AIBU for pressuring my son to apply to unis close to home?

I think that you have to let him go where he wants to go and where he gets into. I do sympathise though, one of my friends had to ask one of their children to stay at home as having had one child just finish uni and then 2 DC’s wanting to go at the same time, it became unviable financially.

The bar for reduced funding is extremely low, I am a single parent, work in a min wage job and have other dependents and my DC will likely not get the full maintenance loan next year as I also receive a small amount of taxable benefit as well. The amount you get for maintenance loan starts reducing with a household income of £25K!! That threshold has been frozen in cash terms since 2009!!
I am not sure how I am supposed to support my other dependents and a child in uni as a single parent on minimum wage and an income of less than £30K. DC’s course is quite intense and they have disabilities so it will make working difficult. However, they have chosen to go into halls but at a uni that is less than an hour away from home. I have encouraged it as I can see how much it will help with independence as well as the uni experience.

Her mortgage costs are still her responsibility, though. A household income of £72,000 places someone in the top 10% in the country and the OP earns well above that.

I don’t know her personal finances but something has gone badly wrong if she is apparently unable to support her DC at uni on such a high income when many others on far less manage it.

She said they aren't struggling financially.

You don’t know what the OP’s outgoings are. She may have a huge mortgage/ debts, we don’t know. What seems like a larger than average income on paper, maybe not be, in reality.

Maybe for whatever reason, OP just can’t fund her DS’s studies. We don’t know what the family’s outgoings are.

It doesn’t really matter whether it will stretch or not. Her household earns a very good income (much higher than average) and it is her responsibility to support her DS’s education.

Additionally snort at commuting to Oxford by car. Yes, commute all you like, but you’d be in the park and ride unless you were Elon Musk (or indeed Emma Watson) and could afford the city centre car parking charges. I don’t think you can rock up in your Corsa and swing in through some ancient gates and park on a nice grassy quad.

Is that even cheap now? Paying all year round, even for the holidays, paying expensive energy bills?

There are threads constantly on here complaining about bills rising, the cost of food rising etc - students aren't immune to this. And subsequently their parents who are helping fund them.

Even just a few years ago it was easier to be a student. It's changed a lot in recent years which is why I think young people need to really think about whether it's the right option for them.
We need better alternatives - more decent apprenticeships with jobs at the end of them.

Because the workload is very intense and crammed into 8 week terms (which is shorter than at other universities) and so the universities believe that students who are working part time jobs won't keep up with their academic work.

I experienced both living near campus and commuting. It is a very different experience. I had no social life when I commuted. I missed most of the study groups and all of the parties. I also couldn’t participate in extras such as my astronomy teacher’s « star parties » gazing at the heavens through the telescope at night.

I commuted by train, so at least I could read. Being an engineering student though, I couldn’t do homework on the train. Commuting by car would be even worse as it would be 100% lost time. Two hours a day is a LOT of time that could be spent studying.

Your son needs to begin to drop the rope and move on.

When I went to uni as a mature student my mother could not understand why I wanted to leave my home city. Although we had a perfectly good university in the city I wanted to get away from my family and go lower contact with them. Leaving for uni was just an excuse to do it without acrimony. It would not have been the same to commute even though I had my own place and did not live with my parents, Leaving the city you were born in is part of the process of becoming a fully functioning adult. She was devastated when I decided to stay on for a masters and a doctorate. I found work at the uni where I graduated and so I never returned to the city of my birth save as a visitor. My family all still live there. I dont feel that they have moved on.

When you are a fresher it is harder to find housemates if you don't know anyone.

Then perhaps the cheapest private rent sharing with housemates?

Sure. I suggested yesterday OP's son could take a year out to work. But the main point is that OP should financially support her son, in light of the fact he'll get minimal maintenance loan.

Oxbridge is different from other universities. You live in. You just do.

Southampton is excellent for EE.

Making someone who doesn’t want to, live at home is abusive. Dh is living proof. The pil would not let him go to Oxford or Kings (despite having offers). They insisted he live at home and take a one-hour bus ride to nearest university every day. They were quite comfortably off, they just thought living in halls was a waste of money and you certainly didn’t need to have a social life or any fun. In those days there was no social media for dh to find out how wronged he was!

I can’t imagine having a child with the ability to be offered a place on the best degree course in the country for their subject and doing anything except giving them 100% support. I’d live on baked beans for three years to do that.

He will be doing the studying for 3 years or more

It is his choice, his life

Has he visited any unis in person ???

I travelled by train & visited lots before I applied

I also joined lots of clubs & made life long friends

You don't always get given the cheapest accommodation even if you request it.

My nephew applied for the cheapest but ended up in the most expensive Hall which he hadn't even put down on his accommodation application.

Then the students are either receiving a good amount of SF, or they are working a job alongside their studies, or they have taken time out, to work
and then study.

Your DS should choose the best fit for him & good there

Please do NOT make him go to a uni of your choosing

Has he looked round any unis himself in person ?

Oxbridge is considerably cheaper and offers a lot of financial support to lower income (not even that low!) families.

They are trying to accommodate students from poorer backgrounds in a way other Universities aren't.
I guess because they are both wealthy and perennially popular so they can afford to.

Because terms are short (eight weeks) and demanding, and the universities want students to concentrate on their studies.

I simply gave an outline of our experience in our area and its not the norm to live away now. I did back in the day but our kids aren't and that is principally down to economics.

I guess it depends on what your perspective of wealth is. Its well recognised that less than 20% of students come from lower socio economic classes. So it would appear that most dont even have the opportunity to go in the first place let alone to live away.

We're talking about Oxbridge colleges.

I'm not convinced it is. The cheapest university owned accommodation where DD is at university is £173 a week. She is currently in a private flat rental costing £550 a month. With bills the cost is pretty much the same.

Are you talking about Oxbridge colleges or general university halls?