AIBU for pressuring my son to apply to unis close to home?

That's true, @SassyBear2 probably has high outgoings. But at that level of income it should be perfectly possible to live within your means and allow your DC to go to the British university of their choice.
DH and I never had anywhere near that level of income but always kept our mortgage and outgoings to a manageable level. It was still perfectly possible to put our DC through the universities of their choice though they didn't qualify for the top level of loans and we had to be very careful what we spent for the years they were studying. This shouldn't have taken them by surprise.

She is starting to piss me off. High earners maybe but how many children ? Has their mortgage gone up ? Are they making up time following a period of unemployment ? Not everyone is as entitled as she and perhaps she has a cushion from her parents whereas many have not.

Get with the real world often parents prioritise getting on the housing ladder etc as some of us haven't had a leg up from their parents. Also not all children were planned and some might have had no desire for uni till year 12. Mumsnet or Tory net such horrible comments.

Not everyone can bite the bullet. High income maybe but outgoings not considered. Live within your means

I am in the same position and mine is now commuting. Topping up is not an option for everyone and the bank of parent is not a blank cheque. I am sure the droves on here will witter on about lifestyle etc but they are there to study. Be honest with your son about what is and isn't possible. A friend of mine remortgaged for her son to his degree and now he works in a bar.

Not sure if anyone else has mentioned it but the limit to commute into Oxford is 25 miles - from Carfax Tower I think - I researched it a year or so ago

My view is I will help find living costs. They can fund their"lifestyle" costs through working,.whether that's gap year jobs,. holiday jobs or term time jobs or a mixture

So I work more hours to pay for their amazing alcohol fuelled lifestyle ?

Don't be so ridiculous. The maintenance loan doesn't usually even cover halls fees these days let alone day to day living expenses. And this is before you even consider money for socialising.

Not that simple though is it ? I am a lone parent with 3 kids, yes I earn a good salary but if I topped all three up I couldn't afford to live. So I work more hours to pay for their amazing alcohol fuelled lifestyle ?

Agree the financial landscape has changed. It was so much easier with the grant system for our generation.

But ‘different saving priorities’ - really?! My eldest has just gone off to uni and my two younger ones also plan to. Our income is roughly the same as OPs - so we get the minimum loan and I plan to top up as much as possible. DCs will need to work in holidays/when they can to help with that.

This means ultimately, helping with their uni education is our ‘savings priority’ right now. Not our pensions or our own savings. We don’t ‘have’ to, but I want to - I’d rather support them at an important life stage and downsize later to free up capital to help fund our retirement. Uni happens once for them. I’m not trying to preach to the op - as I said, I know it’s hard - but I think this is what being a parent is, we prioritise our kids…

You are being very unreasonable and controlling. You should be supporting him to apply to the best unis for him and encouraging him to live in at uni. Cambridge is actually one of the cheapest for living costs so he would do well to try and get a place there. An hour's commute is way too much, especially at Oxford which has short, intensive terms. Moving out of home will prpbably be the making of him and he will resent you if you don't support this.

Just saying that since we are already in London, it makes little sense to go elsewhere. If it's not Oxbridge there's little to no "trade up" to going elsewhere.

Yes only works given that we are in London. I was just saying I understand what OP's going through.

Why pay all the extra money to "move away" to a lesser uni when world leading unis are on your doorstep?

Depending on the subject, Bath may not be the "lesser university". I know that UCL, Imperial and LSE are world renowned universities, but they aren't the only universities with great industry links.

Also, did you know that the university targeted by more employers than any other is Manchester university?

Surely Warwick is still cheaper than London?

honestly the life experience of moving out and being with friends is just invaluable and if you have a child that wants that experience I think u should support them. I wouldn’t have met my husband or had our children if I hadn’t moved away to study - my life has been shaped by that (albeit expensive) decision

Okay, it works for you. As you say, they are on your doorstep. Wonder what OP has decided? 🤔

But the ones in London are better. Sometimes on occasion, people do turn down Oxford and Cambridge to go to LSE/Imperial. Though I'd fully support any of my DC attending Oxbridge. One will apply for their PhD there, I hope they get in.

Why pay all the extra money to "move away" to a lesser uni when world leading unis are on your doorstep?

Yes and you can experience all of that and more, at other good reputable universities in the country.

Then we would have said no. Eldest actually wanted to go to Manchester for economics because "oh the social life will be good, I want to move out". We had a chat about how LSE economics is the best in the world outside of Europe and they'll have a fab time in London. They made good friends Year 1 in halls and have maintained this friendship since. Even though they commuted later they still ran societies and participated in university life.

I went to Bristol uni btw – but I was shocked to see, when looking at accomm in relation to another thread recently, that so much of it is so ££. OK, only about 1400 places, some of which will probably be reserved for postgrads, are over £10k for SC; but huge numbers of halls places are in SC halls started at over £9k. That's ridiculous IMHO when the full loan will leave barely anything for even food – if it even covers the rent!

Unless you are happy to share a room, there's very little uni halls accomm in Bristol Uni (yes not UWE) at less than £6k. That’s not very inclusive (and I agree that Bristol has a big focus on WP).

Other unis manage to offer accommodation at a much cheaper rate. It's worth looking at this when applying IMHO unless endless funds are available. I agree with your general point tho for sure.

I think London is a bit different because even students living in halls, and certainly students in second or third years in shared houses, often have to commute a bit so the social side is a bit different to other places.

@Gfff great that it works for you
and yours. Your DC could have turned round and said “ No, I/ we want out of London and we WANT to explore a new part of the country”.

By the way, there may be great universities in London, but it isn’t the epitome of the universe. There are some fabulous universities all over the country. Bath being one!

Because it's so much financially better for us if they stay in London. The (arguably best) unis in the world are right on our doorstep. We are so fortunate for this. We'd never tell them to turn down an Oxbridge offer. DC have tried and we helped them as much as we could but they were unsuccessful at the interview stage.

All my DC have gotten heavily involved in university life and made friends. In the commuting years they just slept over at a friend's if a party was going into the early hours. Most importantly they thoroughly engaged with the academics.

My son has just started in his first year of EEE (electrical and electronic engineering) at the UEA. He wanted to move into halls - I’m 12 miles away and his dad is closer.
I’m just glad he felt ready for that next step, even if financially it would have been cheaper to commute, as he’s trying sports and socials that he wouldn’t otherwise do.

Yabu

my Ds is at a uni close to home, but has moved into student halls. He is loving it and would not be having the same experiences at all if he was still at home.