AIBU for pressuring my son to apply to unis close to home?

That doesn’t mean that they won’t struggle financially, if they have to fund their son through university. Maybe that’s what it is. They are okay now, but might not be going forward? 🤷‍♀️

No. She’s said that they aren’t struggling but also don’t have loads of spare money. Trying to make up the sort of money needed to pay rent for a uni student when you have your own mortgage and everything else is difficult.

They don't, unless the student has specifically been given permission.

https://academic.admin.ox.ac.uk/residency

Though the OP has posted that they are not financially struggling.

Do engineering degrees still include placement term or year? If so he should be willing to relocate to do that. From what I can make of the OP and updates, the parental income is high enough but the parents have a lifestyle that means they can't or don't want to give their child the amount of money he will need to live in uni accommodation.

We’ve had this discussion with dd. Her maintenance loan barely covers the cost of the cheapest halls in her top choice uni because of our income. We’ve been clear we can help a little but she will also need to get a job. She already works so is saving from that job but she’s desperate to move out and have a little of her own space to find out who she is.

one of DD’s considerations of all else is equal is the cost of halls.

if your son stands a better chance of getting Cambridge and the course is better, wouldn’t you want him to have the best opportunity he could get?

Yep me too. As I said upthread, my parents had to contribute even tho they were relatively low waged, even tho I received a grant. I got a graduate job and never needed their help again.

For electrical engineering there is a lot a variation between universities, firstly make sure it is accredited, secondly the very traditional universities teach a more academic approach which employers don’t necessarily think is the best, there’s also various sub degree programmes eg robotics which are highly sort after by employers and not available at Oxford or Cambridge. Finally if finances are the main worry he should be looking at a gap year working to save up and looking at advanced apprenticeships etc. my dc was sponsored by the mod for instance.

My parents paid my rent all the way through uni. I was financially independent from the very first day I started working in my graduate job, as were most other people I knew.

@alittleprivacyStudents never have paid their own way in the uk unless they are adults who have saved up. Young people going at 18 or 19 haven’t had a chance to do this and it’s expected parents pay to support them. You might not like it, but it’s how it works. Of course they mostly spend their loan or parental money and some work in semesters or in the vacations. That’s getting to be quite difficult now. More students are working but that’s meaning fewer jobs available for new students. They are increasingly taken. The told yo expect a graduate to work is after graduation, and that’s a challenge too.

Yes indeed this.

DD started at uni in 2019 so relatively recently; her halls were about £100 pw (actually the halls at Leicester are still very good value – just checked and for example you can get a single halls bedroom with washbasin for £82 pw) and she found that £25 pw was plenty for food. She is a veggie who doesn't eat loads but still I am not sure that would be enough for her six years later. Her rent in year 2 was less than £100 pw. I gasp at some of the rents I see quoted on HE threads – I mean I don't doubt they are correct but some hall fees are very high.

Because their studies suffer if they have to keep down a job as well.

I suspect very few students “get in the habit” of being funded. My daughter doesn’t want to be a burden to anyone but she lives in a city with a high student population and although she spent two weeks before lectures started last year applying for jobs, nothing came of any of them. She is truly grateful for the help we give her and she’s certainly not out clubbing all the time. As soon as she can start earning, I know she will aim to be independent.

How is it experiencing independence if they aren't paying their own way? Independence absolutely doesn't mean all the rights with none of the responsibilities. I actually suspect it damaging for a young person to get in the habit of having unearned freedom, to be honest.

Absolutely don't stand in the way of the boy choosing which uni he goes to. But he should be paying his own way if he chooses to move far from home.

Then he gets a job and funds it himself. My dc1 wants to live in at uni, so he’s working this year and saving hard to afford it and will be getting a job once he’s there too.

The privilege on this thread! Perhaps the OP can’t afford to top up the loan!

Everyone has different and difficult personal circumstances. We've given our DC everything we can

Nowadays a lot of students are staying at home apparently to keep costs down but I would advise as parent, who provides the best course/ training opportunities and which universities have best job options.
Then if equal he needs to decide how he is going to fund it. He can get Saturday job before university and work in holidays to help fund his choice if he’s not allowed to work in term time. If he’s smart he can intern/ work as tea boy for prospective employers. You can’t decide for him and he will be happier if he’s been part of the decision making.

This often happens. There are always "when I was at university threads" that bear no resemblance to today's reality. The cost of living has changed since DD was a fresher at her first university only 6 years ago. The halls she was in are £53 a week more than when she was there.

As several people have pointed out, Oxbridge students are generally not permitted to have part-time jobs. Holiday jobs are also tricky as there’s a long reading list to get through, plus revision.

Is this about money, OP?

Or...they could get themselves a part time job to fund it? I worked over my three years....didn't do me any harm.

You just get on with it and bag yourself a bit of life experience in the process.🤷‍♀️

This. I think many people's perspectives on here seem to be of university a while ago. The maintenance loan and the costs of living and rent are miles apart now....

Also parking. Where would OP’s DS park if he commuted in? Unless he did park and ride.

I know no one who went to Oxford who lived at home. The terms are only 8 weeks and most colleges can offer accommodation. I think they may even not let you commute.

Oh right, missed that bit.
I don’t know then. Seems a bit odd if they aren’t struggling financially. Unless that will change if DS doesn’t stay at home to study?