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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to tell team members to forfeit their breaks

217 replies

Suedesofblue · 03/10/2025 22:12

Team member 1: came unprepared to meeting and needed to use one of my pens. Unprofessional. She is being groomed for a role in another office where manager would definitely make her forfeit her breaks for that, so it’s important she learns now.

Team member 2: Left annotated document at home which means I have to fit it in tomorrow instead of today. It is only five minutes of work, but again that’s not the point. They should have remembered.

Team member 3: Briefing team and a team member takes his suit jacket off in the middle of it, which meant I had no choice but to disrupt the meeting for everyone in order to apprehend him.

OP posts:
Gruffporcupine · 04/10/2025 07:32

I'm sure your DC are beautifully behaved...

SprayWhiteDung · 04/10/2025 07:31

I also don't understand why the rules about silly little things are considerably more draconian for children who have no choice but to be there than for adults who are paid to be there and who are free to hand in their notice and leave shortly after whenever they want to.

MaryBeardsShoes · 04/10/2025 07:30

SprayWhiteDung · 04/10/2025 07:27

Fair enough if people don't personally like it, but as a comparative device to make you stop and think, I don't understand why it's automatically dismissed as somehow stupid, boring or irrelevant to draw attention to two similar or equivalent situations where one is accepted as normal but the other certainly wouldn't be.

Just as long as the point isn't laboured endlessly and is declared quickly if people don't get it soon.

Like the 'cup of tea' illustration for consent: it clearly gets the message across by making you think "eh?' to start with, but then the penny drops - if you say "that's silly, because drinking a cup of tea is not the same thing as having sex", you've kind of missed the whole point.

But these aren’t comparable situations.

MaryBeardsShoes · 04/10/2025 07:30

Merryoldgoat · 03/10/2025 22:14

Obviously the point you’re making is about punitive school punishments. I agree with you that schools have become like prisons and I detest it.

Nonsense! Discipline your kids and everywhere would be much more pleasant.

SprayWhiteDung · 04/10/2025 07:27

Fair enough if people don't personally like it, but as a comparative device to make you stop and think, I don't understand why it's automatically dismissed as somehow stupid, boring or irrelevant to draw attention to two similar or equivalent situations where one is accepted as normal but the other certainly wouldn't be.

Just as long as the point isn't laboured endlessly and is declared quickly if people don't get it soon.

Like the 'cup of tea' illustration for consent: it clearly gets the message across by making you think "eh?' to start with, but then the penny drops - if you say "that's silly, because drinking a cup of tea is not the same thing as having sex", you've kind of missed the whole point.

oldFoolMe · 04/10/2025 07:22

Yes if you want to build a workplace that hates you ! I implore you to read mulitpliers and to take this approach ! You won't regret it.

SprayWhiteDung · 04/10/2025 07:18

I agree with you, OP: whilst some negative behaviours at schools obviously do need to be addressed and punished appropriately, and also appropriately for the age of the child, there's a whole load of other stuff that is ridiculous: punishment by a thousand cuts.

Swearing at the teacher, bullying and violently assaulting classmates, being deliberately disruptive etc. - there clearly need to be consequences that stop such behaviour.

Forgetting a pen, taking off a coat when it's very hot, needing to go to the toilet suddenly... why are these actually punished in the name of 'discipline'? It's school, not the army.

Why can a 40yo woman with a period emergency in the workplace freely go to the toilet to deal with it when she needs to; yet a young girl who has only just started them and is still trying to learn how to cope with big scary changes to her body is flatly denied - or possibly allowed eventually, but only after she's been forced to beg and disclose private information and forfeit her own personal dignity to be allowed to do so?

Catsknowbest · 04/10/2025 07:07

JLou08 · 03/10/2025 22:51

Yes, be an over punitive boss. Make them all anxious by punishing every little mistake. Then when there is a MH crisis amongst employees and they struggle to come into work and struggle regulating their emotions blame it all on bad parenting rather than recognising that it is the workplace that caused the issues.

Well said. We have exactly this at my workplace atm. One manager who I'm thankful has no jurisdiction over me has caused a rash of LT sickness.

Catsknowbest · 04/10/2025 07:06

Not unless you want to break the law. Very strange post. Are you thinking of corporal punishment as well......?

SprayWhiteDung · 04/10/2025 07:06

Marianne54 · 03/10/2025 22:28

Are you trying to be clever? Really, you sound like a twat. Stop digging yourself a hole and think of an excuse for mn to delete this thread.

That's a very good additional point that you're highlighting well there: bullying in any half-decent workplace is stamped right down on; whereas in schools (and also very often on MN), people who are subjected to it are routinely ignored, ridiculed, victim-blamed and told that it's all in their heads.

theclive · 04/10/2025 07:05

Yep. Absolutely sick to death of my son's school’s punitive approach. It's crushing him.

cariadlet · 04/10/2025 07:02

I wish people would just bloody say what they mean.

I'm autistic and took the post literally (I wondered whether the op was on a wind up or just a weird boss but didn't realise it was supposed to be about school punishments until other posters pointed it out).

Now I'm going to get a Mumsnet email telling me that the results are in for a poll in wish I hadn't bothered voting. 🙄

C4tintherug · 04/10/2025 07:00

Suedesofblue · 04/10/2025 00:55

Well, clearly if my team were behaving like that, I could have a few choices e.g.

Address the genuinely disruptive behaviour and stop worrying about the things mentioned in my posts. I’d also have a word with them separately to ascertain whether it was mainly in my meetings they behaved like that, and if so, why. If not, why. I may/may not get a satisfactory response.

Take time to address that behaviour AND make sure I still focus on the things mentioned in my posts

Ignore that behaviour and ignore the things mentioned in my posts

Keep focusing purely on the things mentioned in my posts and ignore the other behaviour

The weeing on the floor is unlikely to happen. Instead, I suspect that the team member may sit in the meeting not taking much in as he is distracted by the urge to go to the toilet (I’m ok with that, it’s the principle I’m worried about more than value). Alternatively, I suppose they could just decide to leave the room and go to the toilet anyway (in which case they can be sent out of the room for insolence when they come back). In the unlikely event that they did wet themselves, the meeting will be disrupted again, but they will be bullied which will teach them more resilience. Whilst not perfect, those scenarios are clearly better than a quick nod if they ask to go to the toilet (which of course would lead to absolute chaos).

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I had never thought of addressing the genuinely disruptive behaviour. Thanks for that. How should I address it?

oh fyi the employee cannot be fired.

MrsVinceVega · 04/10/2025 06:52

Yawn

rwalker · 04/10/2025 06:46

Your comparing apples and oranges
school breaks are a perk working breaks are legal requirement after 6 continuous hours or there unpaid so it’s effectively your own time so they can’t make you forfeit it

actions have consequences I would have no problem with my child missing there break due to the issues you pointed out
because I wouldn’t want my child to be an entitled brat who thought they were beyond being disciplined at school and have some respect

spoonbillstretford · 04/10/2025 05:49

LNEAX · 03/10/2025 22:27

What line of work is this? You sound incredibly stressed and are taking it out on your team. Of course people need breaks at work and occasionally forget things etc. If this is just a drop in the puddle then manage that separately but id avoid making it a toxic place to work or being ‘that’ kind of manager who no one listens to because they’re seen as nitpicking/OTT.

Totally agree. Then don't do it to kids at school.

BlueSeagull · 04/10/2025 05:43

MargaretThursday · 04/10/2025 00:55

I don't know why people think they're being clever writing as though work is school.

If at work you turned up unprepared for meetings, then I expect you would be reprimanded. If it happened regularly you might end up losing your job. You wouldn't lose your morning break because you don't have one.

And plenty of jobs require uniform, mine doesn't, but I'm sure if I turned up in a skirt as short as the local school children seem to think reasonable, then my line manager would also be having a word.

You may think that it's ever so clever not to bother with silly little rules like being ready to start lessons with the equipment you know you should have, but how annoying for the children who want to learn when half the lesson is taken up with things like that every lesson.
What is wrong with schools is that too many children are going, supported by parents, with the idea that education doesn't matter for them And ignoring rules is to be applauded.

And if you want to pretend that school and workplaces should be the same then note that work typically gets around 5 weeks of Holiday as opposed to 13, a full time job is 9am-5pm as opposed to 8.30-3pm, with often far less responsibility. They're also not going to be let go after 6 months because they were turning up to meetings unprepared and refusing to wear the uniform correctly.

This!
Some children seem to think they can do what they want in school and unfortunately parents seem to back them.

Walkden · 04/10/2025 03:28

"Whilst not perfect, those scenarios are clearly better than a quick nod if they ask to go to the toilet (which of course would lead to absolute chaos)."

Too true. Especially if in your workplace you could find that that simple nod led to

  1. Your staff member stuffing kit kat wrappers etc. down the toilet and sinks flooding the nearby corridor so the other 1000 staff weren't able to use it for the rest of the day

  2. ripping the sinks and cubicle doors off again putting the facilities out of use for the hundreds of people that would use them

  3. cut their wrists open in a cubicle.

  4. Actually be meeting up with a colleague for a sexual liaison

5)Actually be meeting up with a colleague to take or sell illicit substances.

Walkden · 04/10/2025 03:15

"Any out there know how one gets a pen to exploded because they do it multiple times a day and ink gets everywhere"

They pull the nib part out of the biro, then smear the ink over their hands.

WilfredsPies · 04/10/2025 03:11

What are you hoping to achieve with such a post? We all know that some schools operate entirely irrationally and in a way that would never happen in the real world. I’m old enough to remember when kids getting a wallop from a teacher was not an unusual occurrence, girls weren’t allowed to wear trousers unless it was snowing and you had to stand up when another teacher entered the room. The concept of using the loo outside of break or lunch time was absolutely unheard of. Funnily enough, we all managed not to wet ourselves because we knew that we had to go then or wait another two hours.

We also know that some of the kids in each school year are feral and wouldn’t last two minutes in a corporate workplace, irrespective of whether they were willing to be there or not. A lot of these rules are about containment of the masses and not what’s best for your little angel. And that won’t change because the cat is out of the bag now and some children firmly believe that freedom from getting a wallop from a teacher means that they don’t have to do anything else that they’re told to do either.

Meadowfinch · 04/10/2025 02:54

MigGirl · 04/10/2025 01:09

I'm not heartbroken that they get to use equipment if they need it. It's very upsetting however that they get given a brand new pen and then 20 minutes into the leason It's in peaces on the floor, or they have smashed the calculator screen so it's no longer useable. Or they walk off with small bits of science equipment, which another class needed next leason.

Money then has to be spent on buying more equipment so students can still learn. This is a total waste of our very restricted budgets. Which have been shrinking every year.

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leason ! peaces?

Perhaps education is not your ideal career path.

Clonakilla · 04/10/2025 02:47

As a girl I wasn’t allowed to wear a bracelet/bangle or wear my hair down to school. I had to wear a uniform every day. Couldn’t wear a jumper or cardigan over my uniform. Had to wear closed in shoes. Couldn’t wear nail varnish. Couldn’t carry water around with me, couldn’t go to the toilet whenever I pleased, couldn’t eat outside of one particular area.

I’m an ICU Dr now. The rules haven’t changed!

Oh - and don’t tend to get a break either!

Meadowfinch · 04/10/2025 01:42

Whether you are referring to a school or to a work place, I think you would be best working in a team of one OP. Leave the rest of us to enjoy breathing and creating and learning, and winning customers in a generally relaxed (and successful) way.

Who wants to live in a stranglehold? Your world must be full of stressed and miserable people.

SunnyKoala · 04/10/2025 01:20

MigGirl · 03/10/2025 22:19

Totally this and as we've seen at our school the more you give the more they take.

I am absolutely appalled at how they distroy, pens, rulers and our expensive science equipment, calculators that they have borrowed and anything else some of them get their hands on. The amount of budget we waste providing pens and other equipment for them to just to distory it is heart breaking.

Any out there know how one gets a pen to exploded because they do it multiple times a day and ink gets everywhere.

Our school isn't even that bad, we are a very middle class area.

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Exactly this. You try controlling 30+ kids whose mission in life is to push boundaries and then get back to me.

MigGirl · 04/10/2025 01:09

Spookyspaghetti · 04/10/2025 00:19

Your heartbroken that resources bought for kids to use actually get used… We’ll it is 19 minutes into Saturday in Mumsnet land!

Edited
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I'm not heartbroken that they get to use equipment if they need it. It's very upsetting however that they get given a brand new pen and then 20 minutes into the leason It's in peaces on the floor, or they have smashed the calculator screen so it's no longer useable. Or they walk off with small bits of science equipment, which another class needed next leason.

Money then has to be spent on buying more equipment so students can still learn. This is a total waste of our very restricted budgets. Which have been shrinking every year.