AIBU for pressuring my son to apply to unis close to home?

No, not for two people who have a household income of £90k and who aren’t financially struggling.

Hi OP . Could your son take a gap year to save up for uni? One of my DC recently graduated from Oxbridge (not in engineering) . Quite honestly it was an intense slog and to have had an hour's commute and miss out on the social life I think would have made it absolutely dismal. The same for other unis too IMO. Good luck with the choices ahead!

Seriously, there’s so many ignorant people on here.
Bigger families with 3/4children can absolutely not fund all their kids to go on a jolly piss up for 2/3years for the university experience! Even on 100k per year.
These families have bigger houses and mortgages and far more expenses than a family with one or two kids! These parents would probably be fully supportive of paying for tuition cost for all 3/4kids but they certainly wouldn’t be supportive of paying for their kids to have the so called university experience! Theres simply just no funds for that from an income of 100k

Yes, then you need to factor in train strikes/ delays/ cancellations. It all needs thinking and planning properly OP.

All the savings/funds might be prioritised for 3 or 4 children’s house deposits instead of “living the university experience”

In which case it might be sensible to ask them which they’d prefer.

£600 net PER MONTH is a huge amount extra to find.

@SassyBear2 if it will cause you financial hardship, then he has to understand this. He will have to get a job and the sooner the better, he can start saving. More and more young people are opting to study closer to home. You can still have a good experience, living at home.

Ffs why are you being so mean OP? Your poor son.

Let him enjoy his life. This is where it starts.

You sound like you only have one child!
People with multiple children that are on 90k a year cannot possibly fund all their kids to go socialise at university for the uni experience!
These families have bigger houses with bigger mortgages to accommodate for multiple children. They save on a monthly bases for these children throughout their lives, but funding multiple weekly piss-ups at their student accommodation isn’t seen as a priority worth saving for! There’s simply no funds for that.
All the savings/funds might be prioritised for 3 or 4 children’s house deposits instead of “living the university experience”

Haven’t read all the responses but this all seems a bit odd to me. The minimum loan is just under 5k. Living costs at Oxbridge are 12k maximum. On a combined income of 90k, you couldn’t manage topping up by about 7k over the course of a year? That’s less than £600 a month. I know that’s quite a lot extra to find each month, but unless your mortgage is astronomical it confuses me how that couldn’t come out of income each month.

Also bear in mind that at Oxbridge they are only there for half the year! If he manages to make a few grand over the course of the holidays, your outgoings for topping up will be less!

If my London based DC got into Oxbridge I'd do whatever I could to fund college accomodation costs

Fair point. Students who live in college accommodation aren't allowed cars as there is nowhere to park. He'd have to train or park and ride.

Apologies, I thought it was to OP.

Which you should top up

An hours commute for uni is horrendous. Let him live on site

OP please abandon this idea of your DS commuting, particularly if he gets into Oxbridge. As pp have said, it's NOT allowed. My DD, who's at Cambridge, had to get permission to come home for one night for an important family event (it was granted but it was made clear this should not happen again).

However, a few encouraging points:

1. Oxford and Cambridge have the lowest fees for accommodation, as you're only paying for term time (around 25 weeks a year) rather than all year. It's a bit of a faff moving out every eight weeks, but you can store most of your stuff at the college. 2). There's usually a range of accommodation, with the cheapest option being pretty nice. My DD went for the cheapest room at her college, and though she shares a bathroom and a kitchen with three other students, her room is big, there's a double bed, a desk and a lovely view.
   3). The universities and the individual colleges can be quite generous with bursaries. 4). If finances are an issue, this will affect the choice of college. Every individual college has a website, with clear pricing, so you can compare.

Good luck to your DS.

You are being totally unreasonable. Moving out and living in at uni is part of the experience of growing up and being independent. Let him make his own choices, you are undermining him. Back off.

My message was to @AllTheChaos who is concerned that their low income may mean their DD cannot go to uni at all. Not the OP whose HH income is £90k.

They're on NINETY THOUSAND POUNDS a year.

Going away for uni was the best experience I ever had. So much fun and such an awesome challenge to live away from home. I’d encourage my son and anyone else’s child
to experience it - he will have the best time!

I don't think grants are available these days. As least not if you're super low income. How can a part time job help if the SFE doesn't even cover the rent?

I think the distance is a lot for a sensible commute. But I knew people who could commute from Kent to go to university in London. Don't think they should commute for Oxbridge

You’re being ridiculous. I got a student loan to pay for essentials (halls etc) and a job which covered everything else. I lived in a high overdraft which took me ages to pay off when I got a real job. Every one of my friends was the same. Completely agree with him that living away is important

@AllTheChaos I agree with a PP that if your income is low, your DD can access the full loan. It’s true that in some cities that won’t or may not cover accommodation (looking at you Bristol with your £10k+ SC halls) but there are certainly unis where it will be enough – tight (as the loans have not kept pace with inflation, as already noted here) but doable.

Plenty of unis have shared-bathroom accomm at around £100-£150 pw for a 40-week year – which would leave between £6k and £4k from the full loan to fund food and fun. Not impossible.

A big debt to get a degree would be the story for most students anyway; and if she doesn't think the degree at the end is worth it then of course she doesn;t have to go. But it's not impossible.

You need to top his loan up.

On £90k a year you can afford it. If you choose not to you are deliberately choosing to disadvantage him.

Commuting isn't the best option for most students (and I'm not sure if it's even possible for Oxbridge).