Page 4 | AIBU to tell team members to forfeit their breaks

RhaenysRocks · 04/10/2025 09:45

SprayWhiteDung · 04/10/2025 07:18

I agree with you, OP: whilst some negative behaviours at schools obviously do need to be addressed and punished appropriately, and also appropriately for the age of the child, there's a whole load of other stuff that is ridiculous: punishment by a thousand cuts.

Swearing at the teacher, bullying and violently assaulting classmates, being deliberately disruptive etc. - there clearly need to be consequences that stop such behaviour.

Forgetting a pen, taking off a coat when it's very hot, needing to go to the toilet suddenly... why are these actually punished in the name of 'discipline'? It's school, not the army.

Why can a 40yo woman with a period emergency in the workplace freely go to the toilet to deal with it when she needs to; yet a young girl who has only just started them and is still trying to learn how to cope with big scary changes to her body is flatly denied - or possibly allowed eventually, but only after she's been forced to beg and disclose private information and forfeit her own personal dignity to be allowed to do so?

Simply, because in many schools, "going to the toilet" is code for getting out of as much teaching time as possible, meeting up with mates to at best waste time and at worst vandalise something so it's unavailable for anyone else. It's something that as a secondary teacher I have to use my judgement on on a case by case basis but it's not a given to just say yes.

SoOriginal · 04/10/2025 09:42

JunoYouKnow · 04/10/2025 09:32

Please, please go and get a job as a teacher in a normal secondary school. See how you feel about your posts after the first half term.

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My eyes have been opened on this thread. By both sides of the argument.

Out of interest, is it like this in all schools? Private, outstanding and Grammars too? Or just challenged schools?

I don’t remember it being like this when I was a secondary school in 2005, must have changed significantly

ConcernedOfClapham · 04/10/2025 09:33

Suedesofblue · 03/10/2025 22:12

Team member 1: came unprepared to meeting and needed to use one of my pens. Unprofessional. She is being groomed for a role in another office where manager would definitely make her forfeit her breaks for that, so it’s important she learns now.

Team member 2: Left annotated document at home which means I have to fit it in tomorrow instead of today. It is only five minutes of work, but again that’s not the point. They should have remembered.

Team member 3: Briefing team and a team member takes his suit jacket off in the middle of it, which meant I had no choice but to disrupt the meeting for everyone in order to apprehend him.

‘Apprehend’ 😳

Do you, perhaps, mean ‘reprimand’? 🤔

See me after the thread. 😤

Letsbe · 04/10/2025 09:33

Why apprehend do you mean reprimand?

JunoYouKnow · 04/10/2025 09:32

Suedesofblue · 04/10/2025 00:55

Well, clearly if my team were behaving like that, I could have a few choices e.g.

Address the genuinely disruptive behaviour and stop worrying about the things mentioned in my posts. I’d also have a word with them separately to ascertain whether it was mainly in my meetings they behaved like that, and if so, why. If not, why. I may/may not get a satisfactory response.

Take time to address that behaviour AND make sure I still focus on the things mentioned in my posts

Ignore that behaviour and ignore the things mentioned in my posts

Keep focusing purely on the things mentioned in my posts and ignore the other behaviour

The weeing on the floor is unlikely to happen. Instead, I suspect that the team member may sit in the meeting not taking much in as he is distracted by the urge to go to the toilet (I’m ok with that, it’s the principle I’m worried about more than value). Alternatively, I suppose they could just decide to leave the room and go to the toilet anyway (in which case they can be sent out of the room for insolence when they come back). In the unlikely event that they did wet themselves, the meeting will be disrupted again, but they will be bullied which will teach them more resilience. Whilst not perfect, those scenarios are clearly better than a quick nod if they ask to go to the toilet (which of course would lead to absolute chaos).

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Please, please go and get a job as a teacher in a normal secondary school. See how you feel about your posts after the first half term.

RhaenysRocks · 04/10/2025 09:28

cardibach · 03/10/2025 22:21

No it’s not. It’s about getting them through their education. Education isn’t a preparation for work. That’s training.

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But schools are meant to prepare them for every single aspect of life now supposedly, from academic to finance management to personal hygiene, relationships, law, politics..... I'm a teacher. Id love to only walk into my classroom, teach the academics and leave but at least half my job now is other stuff.

Gwenhwyfar · 04/10/2025 09:27

"bullying in any half-decent workplace is stamped right down on"

Never seen it. When the bully is higher up it is usually allowed unless there are way too many victims. I've also seen them turn it on the victims and get away with it.

Sunsetswimming · 04/10/2025 09:27

With all due respect, managing a team of adults in the workplace is nothing like managing a class of 30+ children. If sanctions weren’t put in place then no one would do homework, bring in a pen etc. It may seem ridiculous to apply these sanctions in isolated incidents but if rules were inconsistently applied, children and parents would be upset with that too.
But if you feel you can do a better job feel free to join the sector! There is a teaching recruitment and retainment crisis after all

metellaestinatrio · 04/10/2025 09:27

Suedesofblue · 03/10/2025 23:27

Let’s move on from missing breaks.

Team member 4: picked up a virus from team member 5 and ended up in hospital earlier in the year. Obviously team member 4 can’t go on the away day next month as he took time off when ill. Same for team member 6 who took time off for a bereavement.

Team member 7: Very conscientious. He is starting to get anxious over making mistakes due to our motivational board, where we write names of people who have made errors like forgetting a pen to motivate them to do better.

Team member 8: He needed to go toilet two hours after last going. Cheek of it - he hadn’t even applied to HR for a toilet pass.

But in the workplace people are subject to disciplinary action for persistent short-term absence (employment lawyer here), so in this respect at least schools are consistent.

It would also be frowned on if someone was absenting themself from a one hour meeting for a loo break, absent medical conditions - adults are expected to wait until an appropriate point to use the loo. Adults also do not generally spend their time in the loo vaping, bullying teammates or defacing company property - if they did, they would again be subject to disciplinary action.

Gwenhwyfar · 04/10/2025 09:24

3pears · 03/10/2025 22:47

i think you make your point well. It’s ridiculous that children have to lose their break time for things such as taking off their blazer. Absolutely insane really. it just shows how insane when you imagine similar reactions in the workplace!

If your job has a uniform you also get into trouble for not wearing it, or wearing it properly.

Whichhandbag · 04/10/2025 09:23

MigGirl · 03/10/2025 22:19

Totally this and as we've seen at our school the more you give the more they take.

I am absolutely appalled at how they distroy, pens, rulers and our expensive science equipment, calculators that they have borrowed and anything else some of them get their hands on. The amount of budget we waste providing pens and other equipment for them to just to distory it is heart breaking.

Any out there know how one gets a pen to exploded because they do it multiple times a day and ink gets everywhere.

Our school isn't even that bad, we are a very middle class area.

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My god, I hope you're not a teacher?! Distroy?!

UnintentionalArcher · 04/10/2025 09:14

Walkden · 04/10/2025 03:28

"Whilst not perfect, those scenarios are clearly better than a quick nod if they ask to go to the toilet (which of course would lead to absolute chaos)."

Too true. Especially if in your workplace you could find that that simple nod led to

Your staff member stuffing kit kat wrappers etc. down the toilet and sinks flooding the nearby corridor so the other 1000 staff weren't able to use it for the rest of the day
ripping the sinks and cubicle doors off again putting the facilities out of use for the hundreds of people that would use them
cut their wrists open in a cubicle.
Actually be meeting up with a colleague for a sexual liaison

5)Actually be meeting up with a colleague to take or sell illicit substances.

Yes. Very sad scenarios but all true. People who don’t work in/run schools are often not aware of these realities.

Toofficeornot · 04/10/2025 09:10

Your team sound like incompetant imbjociles with an unhinged dictator for a boss.
So assuming you are talking about school, this sounds about right 😂

chosenone · 04/10/2025 09:10

I wish parents could sign a waiver that said.

I hereby grant my child permission to wear what they want and do what they want during the school day. If they want to vape, scroll TikTok or get fingered in the school loos that’s fine. I do not want teachers to apprehend them for anything and I understand this may affect my child’s outcomes and safety and I won’t complain at all.

signed …. Caring ineffectual parent

We could ignore the chaos of those kids and concentrate our time and efforts on the parents that want structure, safety and an education.

MigGirl · 04/10/2025 09:08

hopspot · 04/10/2025 08:13

I’m not sure what you mean.

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Comprehension is not the same as spelling you know. I'm actually quite intelligent as have a degree in physics. Doesn't mean I can see words that are spelt wrong by autocorrect. I'm very word blind and have never been able to pick out the correct spelling from word lists. Spell checker is rubbish for me. I often get colleagues to proof read important documents. But everyone I work with knows and understands if I don't get it right.
It's annoying that people on here constantly pick at these things you've no idea why people don't get words right 100% of the time.

Sorry @hopspot that was actually meant for @PollyBell

Pennyplant19 · 04/10/2025 08:57

RaininSummer · 03/10/2025 22:23

What an odd thread. I was very confused until people made it clear you were trying to clever about school children.

Thought it was just me!

CeciliaMars · 04/10/2025 08:47

This sounds like an utterly horrible place to work.

Jellycatspyjamas · 04/10/2025 08:43

Hohumhuee · 04/10/2025 08:34

If my students behaviour is disrupting the learning of other students then yes they will miss some break time so they can spend it with me to discuss their behaviour, its impact and have time to reflect. This opportunity can only be facilitated during break as outside of those times I am teaching and they are being provided with the opportunity to learn, along side all the other students.
if they don’t want to spend their break time with me the obvious answer is don’t disturb others learning - that and no swearing and I don’t appologise for it. Sometimes, the root of the behaviour is something they need support with, they are much more likely to tell me about this in a quiet 1-2-1 chat. I make absolutely no apology for the fact that sometimes my students spend part of their breaks in my company addressing these issues. Funnily enough, when we’ve asked them what they think the consequences for different behaviours should be their ideas were far more draconian!

Indeed, my DS proclaimed the other day he thought corporal punishment should be brought back. They’d been learning about how children’s rights have developed over the years and his teacher spoke about how discipline used to include physical punishment, my DS said he thought being able to hit kids would at least give them something to make them behave. For the record my child has never been hit in his entire life but is fed up with nonsense behaviours from his peers.

Hohumhuee · 04/10/2025 08:34

If my students behaviour is disrupting the learning of other students then yes they will miss some break time so they can spend it with me to discuss their behaviour, its impact and have time to reflect. This opportunity can only be facilitated during break as outside of those times I am teaching and they are being provided with the opportunity to learn, along side all the other students.
if they don’t want to spend their break time with me the obvious answer is don’t disturb others learning - that and no swearing and I don’t appologise for it. Sometimes, the root of the behaviour is something they need support with, they are much more likely to tell me about this in a quiet 1-2-1 chat. I make absolutely no apology for the fact that sometimes my students spend part of their breaks in my company addressing these issues. Funnily enough, when we’ve asked them what they think the consequences for different behaviours should be their ideas were far more draconian!

OwlIceCrem · 04/10/2025 08:32

Suedesofblue · 04/10/2025 00:55

Well, clearly if my team were behaving like that, I could have a few choices e.g.

Address the genuinely disruptive behaviour and stop worrying about the things mentioned in my posts. I’d also have a word with them separately to ascertain whether it was mainly in my meetings they behaved like that, and if so, why. If not, why. I may/may not get a satisfactory response.

Take time to address that behaviour AND make sure I still focus on the things mentioned in my posts

Ignore that behaviour and ignore the things mentioned in my posts

Keep focusing purely on the things mentioned in my posts and ignore the other behaviour

The weeing on the floor is unlikely to happen. Instead, I suspect that the team member may sit in the meeting not taking much in as he is distracted by the urge to go to the toilet (I’m ok with that, it’s the principle I’m worried about more than value). Alternatively, I suppose they could just decide to leave the room and go to the toilet anyway (in which case they can be sent out of the room for insolence when they come back). In the unlikely event that they did wet themselves, the meeting will be disrupted again, but they will be bullied which will teach them more resilience. Whilst not perfect, those scenarios are clearly better than a quick nod if they ask to go to the toilet (which of course would lead to absolute chaos).

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You are clearly not a teacher because all of this is batshit. I can’t even be arsed to explain why.

Onelifeonly · 04/10/2025 08:32

I'm not into overly strict punishments but schools need rules. Teenagers are not adults. Teens are obliged to go to school, have to be around many other people their age all day long, may lack the motivation for various subjects and activities and don't care too much about other people's points of view. A few can cause considerable trouble for the majority.

A workplace is completely different. The people there have a lot more maturity, are motivated at the very least by the idea of earning money, can be sacked if they behave badly or don't do the job sufficiently well. They also have choices about what kind of job, workplace and even whether they work at all. Generally they understand their actions or lack of affect others.

If children were like adults, they wouldn't need to go to school.

Neemie · 04/10/2025 08:29

You could treat school children like adults in the work place. A lot of them would get sacked though for violent, aggressive or rude behaviour. There would also be a lot of them who were not performing at the required level and have to leave. Those who were persistently late or had unauthorised absences would have to go as well. It might be rather tough on the children.

JaneyDC · 04/10/2025 08:24

You'll be the first one to moan when your child isn't getting a good enough education because the class are too wild to listen, contribute and learn respectfully. If you don't like the school policy, move your child. But be warned, if the school aren't on top of behaviour expectations, your child will suffer the consequences of a poorly managed classroom. 🙄

I am a former teacher as of this month. Thank fuck.

hopspot · 04/10/2025 08:13

PollyBell · 04/10/2025 08:11

Yet managed the riddle op?

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I’m not sure what you mean.

PollyBell · 04/10/2025 08:11

hopspot · 04/10/2025 08:07

This poster has explained that they are severely dyslexic and also not a teacher.

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Yet managed the riddle op?