maybe more of a WIBU but I have a friend who has recently split up with a partner and can’t bear to live with him anymore. she’s moved out and is currently staying with family but they live a couple of hours away. Up until now she has been signed off work sick, and was looking for another job so she could quit her current one, but that hasn’t quite worked out so she needs to come back and she’s asked if she can stay with me - initially just for a few days but I think it’s highly likely she may want to stay longer.
I do have a spare room but I’m very used to living alone and only have one bathroom. I don’t think other friends locally have a spare room she could use so it’s between me or an Airbnb.
weeks ago I said I wanted to support her and I would consider her staying until Christmas. I know I shouldn’t have agreed it as a possibility if I wasn’t sure but I thought at the time I genuinely thought I would cope and I wanted to be a good friend but now it’s looking like more of a possibility I don’t think I can cope with her being here that long.
I like my own space, the spare room is more for temporary guests not a lodger so also functions as my workout room and where I need to dry laundry as I don’t have a tumble drier - I can’t do either of these things in other rooms due to lack of floor space elsewhere. So it wouldn’t be a fully private space which I’d make clear, I’d give up on workouts in there as it’s probably unfair to ask her to get pull up the sofa bed everyday but I’d still need access to the room for drying clothes (obviously respecting her privacy and knocking if I need to come in whilst she’s in and obviously not going in super early in the morning or late at night!).
I’ve agreed for her to initially stay one week but I’m already anticipating she’ll ask to stay longer and it’s making me quite anxious. I also think staying for one week is a bit different to staying for weeks.
WIBU to say no on longer than one month max? Even this feels like longer than I’d want but I don’t want to be a bad friend and fall out over it, but I think that would probably be my limit.
she’s not paying her part of the flat with the boyfriend anymore as she’s fully moved out so she does have financial means to rent somewhere else. And for me it’s not about money as I wouldn’t charge her anything to stay (although if it did become a month I’d maybe ask for about £200 to contribute towards bills - would that be fair, she’d still be saving lots on renting somewhere?). It’s more about my losing my workout space, privacy and comfort in my own home etc.
she’s naturally upset by the breakup and I really want to support her and not be selfish, but I also don’t want to be unable to fully relax in my house and worst case fall out with her if she feels I’m either being a terrible “host” as I do want things kept a particular way re cleanliness etc, but aware I risk falling out if she asks to stay longer and I say no!
She is very nice and reasonable but I’ve not known her that long and I feel you never know someone until you live together and I’m worried we may end up irritating each other and ruining a friendship.
what’s the longest you would let a friend stay in these circumstances? Would I be a terrible friend to say four weeks at the absolute max?
any tips on how to manage the conversation if she says she wants to stay longer?