AIBU for pressuring my son to apply to unis close to home?

This is fair as well. We don't know where OP lives

Well actually it does. There's an expectation that you top up from the means tested amount to maximum loan amount. That's approx £500/m per child, for anyone wondering.

The thought of my parents hassling me to live at home with them for even part of my degree rather than being happy I was off and spreading my wings. Jesus. We truly didn’t know what halycon days the nineties were. Sorry OP, that doesn’t help but how very sad.

YABU. It’s one thing if you live in London with many good local universities where the uni halls can be far from campus but not realistic at Oxford.

Supporting your children through university doesn’t automatically mean you have to pay their rent for 3/4 years. You can be just as supportive by providing their food, accommodation, clothes, car, transport, phone whilst they live at home and commute

But since it's been clear since before their children were conceived that top up fees for Uni were required, why keep on having children they can't afford to support?

This often gets pointed out on the "shall I have a third child" threads, which are usually started by posters who have children of primary age or under.

Exactly. My DC did. Many of DC's friends did. Also loved it they had healthy home cooked meals.

But since it's been clear since before their children were conceived that top up fees for Uni were required, why keep on having children they can't afford to support?

We have twins! and managed to set up savings accounts to pay for Uni on much less than OPs HH income. Yes, we haven't had overseas holidays most years, yes, we ran just the one car, we cooked from scratch, we stayed in a smaller home etc. But we knew that part of the cost of having children was paying towards Uni, and we made sure we did that ahead of spending on treats/luxuries/upgrades for ourselves.

There’s many many posters on here who are judgy and even mean that the op has suggested he stays at home and commutes. These posters are forgetting that there are many types of families out there who might all earn 90k. Different scenarios and circumstances in each of these 90k families.
Some might have many children, some might have debt and some purely might have different saving priorities.
People shouldn’t be so oppinionated is she chooses to encourage her son to commute

I'm a single mum and my youngest has just gone to uni. It's not costing me as much as I thought. I've enjoyed seeing how excited he is and how it has helped his independence. Mine is only 30 mins away but he lives there and I don't see him. Definitely better to move. My other son didn't and hasn't made any friends so my younger one wanted to do it this way.

Exactly. This is exactly what we've experienced in our family.

We don’t know if she has other children, so your point about that is redundant. What we know is that the household income is high (which is why the son isn’t eligible for more then the minimal maintenance loan), and that the family aren’t financially struggling,

@Mybabyloveswires tuition fee loans are not means-tested so every student can claim one – no need for parental contribution on that (and it goes directly to the uni so the student cannot spend it).

Personally I think on a HH income of £90-100k it should be possible to support a child at uni. I do it on a lot lot less. I’m not after a medal or anything, just saying that if a parent thinks it’s important that their DC goes to uni and takes advantage of all the opportunities (which offer considerably more than the chance to take drugs and have sex) then they can look at how to make it happen. An income of the level posted by the OP will give more possibilities to flex and cover a reasonable level of support.

Oxbridge has rules against living at home during term:

For Cambridge:
The three-mile rule: Students are generally required to live within a three-mile radius of Great St Mary's Church during term time.

For Oxford:
Distance limit: You must live within six miles of Carfax Tower, a landmark at the center of the city.

Op might be, but I’m a very long way below that 😂

Yes that’s great, and of course if parents have the spare cash for that than no problem at all.
But a lot of these posters on here are giving the op a hard time for not wanting to spend the money on their child’s university experience. She wants to persuade him to stay home…. Which would be very sensible if she has other children to think of.

Well I’d have felt bloody hard done by and I’d have been excluded from all sorts of things that enriched my life so I’d move heaven and earth to give mine the same thing.

No they don’t go to university just for a piss up. BUT they can go to university whilst living at home and commuting without having to feel hard done by.

If you think that’s what uni is like/for then you are sadly mistaken.

These parents would probably be fully supportive of paying for tuition cost for all 3/4kids but they certainly wouldn’t be supportive of paying for their kids to have the so called university experience!

Which would be spectacularly stupid - ask Martin Lewis. You appear to think the only reason anyone would want to live away from home would be to constantly get off their face. Nothing to do with participating in sport, drama, music or going to a film with mates. I still have friends from my uni days in the 80s, but certainly wouldn’t have if I’d toddled off campus at 5pm every day.

You mean ask a 17 year old boy if he’d like to go and live alone so he can perhaps have sex/smoke/drink/and take drugs in peace for a few years without his parents gaze OR get his own flat in 5 years time.
As if anyone would be capable of making a wise decision at that age!

If you think that’s all students go to uni for, then you know jack.

That is why most sensible people seem to stick to having just 2 children. When your children are young, yes having 3 or 4 might sound lovely but you have to think about later.

@kirinm - but maybe not if your net monthly income is over 5k?

If it’s at all possible financially, then encourage your son to apply for Cambridge, as it will undoubtedly open many doors in the future. However, from your post, I’m assuming he hasn’t been offered a place at Cambridge yet, but is in the process of applying? I imagine competition is fierce, so in that respect, encouraging your son to consider other options is a sensible approach. However, should he be successful in being offered a place at Cambridge, and it suits his requirements, then you really should, if you can afford to, be encouraging his ambition to go there, not thwarting it. Surely there is help out there for students who have the potential but might be limited financially? Commuting from home, as you would like him to do, will really minimise the full student experience he could have, and from what you’ve hinted at, he really would like to experience full student life. Don’t clip his wings - it might backfire on you in the future.