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AIBU?

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Original poster

I got shouted at in the gym today, AIBU?

217 replies

ShakenUpandUpset · 03/10/2025 18:44

I was at the gym today and I got shouted at twice within the space of half an hour.

The first was for entering the women’s only space (I’m a woman, albeit a short and fat one). A woman came up to me and started accusing me of not being a woman, and essentially being a man. I was in a baggy shirt but I also think I look pretty “womanly”, I have long hair, obvious boobs, I was wearing leggings and very obviously don’t have a bulge or anything like that. When I answered and said yes I was, she seemed satisfied but spent much of her time glaring at me across the room and tutting loudly whenever someone else looked at me.

it’s just left me feeling totally shaken and upset. I am a woman and I shouldn’t be questioned, I have always known I was pretty ugly but this has just confirmed it for me and I never want to go to the gym again, because what if someone else makes the same mistake but gets even more angry?

OP posts:
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Original poster
ShakenUpandUpset · 03/10/2025 19:04

BreakfastOfChampignons · 03/10/2025 18:58

I dont understand how being short makes you look like a man, she sounds unhinged. Ignore (or ask if she wants to see your boobs or something...)

As for aerosol deodorants and body sprays in a public changing room - yeah thats not cool. It's an instant trigger for an asthma attack for me personally. Lots of gyms/pools here have signs up requesting they're not used.

Edited

I’ve just never looked “womanly” - but that’s also probably because I was huge

my gym doesn’t have this and id obviously adhere to it if I was asked not to use them, but I was stinking and just sprayed a little bit (about three sprays) so I didn’t stink on the bus home

OP posts:
menopausalfart · 03/10/2025 19:03

I'd have put in a complaint so that they'd think twice before doing it to someone else.

Dissappearedupmyownarse · 03/10/2025 19:01

ShakenUpandUpset · 03/10/2025 18:44

I was at the gym today and I got shouted at twice within the space of half an hour.

The first was for entering the women’s only space (I’m a woman, albeit a short and fat one). A woman came up to me and started accusing me of not being a woman, and essentially being a man. I was in a baggy shirt but I also think I look pretty “womanly”, I have long hair, obvious boobs, I was wearing leggings and very obviously don’t have a bulge or anything like that. When I answered and said yes I was, she seemed satisfied but spent much of her time glaring at me across the room and tutting loudly whenever someone else looked at me.

it’s just left me feeling totally shaken and upset. I am a woman and I shouldn’t be questioned, I have always known I was pretty ugly but this has just confirmed it for me and I never want to go to the gym again, because what if someone else makes the same mistake but gets even more angry?

Im so sorry OP, this must have been so hurtful even to the most thick skinned of people.
You are beautiful and never ever need to justify your presence if you know you have the right to be somewhere.
The other woman is a horrible person and her behaviour was despicable! If she's regularly at the gym during your sessions, I would most definitely report her to the manager!

CarlaLemarchant · 03/10/2025 19:00

I think people who don’t like body sprays and aerosol deodorants should go home to change.

latetothefisting · 03/10/2025 18:59

to be honest it sounds like a bit of a weird gym if people get so angry so easily!

I've never seen anyone shout or be shouted at in the gym and have been going to different ones all over the country for about 20 years! Even when some muppets were doing their yoga stretches on the floor of the changing room I only tutted and rolled my eyes when stepping over them!

Even if she did think a man was inappropriately in the changing room there's no reason to get aggressive. If she didn't believe you she should have escalated to staff, not stood there and glared at you.

BreakfastOfChampignons · 03/10/2025 18:58

I dont understand how being short makes you look like a man, she sounds unhinged. Ignore (or ask if she wants to see your boobs or something...)

As for aerosol deodorants and body sprays in a public changing room - yeah thats not cool. It's an instant trigger for an asthma attack for me personally. Lots of gyms/pools here have signs up requesting they're not used.

CatamaranViper · 03/10/2025 18:58

I'm sort of with them for using body spray in the changing rooms, often those rooms are very enclosed with no windows so it can get a bit suffocating if everyone is doing it. However, it's also the gym. You know it's going to happen so you have to accept it really.

The other thing, shocking. You should never put yourself down like this OP. That other person was an arsehole clearly looking for an argument. If it wasn't you it would have been someone else. Do not let her put you off. Go and be proud. Even if not on this occasion, next time she sees you I bet she feels embarrassed.

Catchee · 03/10/2025 18:55

I got shouted at for using a spray. Our gym has a space that has no spray and the rest is ok. I was in the ok bit. Still got shouted at. I lways asked after that and have been looked at funny for asking. Can't win! As for the woman. Ignore that. It's her problem. She was an arse. Sometimes when people realise they are arses they lash out more, like a defense. I guess we don't know what was going on with her and her day, but you've done nothing wrong. The gym is a safe space. You are not ugly. You seem rather beautiful to me and id much rather share a space with you than these two fucktards. If it is still bothering you, tell the gym manager that no one has the right to police sections ( just because you weren't head to toe in lycra) and also to demarcate a space re spray in the changing rooms or make it a clear policy. Either way I'd share how uncomfortable you felt with them. Maybe leave and find somewhere nicer if you have somewhere closer but i would make it clear to the gym why.

outerspacepotato · 03/10/2025 18:55

Don't spray body spray around other people, save it for home. Lots have fragrance allergies.

As for being challenged as to your sex, the other was out of order. She was deliberately making a scene. Roll your eyes at her if you see her again.

Bikergran · 03/10/2025 18:54

ShakenUpandUpset · 03/10/2025 18:48

Oh, I realised it was so minor I stopped even typing it. I was using body spray in the changing room and someone shouted at me for using it in a “public space”

Show quote history

In the changing room. Where people shower, change and USE BODY SPRAY. Where is this batshit gym?

Bikergran · 03/10/2025 18:53

You should have reported her immediately to the gym staff for abuse. Nasty ignorant cow.

40andlovelife · 03/10/2025 18:49

The woman that did this sounds batshit. Ignore her she’s clearly cray cray

Tandora · 03/10/2025 18:49

I'm so sorry that you went through this. It's a toxic world out there at the moment for people who don't conform to idealised standards of femininity.

Original poster
ShakenUpandUpset · 03/10/2025 18:48

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 03/10/2025 18:47

What was the second occasion?

Oh, I realised it was so minor I stopped even typing it. I was using body spray in the changing room and someone shouted at me for using it in a “public space”

OP posts:
Original poster
ShakenUpandUpset · 03/10/2025 18:47

CarlaLemarchant · 03/10/2025 18:46

I’m sorry that happened to you. Please don’t call yourself ugly. The other woman should have been mortified when she realised her mistake. She is the ugly one.

I’ve never looked very “feminine” (more a blob, to be honest) but over the last 14 months I’ve lost a lot of weight and I was starting to feel more comfortable with my physique. It’s just really knocked me back because she was so angry, and it’s quite scary for the next time I go

OP posts:
AccidentallyWesAnderson · 03/10/2025 18:47

What was the second occasion?

CarlaLemarchant · 03/10/2025 18:46

I’m sorry that happened to you. Please don’t call yourself ugly. The other woman should have been mortified when she realised her mistake. She is the ugly one.