AIBU for pressuring my son to apply to unis close to home?

Yabu. He should apply to the places that are best for the subject he wants to do and the style of teaching and learning for that subject that suit him best. If he gets a place at Oxford for reasons of logistical convenience when Cambridge is the better fit, he will be miserable and will not get the best result he is capable of.

Students regularly travel for 5 hours or more for uni. It's only 6 journeys a year.

He'll have far too many in-person hours at uni for an hour commute to be considered reasonable. That's a very, very long day, every day.

You need to let him make his own decisions and live his own life, he is an adult now.

My DC are both hours away, its tough but they really are living their best lives.

You're being massively unreasonable because frankly it isn't your choice or really anything to do with you.

I moved 200 miles for university. You can’t be clingy like this. You can’t choose his degree and university course for him. You aren’t the one studying there and living there. It’s his life.

Leave it up to him, let him weigh up the pros and cons and come to his own decision. He'll manage and I'm sure he'll do well wherever he goes.

Congratulations on raising a potentially successful young man! I'm sure you are proud.

Besides what everyone else has said... the fact that you can drive to Oxford in an hour doesn't mean your son's commute would be an hour. There's nowhere to park in town unless you're loaded or disabled or you have an employer who provides parking. Nearly everyone who commutes by car and needs to get into Oxford city centre uses the park and ride. So you have to allow time for that. Also I don't know whether you've allowed for rush hour traffic in your estimate.

Try having a go at travelling from your home all the way into city centre, including using the park and ride, to arrive at 9am on a weekday. Then add on an extra 20 minutes in case of unusually heavy traffic or bus delays: obviously he can't just aim to arrive to a lecture at approximately the correct time. I wouldn't be surprised if he'd actually have to leave home about two hours beforehand.

That's what the loans are for. I didn't give DC more than I already spent on them They took out full loans and I paid for their phone contracts as always and gave them food money. They had holiday jobs.

Part of uni is the actual coursework and I believe Cambridge is good for electronics. (As are others)

The other part of uni is going away, looking after yourself, spreading your wings.

So whilst his fellow Oxford students are socialising, learning about like, talking about studies etc your lad is in the car coming home.

Also….. where will he park?

My guide …… to far away to bring washing home regularly, close enough to go there if needed for the evening.

Our 3 were close enough to bring washing home but rarely did. One came Bach to our home town weekly - but for a job (related to his course) Didn’t pop in to see us though.

Your DS needs to study where he wants to, where it is best for him.

This .goodness me...subsidising several years of undergraduate study is beyond the reach of many people I know, rent is very expensive....and sometimes our young people will have to make sensible financial decisions as well as follow their dreams etc. Its not the end of the world. If he wants the full uni experience he will need to figure out how to afford it and will it be financially worth it in the long-term based on the course he chooses.

I understand the desire to keep his debt low, especially in the current recruitment market. Even a STEM degree from Oxford or Cambridge is no guarantee of an easy entrance into the world of work.

I absolutely understand your logic.

It’s probably not cool though.

He’d be very isolated from his fellow students if he lived an hour’s drive away. It really restricts ability to socialise.

You haven't been to university have you OP? Because if you had you'd be encouraging him to live away, not stay tied to your apron strings.
Of course young people go to university to gain a degree, but they also go to gain independence, find out who they are and their values, meet lots of people the same age, have a great social life and quite honestly also have the opportunity to act in a silly irresponsible way, probably for the only length of time in their life, none of which would be possible if they lived at home and were commuting 2 hours a day.

I'm old and went to university 4 hours from home 45 years ago. As well as studying , I was cooking for myself, learning how to budget and pay bills, learning how to live independently. I also got very drunk, I had one night stands, I stayed up all night talking and watched sunrises, I went to parties that carried on till 6 am, I met the love of my life and had nights of wild sex, yes unnecessary things, but I enjoyed it all immensely and wouldn't want to have missed out, it was part of my formative years and I certainly couldn't have done that living at home.

When my son was applying to university the best course for him was at the one in our local city about half an hour from home. I said to him that if he wanted to go there he had to live away from home in halls then in a shared house, just as he would have done had he gone further away, because he needed to embrace the full experience. I also said I wouldn't be doing any shopping or laundry etc, he had to deal with that himself too. That's exactly what he did and he had a great time, met his now wife there. I saw him more than I would have done, we met for coffees and meals and he came for Sunday lunch every now and then, but I made sure he was having the same student experience he would have had he lived further away.

Financially you'll be expected to contribute and he can get a student loan. He can work in the holidays to save money and learn to live frugally, like most students do.

Let him make the most of the opportunity given to him. Living at home will stifle that.

The minimum loan doesn't even cover halls fees these days, let alone other living costs.

Poor guy. Let him choose the uni he goes to himself! I bet he can’t wait to be free of you!!

I have been teasing my son to apply to the local RG uni, which is over the road from vis school. He doesn’t want to, he wants to move away and have the full halls of residence, new city experience. I get it, might cost us more but we’ll support it.

Why though? Let him live his life however he wants, he's not going to live at home forever.
I know it's hard to let go but he'll only resent you if you hold him back.

Start supporting him and his choices, poor lad.

What if you can't make up the extra though? Do parents take out loans themselves? Not reached this stage myself but financially it's hard.

My dad pressured me to live at home and I eventually gave in as I didn't want the hassle of upsetting/falling out with him. I still resent him to this day.

We encouraged my son to stay at home. It was a big mistake. He struggled to fit in. He’s now started again at a different relatively local uni, staying in halls. I think it would be even worse at Oxford than my son’s RG Uni, as surely virtually no one there will commute.

Besides, even being very academically able, there’s a very good chance he won’t get in anyway. Everyone who applies to Oxbridge is of that calibre.

For heaven’s sake.
Why are parents like this?

If he doesn’t receive the full loan , then you as parents need to make it up.
Think about your son, not yourselves.

This. You can’t live more than a certain distance from Carfax. It’s still in the regulations. Your ds won’t be able to commute from home unless you’re looking at Oxford Brookes.