
They discharged their responsibility to your dc. They do not have to provide a PA service for parents!

Biskieboo · 04/10/2025 15:23

CountryGirlInTheCity · 04/10/2025 09:30

It’s the fact you used the word ‘complain’ that has got everyone’s backs up to be honest. If you’d stuck with the word ‘mention’ you would probably have had different responses.

You say here ‘I just thought the lack of a phone call was odd’ as though people are over reacting to that but that’s not how your OP comes across. The fact is that your own arrangements for your daughter didn’t work out (through no fault of your own although maybe it could be argued that you could have phoned your sister to remind her) which led to the school having to find alternative arrangements for her. There would have been extra work involved there for someone and of course the extra admin side of that for the ASC. I’m sure no one at the school end minded doing any of that because they would have being trying to ensure that your daughter wasn’t feeling stressed by the fact she wasn’t picked up. At my school a phone call home would have been the norm, however it seems to have been overlooked here, which has potentially cost you a few extra pounds. And your response is to question whether you should complain about that. Can’t you see that this attitude of ‘school must do everything perfectly and according to my preferences or I will complain’ rather than appreciating all that they did and recognising that this whole event started with the arrangements that you had made is very wearying? Schools get people complaining about small things every single day and it just wears very thin after a while. And yes, after a while all of those little niggles, grumbles and complaints do add up and make you think ‘it’s just not worth the daily hassle I get whilst working my arse off trying to do the best for these children.’ I left three years ago.

A much better response would be ‘I am so sorry that DD wasn’t collected on time yesterday - I know that was extra work for you and I do appreciate you putting her in ASC so she had a lovely time. Please do call me anyway if it ever happens again so I can make alternative arrangements to get her collected.’

Show quote history

Well put. While it does seem a bit odd for the school not to call maybe it just wasn't top of anybody's priority list given that the child was perfectly happy and safe in the after school club that was due to run for a good while longer. No matter what the reason for the lack of a phone call for 40 minutes that is a fuck up that pales in comparison to a child not having been picked up in the first place, so the OP being the one to complain really would paint her as an unreasonable pain in the arse.

PoctorDepper · 04/10/2025 15:23

Wtf is with the responses on this thread? Of course the school should call a parent about an uncollected child. Are people genuinely thinking the school should just hang on to children until who-knows-when, unquestioningly? What a bizarre expectation.

DS's school sends uncollected children to the school office, and the staff contact parents by 3.30pm. Its happened a couple of times to me when DS has forgotten he's supposed to be at after school club. I actually cant believe some people think this is an unreasonable expectation. Do you all know what safeguarding is?

ChelseaBagger · 04/10/2025 15:19

Honestly - teachers can be incredibly busy. Lots of parents run 10-15 mins late (unfortunately). So the earliest they were likely to phone would have been 3.35-3.40. And then the after school supervisors would have busy looking after the children, and the classroom teacher might have been busy with a phone call/meeting relating to an incident earlier in the day etc etc.

I don't think it's awful that they hadn't contacted you before 4pm, especially if your daughter does use after school club sporadically. You could check their official policy (it might be that they aim to phone by 4.15 or by 4.30) but you can't reasonably expect them to change the policy just for you.

Teachers can sadly have many safeguarding concerns to follow up throughout a day. A child that is warm, safe and supervised is not a safeguarding priority from their point of view. Convenience and/or cost for you are not really the school's concern.

Differentforgirls · 04/10/2025 15:07

InDistrict12 · 04/10/2025 10:49

Might be the odd one out here but the school absolutely should have called you. I used to be a secondary school teacher and I’ve never worked in a school that didn’t ring after either 10/20 minutes after supposed pick up.

It’s actually very common for miscommunication to happen amongst family members and for a pick up to be messed up so don’t listen to the people talking about child abandonment etc. what a load of BS

Did you do an hour after school every day in the office? I have to say it's very unusual for a secondary pupil to be getting "picked up" and then go to the office if the person picking them up is 10 minutes late. Unless they have been texting and calling them for the 10 minutes and is worried.

PGmicstand · 04/10/2025 14:58

I do think school should have called, even if it was to say that the child hadn't been collected and that they'd find a place in the after-school club.
I wonder what would have happened if OP had not called her sister and thus was unaware that her DD was at the club. Presumably the school would then have called and asked about picking up, meaning that someone would have to wait around. Or would this have been referred to social services?

It was a very good decision on the part of the school, and it's a good policy to have, but it's put OP in a tricky financial position through no fault of her own. Her sister should pay for the club, as it was her oversight.

And yes, the school should be thanked for keeping the child safe. It would be worth OP looking at the school's policies on safeguarding and (if there are any) around pickup from school/lateness. Not alerting a parent to their child not being picked up doesn't quite sit right with the safeguarding standards, regardless of whether there is provision in place for such situations.

ChristmasFluff · 04/10/2025 14:57

Thing is, with the best will in the world, human error happens, and I bet that is what happened here.

One day my year 7 son was 30 minutes late home from school. I called school to see where he could be (club I'd forgotten?) and it turned out he was in the sick bay with a migraine (he is very ill when he has them), waiting for me to pick him up - but no-one had phoned me, and he'd basically been forgotten.

I mean, I could have complained, as someone somewhere had forgotten to call me and no-one else had realised - but what would be the point? They knew the protocol, but it was human error.

OP, once you called school, they will have known their mistake - but your daughter, like my son, was safe.

Differentforgirls · 04/10/2025 14:55

thismummyslife · 04/10/2025 10:22

Part of their procedure should be to ring parents who haven’t booked their child into after-school club and who have not picked their child up.

Surely the onus is on the parent to ring the school if they can't pick their child up?

PathOfLeastResitance · 04/10/2025 14:54

On my phone I couldn’t see the end of the title and thought it was going to say that school had phoned SS, not that they looked after your child by putting them in after school club. How very dare they. Want to be pissy with someone, be pissy with your sister.

Original poster
Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar · 04/10/2025 14:53

Bobiverse · 04/10/2025 14:02

What did your mum have to say about it all? I’d hope she has gone through your sister for doing this.

Your sister should have turned up today with flowers and a proper apology and a chat about her behaviour/promises to do better and then just not bothering. She needs to actually own what she has done and talk to you about it.

Show quote history

I've heard nothing from my sister since Thursday. I don't know if mum said anything to her.
After I hung up, sister sent me a grovelling apologetic voice note saying she is a shit person and a shit Auntie but tbh it was a big too self pitying for my liking.
I couldn't text back immediately as I was at work but I sent a message back a bit later saying I felt really let down by her, that DD had got out of bed that morning excited to see her and would be upset, that DH was angry, and it wasn't fair on mum. She texted back that these were all valid points and she would make it up to us. Nothing since. She could have maybe offered to take her out this weekend or something or even asked to speak to her on the phone but nada.

OP posts:
Snugglemonkey · 04/10/2025 14:53

Are you seriously annoyed that they charged you? The could have phoned SS.

gottalottodo · 04/10/2025 14:52

The school kept your child safe for you! You should be thanking them!

Differentforgirls · 04/10/2025 14:50

Pregnantgrumps · 04/10/2025 10:13

So many people completely missing the point.

The OP can firmly place the blame for this scenario on her sister forgetting AND be concerned at the lack of call from the school to inform her. That doesn’t mean she blames the school for her sister not picking the child up.

They should be calling. What if you or your DP ever had an accident and that was why you didn’t collect your child? That kind of thing could happen to anyone and is completely out of your control.

If they were in an accident, they may not have been able to answer their phones.

angelfacecuti75 · 04/10/2025 14:49

You should be grateful they didn't ring Social services because you abandoned your child. Even when a child is not in your "possession ' for want of a better phrase, if you leave them with someone and they are unsafe for some reason guess who's legally responsible...you .
So use the after school club from now on and don't leave them in the care of your sis anymore .

cinnamonbunlover · 04/10/2025 14:49

OnlySeptember · 04/10/2025 08:29

Complain? I think you should be taking in chocolates and apologising!

I agree 100%

Jok77 · 04/10/2025 14:46

Notquitethetruth · 04/10/2025 08:34

You should be angry with your sister. I assume the school would have contacted you in due course. You having to pay extra wasn't on their radar as they were prioritising the needs of the children they care for which is something your sister failed to do for your daughter. Be grateful your daughter had a safe space to go to.

I work in a primary school. Our policy is the same- if a child isn't collected at home time, they go into wrap around care (After School Club) and the parent is billed. We would ring the parents if they're not collected at 5pm.

silverstorm101 · 04/10/2025 14:46

I work in an after school club, some parents simply forget to book them in on the app so if they normally attend we would take them and then contact parents at their normal collection time.
Forgetting to book them an after school club place is much more common than a child not being collected due to someone forgetting. Or a parent being stuck in traffic and running late.

Your anger at the school is unjustified, they kept your child safe! You should be thankful they have that available.

redjeans28 · 04/10/2025 14:45

Would you complain to the school or at least mention it that noone rang me or DH to say she hadn't been picked up?

I've been on Mumsnet for years and the above comment from the OP is by far the most entitled post I've ever read on here. To berate the very people who were there to bail you out from an emergency and keep your child safe is just so so ungrateful it beggars belief. You should have been thanking them profusely OP. How the hell did we get to this sort of behaviour?

Fuzzypinetree · 04/10/2025 14:37

It's the policy at my school to send children to after school club if they haven't been collected by 4pm. They would ring parents, if there's still nobody there by 6pm when it closes. That's made clear from the start, though.
We are an independent school and some of our kids come from 20 miles away. It can happen that parents gets stuck in traffic or that someone is late returning from a work trip or whatever.
You should be annoyed with your sister and she should pay the after school club session.

Poodlelove · 04/10/2025 14:35

Do not complain the school had your daughter safe.
If you hadn't collected her at 5pm then the school would have phoned you and 2 members of staff would have had to stay with her until she was collected,and that would have added to their already stressful day and probably would not have got paid , and a concern for welfare raised by the school on her file.
I would have phoned your sister the night before to make sure that she was collecting.
I wouldn't ask her again.

Evaka · 04/10/2025 14:33

Linenpickle · 04/10/2025 08:25

You want to complain to the school for looking after your child as she was forgotten by her own family…. Really??

Exactly. Wtaf

phoenixrosehere · 04/10/2025 14:31

Kreepture · 04/10/2025 13:45

Last i checked when i worked in a school it was the admin/receptionists that did the phoning of parents when children weren't picked up, not the teachers.

Quite frankly, the reception team should have phoned OP to let her know her DD was in the AS club.

The hyperbole from some posters is bloody ridiculous.

Agree. That’s what they do at my children’s schools.

Think it is a bit off not to inform the parents that their child was still at school even if they were meant to be picked up by someone that isn’t a parent.

I would think it be a ridiculous to not inform them yet call SS. Mix-ups happen and so do accidents. My own mother was in a car accident only a mile or two away from collecting me from school and it was my father who had to pick me up. She was lucky that her injuries were minor enough that she could considering her car had been completely wrecked from an almost head-on collision and she had been knocked into a ditch.

clipboardz · 04/10/2025 14:29

Mn is getting worse for inventing scenarios and hyperbole and people not understanding two things can be true,
Op can be angry at her sister and concerned about the policy in regards to late collection.

this