I got shouted at in the gym today, AIBU?

Oh, that's terrible!
Of course this means we must let every man and boy have access to naked women and girls whenever they want.

This, too, reflects the issue. Misrepresentation of stats and judgemental hyperbole creating fear-mongering.

Re: the stats, I've only seen studies that conflate 1) transwomen and transmen or 2) all LGBTQ+ individuals, or 3) physical and verbal "violence", or 4) that use hate crime measures while failing to acknowledge that women can't be subject to hate crime (one popular theory, with some evidential foundation I understand, being that the proposal that women are added was rejected on the basis that the police service simply couldn't cope with the numbers).

If there's a reliable source out there that doesn't fall into one or several of these traps, I'd be interested to see it.

Re: the hyperbole, I honestly don't see what was "nasty" in the post quoted, except in the misogynistic Trumpian sense! I mean, the irony of typing the personal attack, "You are just nasty" under a post that supports the principle of female-only spaces, condemns the shouty woman and empathises with OP, really rather speaks for itself.

👏 👏

I imagine she came from the FWR board.

And this is how we know that the problem stems from trans activism.

Can you begin to imagine reading comments like, "unless we all start walking around naked" in the context of women feeling safe in a single-sex space just 15 years ago, before this movement began? Never mind that it wouldn't be necessary, it would look downright weird and creepy. Ditto challenging a gender-non-conforming woman on the basis that she may be a man.

It infuriates me when activists condemn women for so-called "policing femininity" when they've forced women into doing this - it's precisely these outward signifiers of femininity that so many of us have fought to resist and reject for years, as wholly unwanted, and entirely unrelated to femaleness.

To pressure us into associating them with femaleness once again in this way, and then condemn us for so doing, is one hell of a move.

I completely understand this, but I think the OP was upset because she was shouted at because of it.
To most people, using deodorant after showering is a normal part of personal care. If someone asked me would I mind not spraying it then I would happily comply without question. I only use roll on deodorant so I don’t cause anyone bother from a blast of a scent they dislike, or have them reaching for an inhaler.
I am currently going through chemo, but would never shout at my colleague not to spray her beloved Alien perfume because it makes me want to vomit, and then vomit some more. I would explain it was triggering me now and would she mind not wearing it on the increasingly few days I am in.
If the response you get is ‘Fck you, that’s your problem’, then yes, that’s different. I think most people are reasonable and, like the OP, will understand.
Also, the OP had just had a very upsetting experience in the same changing room earlier. It’s very true we don’t know what a stranger has gone through, and this woman shouting at her probably made her feel worse. Would it really have hurt her to have pointed it out in a nice way?
OP I’m so sorry this happened to you 🩷

But isn’t this the big problem it highlights then? There have been many other threads about men in women’s spaces where women have been very open about the fact that they would confront a man in a woman’s space, with hundred’s of other replies encouraging them, telling them how important it is that we challenge this. In theory I don’t disagree, any woman should feel able to challenge a man in a female only space- absolutely.

But unless we all start walking around naked, there is always going to be a margin for error there on who any individual see’s as a man or a woman.

She’s not protecting women. She’s absolutely trampling all over women’s freedom to go about their business without being harassed. Shame on her.

I don’t agree with PPs that women have the right to defend their spaces by aggressively accusing other women of being men. How are we supposed to prove it FGS?

It's not that I don't like them- they can trigger instant migranes for me and can lay me up for the rest of the day. I'm ok with people wearing fragrances near me most of the time, but really sensitive to just sprayed fragrance in the air.

I use the gym to swim, my going home to change options are pretty limited.

Yes 🙌

Trans woman are far more likely to be assaulted than you. They are women. You are just nasty.

I’m five three, no half 😢 and I have as much right to be in a gym as anyone else. I’d complain.

It’s quite interesting to see so many people criticising the woman’s behaviour here for pulling up who she perceived to be a man in a woman’s space to be honest.

Not because I disagree- she shouldn’t have behaved that way, but because on other threads about trans/men in women’s spaces there are always hundreds of replies from women confidently claiming they would challenge any man they saw in a female only space- and they absolutely should do that, and other women encouraging them to do that.

If people are going to be encouraged to protect/guard female only spaces from anyone they perceive to be a man, which I don’t think is inherently a bad thing, then unfortunately but unavoidably this kind of thing is going to happen sometimes- people will get it wrong.

You poor thing. You don't mention what the second time was, but the first was horrible. Put it behind you and do something very nice for yourself. Btw I'm sure you're not ugly.

If you decide not to keep going there/the gym's response to the incident is lackluster, I'd write a very public scathing review about their handling of that incident so others don't get put in your position. That would likely light a fire under their arses.

Why would someone assume a 5’3 and a bit woman with long hair and boobs and no visible cock and balls through the leggings - so gender conforming if you believe in that shit - was a man? Because they are overweight? Doesn’t make sense unless they were just spoiling for a fight or mentally ill.

Obviously out of order behaviour but what was the response when the OP presumably went ‘eh clearly I’m a woman’. Most people wouldn’t be left in any doubt once the mouth gets opened and up front and personal.

Funny though that the fifth? was it response and subsequent ‘blame the Terfs in so many words’ posts was from our resident TRA who argues for men to be in women’s spaces and has just come off the back of another thread where they told a rape victim that trans identifying men’s ‘distress’ was more important than hers being in spaces with men.

Oh and the other one who wades in with same has also popped up with ‘I get challenged all the time because I look sooo gender non-conforming (but also has an issue with women discussing not wanting men in women’s spaces).

Women who look like women and women who apparently look like men both now can’t win it seems!

Call me a fucking cynic 🙄.

Then they sound very horrible. It’s incredibly unlucky to have two people shout at you in one week let alone one day in the space of an hour. I hope the first woman apologised profusely and as for the second, she’s an idiot!

I'm sorry this happened to you, OP.
A good friend of mine who has quite an athletic build and chooses not to dress in a stereotypically "feminine" way was recently loudly confronted in the Women's toilets at a shopping centre, accusing her of being a man. She was really shaken by it. I don't know what people think gives them the right to behave this way but it's definitely them, not you.
Absolutely complain to the gym. I know quite a few people have said 'don't let it stop you going' and I totally get that sentiment, but I also think it's understandable if you'd rather look for another gym after what's happened.

I get challenged so often tbh. Solidarity, it’s not great. I’m taller than most women, thinnish, but am also extremely flat chested… didn’t have much in the way of boobs ever and then breastfeeding for 6 years did for what little I did have! I just shrug it off now. Don’t let it get to you OP.

Well done for your commitment to losing weight OP.
Please don't call yourself ugly, nobody is ugly, we all need to take care of ourselves and appreciate our uniqueness.
For those who want to wear makeup, that is an option for those who want to.
Take care OP

Strange gym that two people shouted. Are you sure they shouted?

I'm with you on this Op. Sorry you had this experience today.

Absolutely. All these comments about how strange this is and how this woman must be mentally ill , because of course these kind of mistakes are so unusual/ unlikely, are beyond ridiculous.