To think most people offer a brew as soon as visitors arrive

Unless someone has invited me specifically for coffee or a meal or whatever, I don’t expect refreshments.

Families vary widely in their norms and ideas about guest vs make yourself at home behavior. In both my family and my DH's (one American, one British) it's actually a bit unwelcoming for lack of a better word to treat close family members with formal guest manners, and close family members don't ever expect to be hosted in that manner. The idea of sitting around my PIL for an hour and not just saying "I'm going to put the kettle on, who wants a cup?" if I was interested is absolutely wild and unpleasant to me. Similarly, I wouldn't invite myself over as a guest in most situations but with family I'm perfectly comfortable saying "We'll be free on Saturday afternoon and would love to stop by. Does that work?" And of course welcome them to do the same.

It seems like your PIL and you aren't on the same page on this.

That’s horrifying!

Tea or coffee is the objectively right thing to offer - or water of course.

Diet coke is absolutely no substitute or equivalent to a hot drink. Shameful!

I don’t drink any hot drinks or have milk, neither does my DP.
My two best friends and my sister don’t drink them either. I mainly drink Diet Coke or fizzy water and one of my friends is the same and we have a soda stream each, my sister and other friend carry water bottles.

I offer wine or other alcoholic drinks in the evening and snacks but I’m out of the habit of doing it for other guests.

When you don’t drink hot drinks you are rarely catered for, everyone offers tea, coffee or squash and if I go somewhere that offers refreshments like a meeting or the hairdressers it’s always the same. I take Diet Coke or my soda stream bottle everywhere. Because of this I order forget to offer them to other people but I offer an alcoholic drink straight away!

I bought a jar of coffee once and it went off because no one had any, I know this is unusual as I’m in my forties.

I always put snacks out like cheese & biscuits, crisps nuts and olives but don’t think I’ve ever bought biscuits.

When I had a new kitchen put in I did try to make tea for the kitchen fitters on the first day and bought tea bags, they told me they would make their own after trying it and only had a few sips 😂. I made them a plate of sandwiches but no biscuits, am I a terrible host?

I like tea but I can't say I'm desperate for one as soon as I enter someone's home so no it doesn't bother me. I'd happily go a whole visit without a tea.

It is basic good manners to offer refreshments to anyone visiting or working at your home. I never drink coffee or milk but I always have them in for others.

For British people. That person isn't British

I offer straight away, my closest friends offer straight away but they know I’m an absolute caffeine fiend, caffeine is basically my personality 😂

My family and dhs family don’t offer though, I used to say jokingly say “is your kettle broken?” and they’d tell me to piss off and make my own so now I’m comfortable enough with each family member to go and make my own.

Yes always with friends. However family like parents or PIL I expect them to help themselves like I would in their houses

I’m astounded by some of the “you ain’t getting nowt” posts!

I always thought it was the height of Britishness to ensure that anyone so much as thinking of entering your home would have a brew and biscuit (cake if we’re really feeling fancy) in their hands before their feet were even through the door!

I have tried to imagine having anyone in my house - friend, family, workman, mortal enemy - and not brewing up. Even hypothetically I can’t do it, I came out in a hot flush of shame just thinking about it 😄

I offer a drink as soon as people arrive. I don’t drink tea, but I keep it in for guests, along with a selection of coffees, soft drinks and every sort of alcoholic beverage imaginable. Close friends would help themselves at my house, but I always offer to everyone.
I do think not offering someone a drink is rude.

Yup, offer a drink pretty much on arrival and if they say “no thanks”, I ask if they’re sure and run through the list of anything drinkable in the house and wear them down eventually 😂 It’s a bad habit and I’m trying to stop and accept the no!

You would be waiting forever in my house. I just dont think about offering a drink because I dont drink tea or coffee. My parents, usually the bastions of subtle hinting, have even resorted to just saying 'put the kettle on' and dear mil just has given up completely and just makes one. I remain oblivious generally. I dont mean to be rude but I barely remember to make myself a drink the whole day. It's just not on my radar. I remember a colleague getting annoyed with me because I never offered to make tea and coffee. I made it so badly (on purpose) that he never complained again.

Well, it's not special treatment.

Everyone who comes to my house gets offered a cuppa.

But, I've never met a trade who "sits around drinking tea" - people drink it as they work, same as I do whether I am checking e-mails or in a meeting.

I'll offer right away if I don't particularly like you and that way I can get away from you for a few more precious minutes.😁

I'd be mortified to think anyone ever went away from my house justified in complaining that they hadn't been offered a drink and a time-of-day-appropriate bite to eat. I was brought up to get the kettle on and put some biscuits on a plate as soon as anyone arrived at the door, invited or not.

My experience is that most people do the same, though my DS is more likely to suggest popping out to a local café because he lives in a shared house and the communal area is always busy.

I'm sure you offer a drink/juice/soft drink though. Although it is still odd that you don't have tea/coffee for visitors. I don't like herbal tea but still have a selection of teas to offer guests.

We're talking about people who don't offer anything.

We drive three hours with a toddler and a dog and after about 30 to 40 minutes, I just go into my in-laws kitchen and make myself a drink. I make a big scene of it thinking at some point they would catch on, but I’ve been with DH for nearly 20 years & still self serving my brews. For context, my mother-in-law is not the sort of person where you’d just pop into her kitchen and make yourself a cup of tea.

At the rates they charge, I’m quite happy to let them crack on and work. I’m happy to make one mid morning once I’ve seen stuff get done but I’m not paying £250 a day for someone to sit around drinking tea as soon as they’ve stepped foot in the house.

When I get to work, I start working and will get a tea once I’ve checked my emails. Not sure why tradesmen get special treatment?

I don’t drink tea so probably wouldn’t think to put the kettle on for anyone visiting. Unless it’s my sister in law who drinks endless cups of tea.

YANBU, unless it is after 6pm and then it’s wine

I'm British but I don't drink tea either, I'm a coffee drinker.
You don't have to make tradesmen a drink but it's generally the case that if you keep them hydrated they work more efficiently and for longer!

yep I thought it was the law tbh when I was small my mum convinced me it was Irish 🇮🇪 too
Treated every visitor as if they were the pope
my in laws are Asian before we have got our shoes a full buffet for us and the children with there favourite snacks is presented

I always offer a brew as the kettle is rarely cold in this house. The decorator always gets chocolate hob nobs, other tradies get offered and usually accept a bacon butty in the morning and then get biscuits in the afternoon. The chimney sweep prefers a glass of water. My DH is a tradie too and often comes home spitting feathers because he has not been offered a cup of tea all day.

Yes I always offer drinks straight away.